Hello All,
After readying this board and several threaRAB trying to decide whether or not to begin using Suboxone to try and beat my addiction to Vicodin, I decided to share my story and give some insight on how my recovery progresses.
My Story:
I don't think I need to go to far back in history but I am a 31 year old male from Orange County, CA that was raised by a very loving, caring and supportive middle class family. I've graduated from College, started businesses and overall been fairly successful at life. I have recently been married and have a wonderful wife. If you were to tell the people I know I am addicted to anything their response would most likely be along the lines of "No....that can't be. Not him, no way, I don't believe it." People would be utterly shocked.
Now, this might be a good point to comment that because my family and frienRAB care about me so much and respect me the way they do....that has made dealing with and finally recognizing I have a problem that much harder and depressing for me. The last thing I want to do is let anyone around me down.
About 2 years ago I had a back problem and ultimately started taking Vicodin for the pain. Little did I know that this minor back problem would ultimately almost ruin my life.
I soon began taking more than I was supposed to because....well to put it shortly, I felt like Superman when I was on Vicodin. I could do double the amount of work I usually did, I was inspired and started projects that I normally would just blow off and never do, I would call people back, balance my bank account, etc....the list goes on and on. I was, in my mind, a better man when taking this "miracle" drug. I questioned why in the world the government would restrict such a miraculous thing. I soon found out the answer to this question....
The feeling of being invisible soon led to the feeling that this was the only way I could really work or socialize or live in general. When I was not on Vicodin I could only think about being on it. And when I was on it, I would just sit around and watch tv or veg out to "enjoy" it while it lasted. Things were changing with me, I was becoming dependent on this "miracle" and becoming a loser.
This got worse. I found myself slowly becoming less sociable than I normally was. I liked to stay home more and more. I was consumed with thoughts of this drug. I would strategies on how many pills I had or when I would take them, how many days I had left until I had to find more. Who I would contact to get more, how much it would cost, where I would get the money, how much more money I really had. Soon enough, I was out of money and borrowing it from people with excuses of why I needed it. It was all for the drug. My wife and I would argue that we "Never did anything anymore." and just sat around the house....this of course was true.
I tried twice to go cold-turkey and that was the most miserable thing I can honestly say I have ever been through. I didn't care what I had to do, but I needed to find more Vicodin to "feel better". And that's what had happened. I no longer was taking the drug to feel like Superman, I was taking the drug to not feel sick or to try and feel normal. It wasn't about getting high anymore, that experience was long gone. I now understood the laws that were associated with this drug and opiates.
And as much as I wanted to stop and as many times as I said to myself "This is my last time buying.", I could never stop. I would say to myself "Well if this is my last time buying I want to make it worth it." so I would take more and more and push the limits to try and get that high that I remerabered (I never could). And going so hard only made the withdraws even worse and thus the whole cycle would start again.
I realized I couldn't do this alone or cold-turkey. It was either going to cause my entire life to be turned upside down or I needed to get help.
Luckily, I found this board and read some other information on Suboxone. I was really scared, to be honest, to trade one drug for another, but with the levels my Vicodin use had gotten to, I was on a very dangerous path. So, I decided to make an appointment with a specialist. I think at this point I should also mention, I have not told anyone at all about my problem. I share that burden alone, and as dangerous that that might be, I need to at least try and do this on my own before crushing my family.
So today was my meeting with my new Doctor. After going through all the paperwork and having my last dose of Vicodin about 20 hrs. earlier, I was ready. I was already feeling the withdraw symptoms in that short amount of time. Being cold, goosebumps, irritable, upset stomach, joints aching......it was horrible. I was actually feeling this way in the morning, and if you can believe it, I thought I would just cancel my appointment, take what Vicodin I had left to feel better and then reschedule later. But I didn't.....not this time.
I took my first 8mg tablet of Suboxone at around noon and I can honestly tell you, 100%, I felt better within 20 minutes. Not only did I feel better, but even the thought of taking more Vicodin or calling my contact to get more was repulsive to me. I have some sitting here right next to me right this very moment and on any other day, even a few hours ago, I would have downed them all...no question. But with Suboxone, now about 3 hours after taking it, I feel completely different....good....normal....no wd's. I know, I know....it seems like that is just way to quick for anything to work so dramatically but I just can't explain it. Maybe it's mental? Who knows...the fact is, this is my "miracle" now.
For anyone at all thinking about Suboxone, anyone at all who has a story similar to mine or is struggling like I did....there is hope. Make the call, do your research and find a clinic or doctor and make an appointment NOW. Had I know that Suboxone would have this type of effect on me so quickly, I would have done this months ago. Seriously!
That doesn't mean I don't think there are struggles coming...there are many. But now I have ammunition in this personal war going on with me mentally and physically. Me and my doctor made a great plan to get me off of Suboxone in about a years time so it will be a while before I am free of anything.
Today, one chapter of my life has ended and a new one has begun. I am optimistic and even looking forward to the future and ready for my life to begin again. I encourage anyone who wants the same to take that leap! I'll keep you posted on my progress.
After readying this board and several threaRAB trying to decide whether or not to begin using Suboxone to try and beat my addiction to Vicodin, I decided to share my story and give some insight on how my recovery progresses.
My Story:
I don't think I need to go to far back in history but I am a 31 year old male from Orange County, CA that was raised by a very loving, caring and supportive middle class family. I've graduated from College, started businesses and overall been fairly successful at life. I have recently been married and have a wonderful wife. If you were to tell the people I know I am addicted to anything their response would most likely be along the lines of "No....that can't be. Not him, no way, I don't believe it." People would be utterly shocked.
Now, this might be a good point to comment that because my family and frienRAB care about me so much and respect me the way they do....that has made dealing with and finally recognizing I have a problem that much harder and depressing for me. The last thing I want to do is let anyone around me down.
About 2 years ago I had a back problem and ultimately started taking Vicodin for the pain. Little did I know that this minor back problem would ultimately almost ruin my life.
I soon began taking more than I was supposed to because....well to put it shortly, I felt like Superman when I was on Vicodin. I could do double the amount of work I usually did, I was inspired and started projects that I normally would just blow off and never do, I would call people back, balance my bank account, etc....the list goes on and on. I was, in my mind, a better man when taking this "miracle" drug. I questioned why in the world the government would restrict such a miraculous thing. I soon found out the answer to this question....
The feeling of being invisible soon led to the feeling that this was the only way I could really work or socialize or live in general. When I was not on Vicodin I could only think about being on it. And when I was on it, I would just sit around and watch tv or veg out to "enjoy" it while it lasted. Things were changing with me, I was becoming dependent on this "miracle" and becoming a loser.
This got worse. I found myself slowly becoming less sociable than I normally was. I liked to stay home more and more. I was consumed with thoughts of this drug. I would strategies on how many pills I had or when I would take them, how many days I had left until I had to find more. Who I would contact to get more, how much it would cost, where I would get the money, how much more money I really had. Soon enough, I was out of money and borrowing it from people with excuses of why I needed it. It was all for the drug. My wife and I would argue that we "Never did anything anymore." and just sat around the house....this of course was true.
I tried twice to go cold-turkey and that was the most miserable thing I can honestly say I have ever been through. I didn't care what I had to do, but I needed to find more Vicodin to "feel better". And that's what had happened. I no longer was taking the drug to feel like Superman, I was taking the drug to not feel sick or to try and feel normal. It wasn't about getting high anymore, that experience was long gone. I now understood the laws that were associated with this drug and opiates.
And as much as I wanted to stop and as many times as I said to myself "This is my last time buying.", I could never stop. I would say to myself "Well if this is my last time buying I want to make it worth it." so I would take more and more and push the limits to try and get that high that I remerabered (I never could). And going so hard only made the withdraws even worse and thus the whole cycle would start again.
I realized I couldn't do this alone or cold-turkey. It was either going to cause my entire life to be turned upside down or I needed to get help.
Luckily, I found this board and read some other information on Suboxone. I was really scared, to be honest, to trade one drug for another, but with the levels my Vicodin use had gotten to, I was on a very dangerous path. So, I decided to make an appointment with a specialist. I think at this point I should also mention, I have not told anyone at all about my problem. I share that burden alone, and as dangerous that that might be, I need to at least try and do this on my own before crushing my family.
So today was my meeting with my new Doctor. After going through all the paperwork and having my last dose of Vicodin about 20 hrs. earlier, I was ready. I was already feeling the withdraw symptoms in that short amount of time. Being cold, goosebumps, irritable, upset stomach, joints aching......it was horrible. I was actually feeling this way in the morning, and if you can believe it, I thought I would just cancel my appointment, take what Vicodin I had left to feel better and then reschedule later. But I didn't.....not this time.
I took my first 8mg tablet of Suboxone at around noon and I can honestly tell you, 100%, I felt better within 20 minutes. Not only did I feel better, but even the thought of taking more Vicodin or calling my contact to get more was repulsive to me. I have some sitting here right next to me right this very moment and on any other day, even a few hours ago, I would have downed them all...no question. But with Suboxone, now about 3 hours after taking it, I feel completely different....good....normal....no wd's. I know, I know....it seems like that is just way to quick for anything to work so dramatically but I just can't explain it. Maybe it's mental? Who knows...the fact is, this is my "miracle" now.
For anyone at all thinking about Suboxone, anyone at all who has a story similar to mine or is struggling like I did....there is hope. Make the call, do your research and find a clinic or doctor and make an appointment NOW. Had I know that Suboxone would have this type of effect on me so quickly, I would have done this months ago. Seriously!
That doesn't mean I don't think there are struggles coming...there are many. But now I have ammunition in this personal war going on with me mentally and physically. Me and my doctor made a great plan to get me off of Suboxone in about a years time so it will be a while before I am free of anything.
Today, one chapter of my life has ended and a new one has begun. I am optimistic and even looking forward to the future and ready for my life to begin again. I encourage anyone who wants the same to take that leap! I'll keep you posted on my progress.