My sexuality has seriously messed up my head, I need therapy, but I need

[jack]

your help first? HELP, im 16, 3 weeks ago while I was masturbating I was curious too see if I could suck my own penis and I reached and after I did it i FREAKED out, so paranoid/obsessive and suffer from bad anxiety, I dont know if I liked sucking a penis or I liked getting my penis sucked. This is so fustrating, before I did it I was obsessed with girls, but ever since I have to look at all guys in a sexual way and its depressing, before I thought the idea of gay was sick to me I was known as the homophobic friend. I still cant go a day without masturbating to straight porn and girl fantasys, but then in my mind I think "whats so good about a vagina, what about a dick" and this almost drives me to sucide, I constantly check gay porn to see if i get an erection or think gay thoughts to see if i get one but i never do, Im scared to be around my male friends incase I try to kiss them or they kiss me, I just want to go back to my old ways where I was 100% sure I was straight.There also be's times where I realise im stupid then something spikes it again, and I was sleep talking last night and my mother heard me say "thank god im not gay" and stuff, I just keep getting pyhscological about it and think why does boobs and vagina turn me on? whats so good about them? and when I see a hot girl i get sad because I think im gay so im not aloud to have sex with them, I really dont want to have sex with a guy, This has interfeared so much with my life, and I want it to stop