My mother in law is mad at me because...?

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Well, last weekend, my daughter (step-daughter) spent the night with my mother in law and her cousin (which is my MIL adopted grandchild, so she is basically her daughter)
ANYWAY, at about 4pm, the cousin called me and said they would drop my daughter off in about 30 mins, so I said ok and hung up.

30 mins later, the cousin called and said they were on their way to the movie theater and my that my daughter was with them.

When I asked who was driving, she said "her friend" and I said "what friend" and she said "my friend from school."
I said " a guy friend?"
and she said "yeah my friend"
and I said "how old is this friend, is he the 17 yr old?"

keep in mind that my daughter is 14, and her cousin just turned 15
and I said "and who said it was ok to go the the movies? I didn't"

then I asked to speak to my daughter and when I asked her the same questions about this "friend" she said it was the 18 yr old guy "friend" from her cousins school and I told her that she doesnt' make decisions for herself, and who told her she could go to the movies when not 30 mins later the cousin had called saying they would bring her by soon.

anyway I told my daughter that she KNOWS that her dad (my hubby) would be VERY upset to know that she was driving around town with this "18 yr old friend" and that she better get home now.

After this I called my MIL and was telling her (VERY CAMLY, MIND YOU) that I had just spoken with my daughter and that I had asked her to come home, cause One, she never even asked us if she could go anywhere, and second because I didn't think that she needed to be driving around with this 18 yr old.

After giving me this long spiel about how this guy is smart and responsible and he just adore W, (the cousin) that he has been to her house many times this week to help with homework and he is a good kid, and just to throw it in, which I had never heard before, she also said "and he is a Christian boy"

After all was said and done and I still kept my cool, she is mad at me, and my husband for the reason, that even though I was talking about my OWN daughter and not wanting her to be driving around with this guy, she took it as a personal attack on her-basically because if i think its wrong that I dont want my 14 old with this guy, that I think it's wrong that she is letting her 15 yr old out with this so called "friend"

I dont care what she does with W, well I do, but she isnt my daughter so I cant do anything about it.

Should I apologize?

I am a Christian, she is too...well she is a Sunday only Christian I should say.
yes it was a little long winded Rev Sol, but dont read/answer if uve got a problem with it.
Gosh CASS, have some CLASS will ya.
Fireball...because I wanted a Christian perspective, or atleast the perspective of parents who care about the well being of their children.
 
All religion aside...no 14 yo should be left alone with an 18 yo. I would have an absolute fit and I wouldn't apologize at all.
 
Okay yeah i agree with you, your daughter should have called, or texted you and asked if she could go to the movies.

I don't agree on you just saying that she can't drive around with an 18 year old because your daughter is 14, i myself had A LOT of older friends when i was younger, but i think what should have been done in this situation is that she brought the guy over for you to meet him. That was always a rule with me and my parents, as long as they met the person that i was hanging out with and they had their number everything would be cool, and yeah i had to call and check in and stuff.

But just because your daughter is "14" you need to have a little more leeway with her as well. or in my opinion.

and saying sorry to W? i wouldn't that is your daughter and you have the right to tell your daughter to get home whenever you feel like it.
So no i wouldn't apologize for looking after your own daughter.
 
Any religion aside, if this girl is under your guardianship then you need to be consulted before decisions of this magnitude are made about where she goes and who with. She's your daughter, and you are the parent, not your MIL. Sounds like you need to have a sit-down chat with your MIL about boundaries, mainly, her not respecting them.
 
This is like my second daughter. She would do that stuff. If you push her she will sneak and rebel, so you lay down ground rules. With how, you must meet them, what theater, brig home the ticket if possible, the times of the movie. A call while there. be creative. Monitor the hell out of her. Study happens at YOUR house. Have them over, feed them, no closed doors, maybe open areas. You cannot in anyway control the other child or her mom, you can apologize to them and you daughter to keep the proper feelings, but did I say monitor the hell out of her, but allow the freedom. Your a mom you know what I am saying.
 
You are responsible for your step-daughter. They should have checked with you before they allowed the outing. You owe no one an apology.
 
A couple of things. One, I was seen as a good kid when I was his age and I wanted the same thing every guy wants. Booty, Booty, Booty Call, I think I got a Booty call. But on the other hand you seem to be a very good parent who is level headed. Two if this is true I feel that you would have taught here good decision making skills (yes I agree she is 14 and no one makes great decisions at 14), you never know she might surprise you and make the right decisions. Three no one has the right to tell you what to do with your kid and as you said you didn't. If she wants to extrapolate your ideas to her own life that's her problem. Also I do feel she sees that there is something wrong with it, otherwise she would not have been so made and defended it so fiercely. In this situation I do not think Christianity has anything to do with it. But puberty does, if women only knew what 13-20 year old boys think they would be disgusted. It is literally sex 24/7. When I look back now I wonder how I didn't hump everything in sight. She is to young to realize this and that is why she might not have seen this as a problem but your MIL( took me a second to figure that one out) should know better. Christian or not.
 
Doesn't sound like a personal attack to me. Sounds like you are looking out for your step daughter, and asking the MIL to respect your wishes (and her word, for that matter).
At the very least she owes you an apology for not keeping her word (dropping your daughter off to you).

Unfortunately, you probably won't get that from her, since she sounds like some of my relatives who have too much pride in their hearts to know what is right.

I would say if you did what you say you did, and spoke calm and respectful, then you would not owe an apology for telling her to respect her word and your wishes. Jesus didn't apolgize for telling the pharisees what they were doing wrong, and I don't think putting the blame for her faults on yourself is something that is good for Christians to do. It encourages us to take the fault for everything, which shouldn't be the case. We should stand up for what's right, much like you did.
 
I don't think you should apologize. It sounds to me like your MIL is overstepping her boundaries and is trying to go over your and your husband's heads regarding your daughter. She is *your* daughter, not your MIL's, and your MIL should acknowledge your wishes (and boundaries) regarding who your daughter sees, where she goes, and with whom. I think she is the one who should apologize to you.
 
that what is the bible learn your children and more a lot like these stuff ...safe your family man with chaste teachings
 
only read your last question


JUST APOLOGIZE IF YOUR A CHRISTIAN


Set a stinkin example why don't ya
 
From the way you tell it, all you knew is that your 14 yr old was riding around with SOME 18 yrs old boy.
Christian or not, that isnt something a mother should allow.

If you "want" to apologize.. you could say Im sorry we disagreed on this issue. I still wont allow my daughter ro ride around with 18 yrs old boys, but this issue doesnt have to become a major squabble. We just have different ideas on parenting.
 
If the eighteen year or your MIL had any ethics they would have called first and let you decide. After all your legal responsible for your daughters behavior. Claiming so called self appointed christian morals is dubious at best and not an automatic pass.
When W ends up with child will the eighteen year suddenly vanish or end up in court for statutory?
 
If the eighteen year or your MIL had any ethics they would have called first and let you decide. After all your legal responsible for your daughters behavior. Claiming so called self appointed christian morals is dubious at best and not an automatic pass.
When W ends up with child will the eighteen year suddenly vanish or end up in court for statutory?
 
If the eighteen year or your MIL had any ethics they would have called first and let you decide. After all your legal responsible for your daughters behavior. Claiming so called self appointed christian morals is dubious at best and not an automatic pass.
When W ends up with child will the eighteen year suddenly vanish or end up in court for statutory?
 
If the eighteen year or your MIL had any ethics they would have called first and let you decide. After all your legal responsible for your daughters behavior. Claiming so called self appointed christian morals is dubious at best and not an automatic pass.
When W ends up with child will the eighteen year suddenly vanish or end up in court for statutory?
 
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