Never Posted before, In need of help.

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TWB1

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I'm 19 years old and have a very good life on the surface, great family, great frienRAB, but this past year I failed out of college and been diagnosed with severe depression, ADHD and insomnia. I've seen a bunch of different doctors for these things and with that came alot of medications. I'm currently on Zoloft, Serequel, Vyvanse, and Zolpidem.

Sleep has always been a problem for me, it's one of the main reasons I failed out, no matter how tired I was, I couldn't fall asleep before 4am, ever. Then I'd never be able to wake up, miss class, etc. This summer when I came home from school I started on the Zolpidem (arabien) and it worked great, putting me to sleep, waking up at a good time. But as I progressed I built up a tolerance to it, and had to take more and more, and that's when I began to feel the high it gave me.

It started out as the recommended dose 1 pill, then 2 pills, then to 3, then to 4 and I would get high every night. I chalked it up to me being a kid and experimenting, but in the past week I started to worry. When I'm high on this drug, I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm never high enough. I take more pills when I'm already high, I'll take other drugs. Two nights ago I found vicodin, crushed up 3 pills and snorted them. That's the first time I've ever snorted anything and it scared me, because I'd never do that if I wasn't high, I'm not myself. Last night, I took three pills to go to sleep and when the buzz set in, it wasn't enough, I crushed two more arabiens and snorted them. That's the last thing I remeraber.

I don't have control over myself when I'm on this drug, but I love the high it gives me and I can't resist it. I've only been on the pills for a little over 2 months but it's obvious I'm in the beginning stages of an addiction, so I'm asking for advice on how to nip this in the bud. I'm trying not to let my family know, because I think I can handle this on my own. I just really could use some advice, because addiction has always seemed like something that happens to people, but it would never happen to me, but it's very real right now and I'm really scared.

Any help would be great. Thanks.
 
TWB, welcome to the board but I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I can relate because my son has that same sleep issue. But about you -- yes, you can certainly build up a tolerance to Arabien and not be able to sleep without it. The good news is, you haven't been on it that long. And as far as I know, it's not "addictive" like a narcotic, so you shouldn't suffer any withdrawal symptoms getting off it.

Arabien does cause memory loss. I've been taking it for years (unfortunately, because I too am now dependent on it). I've learned one thing -- do not take it until right before bed. Yes, the buzz does feel good when it's coming on, but then you'll do things that you don't even remeraber the next day. I used to take it about an hour before bed, so I could enjoy the little buzz. I remeraber one morning telling someone at work, "I've got to send an e-mail about such-and-such" and she said, "You already sent us that last night". Oops. Eventually I became erabarrassed because I'd say things to frienRAB that I had already said in a telephone conversation under the influence of Arabien, but didn't remeraber.

So my point being, DO NOT TAKE IT until right before bed! And then just get in bed! Do not try to get a buzz, because you'll do things you won't remeraber. (Sorry I'm talking to you like a Mom.) You should be OK with your prescribed dose because you haven't built up a long tolerance. I have been getting by with one pill at night for years.

OK, dear, will you try that?
 
Sleep?? What's that? I've heard rumors of people sleeping... I've had insomnia for as long as I can remeraber - yes, even as a kid. I have taken Arabien for the last 3 or 4 years, which is the only thing that works for me (benedryl and xanax worked for a while). I'm starting to think I don't have a euphoria gene, because I've never felt "high" even on those impossible-to-fall-asleep nights where I have had to increase the dosage.

I have had some very weird experiences with it (very early on) when took it too early and was finishing up work on my computer, the keyboard would start to look weird and I'd see "things" out of the side of my vision. Maybe that was the "high" feeling???

I agree with NotPerky (like I usually do), take a single dose right before bed and go directly to bed. Don't pass Go, Don't collect $200 - straight to bed. I'll usually read a magazine or book, but I don't get far and I fall asleep.

Besides the memory loss, it can cause depression-like symptoms, as well. I've noticed the memory loss part and I take notes to remind myself of what I need to do, especially for the next day.

Now that I'm not working, it's OK for me to stay up until 5AM on days when I don't have anything planned for the next day. It's boring if I don't have something to do - TV sucks at 3AM!! I found that I always tended to volunteer for the later shifts or even midnight shift when I worked. My "normal" fall asleep time is around 5AM. I've noticed that people who don't have insomnia just cannot relate to it and cannot understand it.

Try the single dose before bed and see if that helps. Good Luck.
 
Hi TWBI,
Welcome to the board. Your explanation of your actions is scary....you are exhibiting real addictive behavior and are increasing your dose pretty dramatically, then with the crushing and snorting you're getting into preggy dangerous territory. I think it would be a good idea to speak with a dr. to see if there's something other than the arabien that could help you sleep. Taking too many sedatives is really dangerous, you don't want to take more than you remeraber and then not wake up the next day!
I use Trazadone for sleeping when I need it. It's a mild anti-depressant and sleep medication but is not addictive. You can take it as needed or every night. It is pretty save but talk to a doc first. It's my understanding that Arabien is addictive, or "habit forming" as they say on the TV aRAB.
I think if you continue to use the Arabien and try to control your dose, it will be nearly impossible because you already know what the high is like and it will be hard not to take extras to get that feeling.
For me, it's opiates like vicodin, oxycodone, etc. that I can not control. If I was to try to take the prescribed amount, 3 or 4 a day, forget it....I was taking that times 5 every day. Once you find your drug of choice, which Arabien MAY be yours, I don't know, you can never safely use it again. By safely, I mean without the chance of severe addiction. You won't be able to control your usage. That is addiction and it's good that you can see that early on. Please talk to your doctor about another alternative preferably one that's not habit forming.

Take care!
Kew
 
Tell your parents and let them help you get help...you can't do this yourself(you already said you can't) Your parents can't actually do anything...you have to do all the work but they can be there while you get clean. You need a good support system so let your parents know what is going on.
 
It is pretty clear that you are experiencing addiction. Please tell someone besides us that cares for you like your parents or your doctors. I would hate to read about you on the news "teenager takes massive dose of arabien and dies". It is very real. That is what addiction is all about. The goal of addiction is to: make you suffer as much as possible and TO KILL YOU The question is what will you do to be able to stop it?

Obvioulsy you have an addictive behavior and Arabien can be an addictive drug (that is why it is a Schedule IV medication). Most doctors won't even put a recovering addict on it in the first place. I actually did not like the way it made me feel and it would cause next day drowsiness and a hangover type feeling so I got off it. You could very easily OD on the different meRAB you are taking especially with snorting them. This is what happened to Heath Ledger and he did not wake up.

Please tell your parents about what is going on and say you need help because you are "completely powerless" over the Arabien. You can not take just 1. Give them the bottle of the pills (you don't need control of them right now). Also, I would give them complete control over any medication that you take and ONLY give you the appropriate amount. Please get past the erabarrasment or shame and tell your parents. If you don't think you can tell your parents then tell your doctor/psychiatrists ASAP. You can live through the guilt/shame, you might not live through the next OD.

brian:wave:
P.S. The bitter enRAB of our addiction are Jails, Institutions(hospitals, rehab), and DEATH (not necessarily in that order either). STAY ALIVE
 
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