My Faded Dreams
New member
Long story, sorry, but I'll try to make it short.
I got married almost 2 years ago to a really amazing, wonderful man, but my parents didn't approve. They never gave me a good reason why they don't like him, and he's never given them a reason to hate him, but I suspect its simply because I'm white and he's not. I used to be really close to my parents, especially my dad, but things started unraveling after the wedding. They were never really friendly to him and always had something negative to say. I tried to keep the peace between everyone and thought I could fix everything, but things just got worse. Summer of 2009 my husband and I got into a fight and our neighbors called the police. He was arrested and charged with domestic abuse even though he didn't do anything to me and we got a no-contact order. He got out of jail on bail and we were waiting for his trial, living together at his parents in the meantime despite the no-contact order. I tried to get the order removed, but that failed. Our community is small and small-town politics are horrid. My dad has a pretty high social standing around here, knows a lot of judges, cops, etc. The prosecutor who worked on my husbands case and the judge are both good friends of his, and as a result, I was unable to get the order removed. Then my parents called the cops and told them we were together and they came and arrested both of us. Long story short, he ended up pleading guilty to disturbing the peace and trespassing (instead of domestic battery and violating no contact order) and had to spend 4 months in jail. He also has 2 years probabtion and 180 suspended jail days which he will have to do if he violates probation.
We haven't spoken much to my parents since all that, but we see them at family gatherings and stuff. Recently, I've started to have a more forgiving attitude towards them and I've been thinking of trying to talk to them and fix things, especially since I'm having our first baby in 6 weeks. My husband has been trying really hard to prove himself to the probation office, doing everything they ask and more even though the whole thing was a bunch of BS and he has every right to be angry and bitter about it. He's been doing so well and was supposed to have a hearing last week to see if he could be moved to unsupervised probation. At the last minute, it got changed. Today my husband came home from a meeting with his probation officers, and told me that they thought we should get a restraining order put on them. At first I was upset with him because that seemed a little extreme, but then he started almost crying and told me the real reason they were telling him that. My dad somehow found out about his hearing and went in to talk to the judge. He told him that my husband has been going out every night drinking and has been beating me up and stuff, all of which is completely untrue. Luckily, the judge went to the probation office first and asked them about it, and they reassured him that my husband is a great guy, trying to do everything right, etc and he would never do something like that. Anyways, the judge decided to move his trial because of all that and the probation officers strongly suggested the restraining order because they know how things work in this town and they're afraid my parents will do or say something that really screws us over. My husband can't afford to have his probation violated. He wants to go to the marines after all this is done but if he has to go to jail again or has any kind of domestic violence charge on his record, that won't happen.
I feel so terrible about all of this, especially for my husband because he's the one who has to put up with all this crap and he hasn't even done anything. I was so mad today when I found out about what my dad did. I was so ready to move on and trust again and leave the past behind us, but I feel just stupid now because I've been betrayed and let down again. They're still my parents and as much as I might not want to admit it, part of me still cares about them. I think that honestly, the restraining order is a good idea but for some reason I feel guilty about that and I don't understand why. It kind of sucks because I've got 5 little brothers, 4 still living with them, and I don't want to be cut off from them too, but will the restraining order affect them since they're still minors and under my parents roof? I guess I'm just looking for some advice and something to calm me down a bit because I'm so worked up and upset right now I just don't know what to do. What would you do in this situation? Do you have any inspiring words of wisdom to help me feel okay about all this?
I got married almost 2 years ago to a really amazing, wonderful man, but my parents didn't approve. They never gave me a good reason why they don't like him, and he's never given them a reason to hate him, but I suspect its simply because I'm white and he's not. I used to be really close to my parents, especially my dad, but things started unraveling after the wedding. They were never really friendly to him and always had something negative to say. I tried to keep the peace between everyone and thought I could fix everything, but things just got worse. Summer of 2009 my husband and I got into a fight and our neighbors called the police. He was arrested and charged with domestic abuse even though he didn't do anything to me and we got a no-contact order. He got out of jail on bail and we were waiting for his trial, living together at his parents in the meantime despite the no-contact order. I tried to get the order removed, but that failed. Our community is small and small-town politics are horrid. My dad has a pretty high social standing around here, knows a lot of judges, cops, etc. The prosecutor who worked on my husbands case and the judge are both good friends of his, and as a result, I was unable to get the order removed. Then my parents called the cops and told them we were together and they came and arrested both of us. Long story short, he ended up pleading guilty to disturbing the peace and trespassing (instead of domestic battery and violating no contact order) and had to spend 4 months in jail. He also has 2 years probabtion and 180 suspended jail days which he will have to do if he violates probation.
We haven't spoken much to my parents since all that, but we see them at family gatherings and stuff. Recently, I've started to have a more forgiving attitude towards them and I've been thinking of trying to talk to them and fix things, especially since I'm having our first baby in 6 weeks. My husband has been trying really hard to prove himself to the probation office, doing everything they ask and more even though the whole thing was a bunch of BS and he has every right to be angry and bitter about it. He's been doing so well and was supposed to have a hearing last week to see if he could be moved to unsupervised probation. At the last minute, it got changed. Today my husband came home from a meeting with his probation officers, and told me that they thought we should get a restraining order put on them. At first I was upset with him because that seemed a little extreme, but then he started almost crying and told me the real reason they were telling him that. My dad somehow found out about his hearing and went in to talk to the judge. He told him that my husband has been going out every night drinking and has been beating me up and stuff, all of which is completely untrue. Luckily, the judge went to the probation office first and asked them about it, and they reassured him that my husband is a great guy, trying to do everything right, etc and he would never do something like that. Anyways, the judge decided to move his trial because of all that and the probation officers strongly suggested the restraining order because they know how things work in this town and they're afraid my parents will do or say something that really screws us over. My husband can't afford to have his probation violated. He wants to go to the marines after all this is done but if he has to go to jail again or has any kind of domestic violence charge on his record, that won't happen.
I feel so terrible about all of this, especially for my husband because he's the one who has to put up with all this crap and he hasn't even done anything. I was so mad today when I found out about what my dad did. I was so ready to move on and trust again and leave the past behind us, but I feel just stupid now because I've been betrayed and let down again. They're still my parents and as much as I might not want to admit it, part of me still cares about them. I think that honestly, the restraining order is a good idea but for some reason I feel guilty about that and I don't understand why. It kind of sucks because I've got 5 little brothers, 4 still living with them, and I don't want to be cut off from them too, but will the restraining order affect them since they're still minors and under my parents roof? I guess I'm just looking for some advice and something to calm me down a bit because I'm so worked up and upset right now I just don't know what to do. What would you do in this situation? Do you have any inspiring words of wisdom to help me feel okay about all this?