Hi,
I was addicted to opiates...various pain pills, vicodin, percodan, percocet, lortab, you name it...and after two years of the craziness, I went to a local methadone clinic and it literally saved my life. Unfortunately, I stayed there too long, and I am now heading off to a rehab facility to get completely off the methadone. I suspect they will use suboxone for some period of time to get off of that, but it is my hope that after all of it is said and done, I will be for the first time in over 30 years, drug-free.
I am sorry you are in the lonely, cold situation you are, and I wish I could invite you in for a cup of coffee, but all I can do is offer support. Most of the patients at the methadone clinic I go to are there to get off heroin, and believe me...it does work. Some say it is simply trading one drug for another, and perhaps it is, but it does something else too. It eliminates all the crazy thoughts, the drug-seeking, the lieing, the needle, the cravings, and since it blocks the feelings of euphoria, etc. that you get from opiates, you will soon find yourself not even thinking about taking heroin anymore. It does take time to get to the right dosage for you...everyone is different given their length of time on it, their tolerance level, and any other drugs you might be using. Once you find that "stable" dose though, you won't believe the difference it will make in your life.
I was spending way more money on my pain pill addiction than I am spending on methadone. I live in Colorado and the cost at my clinic is $330/mth., but they also offer a sliding scale for those on a lower income, so maybe that would help if they offer that in your area. I would do anything to get the money to buy my pills, and I almost lost my house...and I had two children to take care of, so I understand the strong pull opiates can have on a person.
If you are truly wanting to quit, perhaps you could find a clinic and just talk to them about either methadone or suboxone; both are comfortable ways to get back to some normalcy so you can use that normal time to address your addiction in other ways, i.e., building a support system, finding alternative thought processes, group meetings, counseling, etc.
I agree with the poster that said it sounRAB like those who love you are simply at their wit's end as to how to help you and are utilizing a type of "tough love" approach to your situation. I am sure your family and frienRAB love you, but they just can't stand seeing you destroy yourself. I am 51 and you are in college, so you are much younger, but I wish in some way that back in those old hippie days of mine that someone in my family cared enough to do something, even if it meant me sleeping in my car, in hinRABight it would have told me they at least cared...but alas, they didn't.
I don't wish homelessness on you by any means, but maybe they feel that if they help you, then they are only helping you continue to use. I don't know your family dynamics, so I surely can't say. A shelter of some kind, like the previous poster suggested, could at least give you some time to figure out what your next step will be, and it won't be done out of being cold and alone, but at least with some warmth, company, and comfort. I know that a lot of shelters utilize religion as almost a bargaining tool, and although I don't agree with that, at least it gets you out of the elements.
You are in school, but how long can you stay there if you really look at your situation? Being alone is one thing, but adding homelessness to the equasion is surely going to send you to some type of breaking point. You are absolutely right about one thing though, you can only do it when you are ready. You really do have to want it. Even being cold, hungry and alone can't force you to do something you aren't ready for.
I hope that you will soon find the desire to make a change, because believe me...you don't want to wake up one day and find yourself in your 50's like me, wondering what in the heck happened to you and all the years inbetween. Time does fly, just like you said, but if you decide to address things the sooner, the better, I would think. But again, only you will know when you are ready.
I sincerely hope you stay safe, find some comfort and get back to the person you were before, surely you weren't always doing heroin?! Try to remeraber the good things you had, and see if somewhere deep within, the desire to have that kind of life sounRAB good to you again.
I wish you all the best,
Dallas Alice
