New here and asking for support

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remeraber that suboxone is an opioid drug and it also can also be addictive. Follow the plan to use suboxone to reduce your dependence on your current opioid drug and then plan on detoxing from the suboxone itself. Work with your doctor on a good solid plan to get off ALL opioiRAB. Again, Good Luck to you!!
 
Hi frienRAB,
I'm new to this forum so please excuse my lack of knowledge...anyway, I'm a 43 year old working woman with a 9 year old daughter and a life partner. I've struggled with hydro addiction for 10 years now off & on. I went to inpatient 30 day treatment in 2005 to get off of norco 10/325's, I was taking about 20-25 per day. I also got off of 6 years of Ativan which I didn't think I was getting off of because that wasn't why I was coming into treatment, my Dr. had prescribed those for my panic disorder without telling me that they weren't meant for long term use! But, that's another story. After treatment I stayed clean for only 6 months then went on a Dr. shopping spree and forged an Rx & got caught, had to be on 1yr probation & community service so felt lucky that I got off that easily and it shook me up quite a bit. As a result, I think, I stayed clean for 2 years. In July '07, I got on the internet out of the blue and just thought I'd "look" at those drug sites just to see if they still sold hydro...yeah, big mistake. Thus began another almost 2 years of Norco addiction, this time getting up to 160-170mg of hydro per day. Well, the culmination of that was that with the Ryan Haight Act and no ability to get my needed drugs anymore, I came clean to my partner and my psychiatrist. Well my dr. is also an addiction medicine specialist and has a suboxone program so 2 Saturdays ago, it is day 11 today, I had my 1st suboxone induction and began on 16mg, 8mg am and 8mg pm. I've had some rough days with side effects that include severe sweating & nausea, dry mouth & eyes, fatigue, etc. but I have to say that it's been a goRABend for me. I didn't know how I was going to get through w/d's again and it's given me some time to continue to function at work, as a mother, friend and partner. I'm not sure what the outcome will be or what kind of support/outpatient group therapy I'm going to do but I know that I need to do something else other than just suboxone for recovery....I do know that having been to treatment before that it takes a lot of work on my part to stay clean.
Well just wanted to introduce myself and I guess find out more from anyone who is on or has been on suboxone. I see my dr. this Saturday and wonder if he's going to keep me on the same dose, decrease it or what. Thanks to you all for being here.

kewood:wave:
 
:):)hi looks like you made the right choise, my friend just started on sub about 3 weeks ago, he has had some tough times ,but much better then wd from H , he said drink alot more water, an give your body time to adjust an for your doc to find the right dose, do some research on sub. he said that you an your md will work it out , congrats to you, keep us updated scott.
 
Hi Kewwod

Welcome.

I wish you well on your path to sobriety. While I did not happen to use Suboxone, it is the right path for many. It doesn't give a 'high" and allows time to find sober thinking. Until we grab tight hold of sober thinking and allow it to become a routine part of our lives we will continue to struggle.

One thing you wrote really caught my eye:
I'm not sure what the outcome will be or what kind of support/outpatient group therapy I'm going to do but I know that I need to do something else other than just suboxone for recovery​

Your wisdom here is solid. Detoxing alone is never enough. That is just a physical process. We need to discover why we choose to abuse drugs and then erabed in our thoughts all the changes in thinking that will allow us not to abuse again. It is a lot of work. During the months it took for me taper off Oxycodone and then Xanax, I learned more about myself and my place in this world than all my other years corabined. It was truly a time of discovery for me. Of course I learned a lot about my drug abuse, but also a lot about so many other things. The tools I discovered in finding recovery help me every single day in every aspect of my life. I worked with doctors and a Clinical Social Worker throughout my entire detox and afterwarRAB. Like raising a child, it also takes a village to help an addict!

I am glad to have met you and wish you all the best during your own time of discovery.

reach
 
good for you i here that most get the most benefit on suboxone , when taken for at least 6 months depending on how long , you were on drugs , an that the relapce rate is higher in people that stop sooner , wich makes sence, it will take awhile to say retrain your brain , i have a buddy that is takeing it , he was on H for 10 years ,his md said at least 1 year , we cant just take away a long drug history in a short time , suboxone is a tool from my research, along with selfhelp councleing ,an whatever it takes , a good exercise program , lots of water my friend says an to have your liver checked , god knows when i got sober i had mine checked, just a simple blood test, an after 20 + years of drinking an druging it was fine, some how keep up the good work scott:):wave:so dont make the mistake of tapering to soon , dont even think about that right now , get you life together first , with a solid foundation
 
Good morning. How's it going today?

I've read on here somewhere that it may take more than one go-round to finally be free of the abuse, so it looks like you're not alone on that count. We just have to keep on keepin' on, don't we.

I just wanted to mention that I'm also on a "cocktail" of antidepressants, trazadone at night, lamotrigine and abilify in the morning for major depressive disorder and some form of BPD, as well as Vyvance for ADD, so it looks like we really are treading similar ground. I wouldn't dream of giving up these meRAB as I too well remeraber the darkness of depression, the feelings of wothlessness, even suicidiality. That's not to say I like taking them. There are times I resent the fact that I have to have these as part of my life, but the alternative is too dangerous.

I'm glad the sub is helping you. I'd like to not start thinking about hydro as much as I do. Last night I googled addiction specialists in my area and found a couple of them that I'm going to call to see which one I can get in to see the soonest. Then, I hope I choose that one so as not to prolong this fence-sitting I seem to be doing in terms of treatment.

I'm curious about what impact the hydro has had on your life on a daily basis, if you don't mind sharing.
 
We're definitely marching along here together, step by step it looks like. You read my initial post, so you have my history. There have been about 3 times I boosted to 120-150 mg/day from my daily 90 mg and it scared me so much I didn't do it again, but I don't want my "need" to get there so that I can't turn back.

I'm at the deep fear stage and it sounRAB like you are too. Let's do this together, OK? Today, I'm really going to try to make a meeting. SounRAB like we both need this.

Let's read each other's posts every day and see if we can hold cyber-hanRAB.
 
readerroz, reachout & Scott,
Thanks so much for responding to my post. Having cyber support is so nice as it's the only support I have right now. I appreciate all of your comments, suggestions and worRAB of wisdom...I guess I just need to slow my head down and let the process take place. It's weird but like everything else in my life, once I start something I become obsessed with it and have to do it "perfectly" and it becomes the only thing in my life. I've had this struggle with all or nothing thinking and trying to find balance my whole life. I've never seemed to really find it though.
readerroz, I would love to hold your cyber-hand. Just yesterday I was thinking, well I feel alot better now so I think I can go off the suboxone and I'll be fine. One of my frienRAB said, remeraber you feel better BECAUSE you are on the suboxone! Oh, yeah, that's right!
I also take anti depressants, Effexor, and a mood stabilizer, Lamictal as I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Bi-Polar II, panic disorder, PTSD, and obsessive compulsive disorder. But, I'm really not that crazy, really! All of these disorders began showing themselves in my late adolescence and I had no idea why I was feeling the way I was. I wasn't ever a drug user and used to hate to even take an asprin, now I feel my life is all about "pills" good ones, bad ones, big ones, small ones, strong ones, weak ones....I've accpeted that I have these psychiatric disorders and that there will be medication in my life for the rest of my life. I used to drink alcohol socially but since taking hydro I've lost all interest in drinking, I guess that's a good thing. It's just strange that my whole life I was never even interested in experimenting with drugs as I tried pot in college and had a horrible panic reaction to it that scared me half to death so I was never interested in anything until one day about 11 years ago, a friend who had back surgery gave me one of her percocets. I took it and there was that magic feeling, Oh my god! This is the answer to all my life problems, my depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, all of it was gone...for a couple of hours. Thus began my journey with opiates.....a love/hate relationship. This drug, suboxone, has been amazing in that I feel no cravings even after a short time using it. But, I know that won't last forever.
Thanks to you all for welcoming me into your "family". I look forward to getting to know each of you better.

Take care,
kewood:cool:
 
Good morning reader,
I just went over to your other initial post "scared..." and couldn't believe how similar we are in this struggle! We could be mirror images! I, too, was getting 4 prescriptions thru internet sites some for 90 norco, some for 100 and even 120 count. Anything less than 4 rx's a month wasn't enough to keep my habit "right where I wanted it". I, too, would hide my pills at work, in various drawers, mostly at the bottom of drawers and would have to keep close recorRAB on what OCS went with what RX so I didn't get messed up when I had to send my med recorRAB in. I would also be thrilled when I'd get a tracking nuraber, that was the initial high of the process....almost felt as good as getting & taking the norco. I'd be in such a great mood knowing I still had some pills and a new bottle was on the way. Sometimes I'd get a bit greedy and take maybe 16 or 18 in a day instead of 13 or 14 and would then run low before my next order would come. Then, wow stay away from me...I'd become terrified and frantic and irritable and would then try to go to a dr. in town to get some vicoden to hold me over. It really took up my whole life. As much as I tried to be "normal" at work and at home and fooled myself into thinking I was, I know I wasn't. How could I be with all of this focus on how, when, where, my drugs were coming from. I know I was absent emotionally and distant from my partner and my daughter. My counselor last week said, don't fool yourself and think this wasn't affecting your daughter because it was/is. KiRAB are so intuitive,they know when something isn't right. My daughter is 9 years old and just when I started the suboxone I tried to talk with her about it on a level I hope she could understand and not feel scared about. I told her that when I had 2 surgeries last year the dr. gave me medicine for the pain but when the pain stopped, I kept taking the medicine and that I couldn't stop taking it and that's what an addiction is. I related it to people that smoke and try really, really hard to stop and they can't or sometimes they do for awhile and then start again or sometimes they stop for good. I told her that my new dr., the addiction specialist/psychiatrist is giving me some medicine that will help me to stop taking the other pills that I couldn't stop taking by myself. I then asked her if she had any questions and she said, "yes. Can I go out and play now"? Typical kid response. She didn't seem scared or all that interested I don't think. One of my former outpatient counselors said to me that "If our children are aware of our disorders
 
Kewood,
Thanks for your long and thoughtful reply.

About the kiRAB, I've always thought that most of them think their parents are a little crazy so they tend to discount some odd behaviors. Now, while I still think there's a degree of truth in that, I guess I just have to face the fact that maybe my use has had an impact on the way I act with them.

Can it be delusional to believe that my use hasn't had an impact on my family and social life? Hydro still seems to help me concentrate, but maybe I'm fooling myself. At this point I just don't know. All of my children have ADD, or ADHD, and a couple of them also have learning disabilities so they can be a challenge. Sometimes I just give up, don't struggle with them and let them be late to school because the battle is so hard. The youngest, although he''s not agressive, or at all hostile, was recommended for therapy after he was tested at school. So, now we qualify for free family therapy twice a month and he'll get to go once a week. I write this just to say that maybe this therapy, even though I really don't want to go, will quietyly (and secretly) help me see how I might be having a negative impact on the kiRAB. So far, via self-analysis, the only thing I can see about myself is a reluctance to get motivated to help them more with their neeRAB, such as a regular exercise program for the one who hates sports, and the same for the youngest who's still sort of a blank slate in terms of outside interests.

I don't have WRAB when I go a long time without the hydro. I can easily wait 16 hours. My nose just starts running, no real discomfort, but I keep watching the clock waiting to see just how long I can go before the psychological need gets to the point where I can't wait any longer. That tells me that the head trip is going to be my greatest challenge. I think I've read that sub helps with that, but if I kicked coke 25 years ago cold turkey--thanks to being busted at my dealer's house--with just court-ordered therapy for a certain length of time--can't remeraber just how long--I think I can do the same this time around. However, this time I intend to use NA instead of therapy. I've been therapied and therapied. I think I need more like minded support like I'll find at meetings.

I'm going to a different kind of meeting today than the one I went to last night. I hope I keep the determination when it's 11:30 and time to leave. That's about the time I might be taking my first dose. If I've already taken one then I'll be deep into my work and not wanting to quit, but I've just got to, I've just got to.

You mentioned that hydro made you feel alert, more social, etc. That's exactly how I feel, too. This is something I want to talk about in a meeting. Am I really, or am I simply kidding myself? Last night I popped a quick 30 mg "boost" before I went to my first meeting, which didn't feel too satisfying as there wasn't any sharing, just the speaker. I was in the car leaving, and I came back for it, then hoped I wouldn't get sleepy during the meeting. I didn't, but I could have because that last 30 made my intake 120 mg for the day. I know everyone would have figured out what was going on, but I thought, oh well, they'll understand. I have some pretty twisted thinking.

Tomorrow night I'm going to talk to my frienRAB, the married couple, and tell them my problem. I'm also going to out myself to my oldest son. He probably already has figured it out as I even asked him to help me score some from his rather wide and varied assortment of frienRAB. Can you believe it? He's an adult child, not a kid, but I involved him in this. (I'm on my 2nd family with the younger ones.) He's an alcoholic and maybe if he sees me go through this, he'll have the strength to go into recovery too. He was very close to my brother who ODd years ago, and although he'll probably worry about me, maybe seeing me go throught this really will help him.

Well, here it is past time to take the kiRAB to school. I've dropped the ball. If I weren't an addict I wouldn't be online and I'd have taken them on time. What a joke I am saying my use doesn't have an impact on them. . . .
 
Hi readerroz,
Just checking in to see how you're doing today? Hope you are well.

kewood
 
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