My Mom complains when babysitting my kids...This is getting ugly- Any Advice?

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My husband and I are 28 and have 2 children- 2 and 6 years of age. He works full time and I work P/T. I work P/T to spend more time with my children and still make a little extra money.
My Mom is married and 50 years old- she does not work and has not for close to 20 years. Her and my Dad are fairly well off with a place at the beach and rental houses. She offered to watch my kids while I work P/T since my husband is still at work (this has been on and off with P/T hours since my son was 3) If she has something she needs to do like an appointment or doesnt feel well- I take my kids with me to work. I drop off my 2 year old off at 2 with an occasional longer day if I get called into work early, or am helping out at my son's school. She doesnt have my son until closer to 3 when he gets out of school- both kids are picked up by 4 with an occasional longer day if my husband stays late- which is preapproved by my Mom of course.
My kids are a handful- I know this- I do discipline them but they are at tough ages and always have been hyperactive. My Mom told me I cant work P/T anymore unless I want to pay for child care- the kids are wearing her down and she wants to be able to do the things she likes to do. She actually said to me "keeping the grandkids every day during the week takes away the joy of having grandkids."
?????!!!!!!!
I am sorry but that comment did hurt me- we have yet to fully discuss this. I am not sure what to do? I do need to work P/T for extra money and cannot pay for child care nor do I want them in child care. The kids love their Grandma. She offered to keep them and now just complains every day and tells me how they are brats.
Keep in mind we never ask her to babysit on the weekends. Never. Not even for special occasions- we do not have another sitter either so my husband and I never get any time together.
Why should I offer to pay her if she doesnt need the money?
I do tell her she's appreciated and try and take her out when I can.
Am I taking advantage of her if she offered from the start?
What does her comment mean?
If anyone has any advice- it would be greatly appreciated.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ANSWERED!!
**When I say P/T I mean 2-3 hours a day maximum with an occasional (once every couple of weeks) long day**
 
her comment means that she doesn't want to watch your kids anymore. apparently she wants to do things for herself. no it's not taking advantage of her if she OFFERED to watch the kids but seeing as how she no longer wants to watch them then she shouldn't have to.
if you can't afford to work part time and pay for child care then you will have to work full time and pay for child care, if there are no other family members to watch the kids.
 
This is a very tough situation. I somewhat understand where you mother is coming from, but I can also understand your side. Maybe your mom is just feeling burnt out, after all she has already raised her children and instead of being a care giver ( even PT) she would rather just be a grandma. I think that when she offered to watch them, you should of offered to pay her a little, in my opinion that would of been the appropriate thing to do. If she said no, then when she brought it up recently you could of said that we went over that and we both agreed on this situation. I know how expensive childcare is, but I think that you are going to have to find a different situation for the kids. You don't want their relationship with their grandparents to suffer. It might get a lot better. As for their behavior, I think maybe you should evaluate somethings. At 6 manners should pretty much be established with an occasional reminder. 2 years on the other hand is a handful even when they are awesome kids, but if you handle behavioral issues now then they are much easier when they are older!
 
I really feel your angst about this situation. The situation that I encountered when I was married is that my in-laws refused to help unless there happened to be an emergency situation. We would interact with my in-laws as a family but they would never or rarely help my then wife and I with the kids. I'm not saying this to brag, because I feel that my x-wife and I got lucky, but my kids are truly great kids and very nearly universally admired. This in a way made the situation even more curious for me.

I remember one day telling my sons who was around five at the time, "Grandma and Pappa are going to baby sit this Friday." to which he responded, "Their going to baby sit, They never baby sit". I learned from that experience that kids know what is going on and I'd bet that your kids know that grandma isn't real happy with them, which is hard for them because she loves them and they love her, but they know the truth.

Since they were my in-laws, it was really up to my wife on how to broach the subject of help. Although it was obvious that they didn't want to help and the times that she sought help, they declined. Our only option was to incur baby sitting charges which meant that we had less. Ultimately our finances were one of many factors that resulted in our divorce. In many ways, I wish we had lived more simply with less, but neither I nor my wife was willing to do away with stuff we "needed".
 
It is wrong for you to expect your mother, who has already raised her own children, to just be happy to care for your ill-mannered children all day simply because they are her grandchildren.

Your kids are not her responsiblity...find suitable childcare for them elsewhere. YES you are taking advantage of her...she offered but didn't realize what it would entail.
 
Put yourself in her possition, she worked hard and raised you and is now at a point in her life where she wasnts to kick back and relax and now she is raising your children 5 days a week instead...you don't ask her to baby sit on weekends?? How big of you.
Yes you are spoiling her relationship withher grandchildren..how can she spoil them when she is almost raisng them.
As for paying..I think she just said it so yu would go and pay someone else not because she wanted the money.
Go find a child minder and pay them before you damage your relationship with your mother.
 
Mom feels like you are taking advantage of her. She knows that you can't afford to pay her. Offer to take her out to eat or find out what little things she may need around the house that you can buy her. Mom may be well off but she may not feel appreciated. Don't get mad by her commit about the kids. Most grand parents don't get the opportunity to spend time with their grand kids so it is a great joy to see them. She is saying to you that she sees them all the time when she babysits them and if they are a hand full she is glad to see them leave then when they come.She loves them so go talk to mom and find out how things can be a little bit smoother when she is babysitting.
 
Is she asking you to pay her or to pay a babysitter? It sounded to me like she wants a break and for you to get another babysitter.

OF COURSE watching the kids everyday takes away the joy of being a grandparent! She has to be a disciplinarian, a teacher, a babysitter, among the many other things when taking care of your kids. Grandparenting is about enjoying them, spoiling them, etc. She doesn't get that because she's the babysitter instead. And you have to understand, she's not as young as you. She may have had the best of intentions by offering to do this for you but now she's realizing just how hard it is on her to watch two very young children every day. It's hard on a young person to do that, you know that as a parent, so imagine how hard it must be for someone her age and who hasn't had kids in the house for quite some time.

You need to find part time daycare for your kids instead of your Mom. Let her babysit when you and your husband go out or whatever so that she has some time with them (and you and your husband get time alone), but don't make her be the everyday babysitter anymore. It's not fair to anyone involved.

If you can't afford daycare on a part time basis, see if you can cut back on other things so you can stay home full time. Or else, work full time so you can afford daycare. But don't harbor resentment or bad feelings for your Mom because she can't cope with this situation any longer.
 
I think what's happening is that grandparents tend to like to spoil the kids rotten and then send them home. And they also usually think that their grandkids are perfect little people who don't do anything wrong and when she's with them all the time it takes away from the "grandparent dillusion". When you haven't seen someone for a little while and then you do see them it's so much better. "time makes the heart grow fonder" or something like that. i wouldn't worry too much about it. she still loves those kids, but she needs a break to actually be a grandma.
 
you say "thanks for doing all the babysitting you've done up till now. i hugely appreciate it. would you still be up for babysitting them one or two days a week? or could i offer to pay you? you're our very first choice and i'd rather have the money going to you than a daycare. but if not, i totally understand, and we'll find something else."

grandparents who babysit are doing a favor. it's not an obligation. she ought to be able to do the things she wants to do. they're not her kids.
 
I do understand the trials when it comes to earning a part time income and haveing children that need childcare...but what would you do if you had no parents around at all to look after them, like we've never had....you figure it out...you deal with it some other way...so that's what you are going to have to do.
I also suggest that if grandma is saying these things about your children and you admit they are handfulls, that you should seriously reconsider your parenting and rule setting methods.
 
I'm sorry, but you are just going to have to find an alternative to having your mother babysit. I know it sucks and it's inconvenient for you but it's her right to say no. Daycare is not a bad thing, it gives the children a chance to socialize. Look into after school care at your eldest's school. It usually pretty affordable and they get to play with their friends. Your mom's at the age when she doesn't have the energy to keep after young children nor does she have the patience. She did her job as a parent and she has every right to enjoy her elder years. If you abuse the privilege then resentment will grow and it'll be harder to ask for favors when really needed in the future.
Have you considered watching children from your home for extra money. That way you can be with your kids while making money? Also can you get a night job so their father can watch them while you work? Quality time with your husband is much more important, in the long run, than making that little pay check. You should be using your mother for weekends instead so you can have mommy / daddy time.
 
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