S
Sc@rleT#1
Guest
Hey I wrote a few poems.
Now can you tell me if it's good 'cause my friends don't reallying like poems and writing. So first they wouldn't understand and second they have hard time trying to listen!
N e way tell me if they sound crap and rate each 1-10
Also tell me which is your fave too?
Shadow
"Help"
I'm trapped in a far away land.
Within you but still away from you.
If there's light, I'm right behind you
If there's darkness I'm hidden from you
If only you'd help.....
Break this curse, upon me
I'd be yours and you'd be mine
I'd twist your life in an adventures story
Which shall go down history
Like the meaning of LOVE.
( does the end make sense or out of place? )
Fire
Fire is furious
It's meant to burn and warm.
Ruling the earth and ruling your heart.
That is it's job for today and forever.
Don't try to play with fire
'Cause you know you'll get burned
Learn to live with it as you learn to love
Fire is a gift from god
To help you understand the consequences of life
So use it with care!
You
When I look through your eyes
I see nothin' but love
When I stand by your side
I feel safer than ever
When I hug you
I feel your warmth
When I kiss you
I kiss you with all my heart
When I'm around you
I be just myself
When you talk to me
I feel free and loved
Your appearance makes my heart smile
Your voice scares the evil upon me
And
Your love makes me feel unique
Now, All I wanna say is
"I LOVE YOU"
&
"This is Real"
Tell me what you think and n e way u'd hink I'd be able to improve it. Thanks so Much!! (^_^)
Please give me more details then just "it's good"
Now can you tell me if it's good 'cause my friends don't reallying like poems and writing. So first they wouldn't understand and second they have hard time trying to listen!
N e way tell me if they sound crap and rate each 1-10
Also tell me which is your fave too?
Shadow
"Help"
I'm trapped in a far away land.
Within you but still away from you.
If there's light, I'm right behind you
If there's darkness I'm hidden from you
If only you'd help.....
Break this curse, upon me
I'd be yours and you'd be mine
I'd twist your life in an adventures story
Which shall go down history
Like the meaning of LOVE.
( does the end make sense or out of place? )
Fire
Fire is furious
It's meant to burn and warm.
Ruling the earth and ruling your heart.
That is it's job for today and forever.
Don't try to play with fire
'Cause you know you'll get burned
Learn to live with it as you learn to love
Fire is a gift from god
To help you understand the consequences of life
So use it with care!
You
When I look through your eyes
I see nothin' but love
When I stand by your side
I feel safer than ever
When I hug you
I feel your warmth
When I kiss you
I kiss you with all my heart
When I'm around you
I be just myself
When you talk to me
I feel free and loved
Your appearance makes my heart smile
Your voice scares the evil upon me
And
Your love makes me feel unique
Now, All I wanna say is
"I LOVE YOU"
&
"This is Real"
Tell me what you think and n e way u'd hink I'd be able to improve it. Thanks so Much!! (^_^)
Please give me more details then just "it's good"