My screwed up way of thinking

  • Thread starter Thread starter ReadyToBeDone
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ReadyToBeDone

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*sigh* Ok, here goes. I got clean Aug 25, 2007 (several ppl know my story), and have worked my @$$ off to stay clean...meetings, steps, treatment, prayer, meditation, sponsor, etc etc. Ok, so about a week ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and it was extremely painful. I went to dr., and what do they give me? yep, lorcet...well, truth is ibuprofen and tordal weren't doing it, so i did need something stronger. So, I made it through the whole ordeal...didn't get more, didn't go out looking, not still taking them, done....but I had about 2 days of w/d's...so, i guess my body thought "woohoo, here we go again." Now, I wasn't on them long, and not a very high dose, so the w/d's were mild compared to what i had when i first got clean, but now the mental crap starts. I feel like I've failed. I know that's crazy, but I do..I keep doing the whole "You should've been stronger, and turned them down, yadda yadda yadda". Which has thrown me into isolation mode, which will not be good if I don't get out of. I do not want to go back, I really don't. But the thing is I'm packing my bags and putting myself on this guilt trip. Has anyone else gone through this?

Stay Strong,
RTBD
 
the simple fact that you were able to use what you need then stop is a HUGE HUGE accomplishment and has put you way ahead of the game friend. Like everyone else said, give yourself a break. Most would have not been that strong.
 
Hey there,

I will tell you what my sponsor told me. "addicts have pain" So long as you follow your prescription orders and don't deviate you should be fine. I have a chronic pain issue that requires a medication. I talked to my sponsor and he told me to have someone else hold on to the meRAB and give them to me.

My wife has those ovarian cysts so I can imagine the pain your are in. Take care and I don't think you should feel like a failure. Addicts have pain.

d
 
Ready-
I want you to go back and read your post for me. Read it slowly, and aloud to yourself, ok?!?

When you get to the part about "failure", I want you to delete it- period.

After you delete it, I want you to read your updated post again- aloud to yourself. Then what you need to do is go to the nearest mirror in your house, take a long look at the wonderful person standing in front of you and give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back.

In no way have you failed. You had true pain (I know, I've had ruptured cysts before) and you got treatment for the pain. You were responsible with the meRAB and then stopped taking them. You go girl!!

Hugs coming your way! :D
 
You guys sooo rock!! I feel so much better after reading everyone's posts. (quit banging ur head reach, it'll start to swell..lol) I think sometimes I just get so caught up in the little things, but fail to see the bigger picture.*sigh* I am sooo glad you all are here.

Stay Strong
RTBD
 
So glad that you feel better!

There is no need to punish yourself! Enjoy life! You have come a long way and deserve to!

I am so thankful that Reach can stop banging her head too.. We need her to be able to think clearly as she keeps us all "seeing the light" when we need it the most!
XOXOOXOX
 
HEY DORSKIN!!!!! Nice to see you!

I agree... I have been thinking about this and us addicts are bound to have a time in their life where we have pain.... I have had MANY ovarian cysts rupture over the years.. Well, since I have been 9 years old in fact... The latest one was in Noveraber.. Thanksgiving Day actually.... I cried in bed because I was in so much pain and I was afraid to go get help because I had just gotten clean.... So.. Dorskin made a good point... Addicts do have pain.

You are not a failure. You did not self medicate.. you did not seek out more.. You kept in control! I think you won that battle actually... Self loathing never does any good. You are a good person! By the way... UNPACK your bags and let it go..... you can do it!

Hope this message finRAB you in better spirits!!!!
 
Hi Ready, I agree w/ everyone. You're no failure ! I wish I could take pain meRAB. responsibly like you did. Booze is my main addiction but I was given Vicodin for my nerve pain that was caused by my alcohol intake. Didn't take long before I was going through the whole script in a day or two, I didn't think I could ever have a problem w/ pills. Boy I was wrong. Now I have to take the over-counter meRAB which doesn't help much. Anything mind altering I abuse unfortunately. This is only day # 12 of being completely clean but I'm thankful for it. I admire your courage. Please take care, Mike
 
You are definitely NOT a failure...you followed the script and took what you needed. That's a BIG deal. Because we do hurt and we do have to take measures to ease our pain....being an addict doesn't mean that we have to suffer.
 
Hi There Ready

Smack, smack, smack.

That is the sound of me whacking my foreheadas I read your post. Girl, the only screwed up part of the thinking there is that you have had a great success and see it as a failure. Uh, DUH!

Ready, staying clean does not make us invincible, for Pete's sake. LAst year, after months of no pain pills or benzos, I had a severe kidney infection and a pulled back to boot. I went to ER and told them of my pain and explained I had withdrawn from all opiates and benzos. Was right up front about it. The pain got progressively worse and when the docs decided I needed morphine, I stuck my arm out willingly. It took three shots to calm the pain to tolerable and I was grateful for each of them. I was sent home with a Vicodin script and I used the Vicodin the next day. By then the antibiotic was kicking in and the pain decreased and I ditched the rest of the Vicodan. I wasn't a failure... I was acting responsibly about pain meRAB and using them for what they werer designed for. Just like you did.

I will always, always try over the counter, non narcotic remedies first as well as heat and ice, etc. However, if the body is still screaming pain, then I am going to let a doctor decide if I need something strong and take it as directed. In our new thinking, we have become more aware of when it is no longer needed and we stop.

Okay, my Sweetpea, lose the negative failure business quick becuase my forehead is getting sore from banging it. Chuckles.

Love you
reach
 
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