H
Hyped Up
Guest
...Much Also ...? I'm Rachael; I live in England, United Kingdom. For a year and a half I have felt worthless, energy-less, self-hating, and I've had thoughts about suicide quite frequently and find myself straying towards that train of thought dangerously sometimes. I do this weird arm clenching thing - I have a theory that it might be because of stress - and people have said it's freaky.
I have mood swings rapidly. They range from practically euphoric, laughter spilling from me, to immense sorrow, self-pitying, and, at it worst, suicidal thoughts and consideration.
I dislike my family immensely. Sure, they put a roof over my head, but they never give me emotional support when it's needed and I feel this is abnormal because everyone else's parents I know do. My parents actively insult me frequently but only my mother hits me. They are divorced and have been for eight years.
I am in love but will never be loved back. I know this surely and I have a factual reason for it - it defies her sexual orientation .. I think, anyway.
I feel that my efforts are not recognised and I am friendless in my everyday life. No matter how hard I try to make friends, people pass me off as 'annoying' or 'too hyper' or even in my darker moods 'stupidly melodramatic' 'emo', et cetera. But also I am very insecure about things I make/write, and if I don't think I'm the best in something I berate myself about it.
I overthink a lot. In general, my mind never shut's the f**k up.
Also, I eat way too much. It's an issue because I comfort eat so much. One night recently I had two cakes, and a loaf of bread, not to mention dinner and supper et cetera. My mother - who I loathe - has also recognised this as an issue.
I loathe my parents because they put so much emotional pressure on me. They're divorced and bitch about eachother so much and expect me to believe it. My mother thinks she can now count on me to lie about school fees (I go to private school because of scholarship) to my own father so he'll pay up quicker! Jesus! She doesn't have shame!
Please don't refer a counsellor ... I've tried and when I do it I just feel really uncomfortable ... their 'calm' and 'soothing' voice just irritates the shit out of me.
I have mood swings rapidly. They range from practically euphoric, laughter spilling from me, to immense sorrow, self-pitying, and, at it worst, suicidal thoughts and consideration.
I dislike my family immensely. Sure, they put a roof over my head, but they never give me emotional support when it's needed and I feel this is abnormal because everyone else's parents I know do. My parents actively insult me frequently but only my mother hits me. They are divorced and have been for eight years.
I am in love but will never be loved back. I know this surely and I have a factual reason for it - it defies her sexual orientation .. I think, anyway.
I feel that my efforts are not recognised and I am friendless in my everyday life. No matter how hard I try to make friends, people pass me off as 'annoying' or 'too hyper' or even in my darker moods 'stupidly melodramatic' 'emo', et cetera. But also I am very insecure about things I make/write, and if I don't think I'm the best in something I berate myself about it.
I overthink a lot. In general, my mind never shut's the f**k up.
Also, I eat way too much. It's an issue because I comfort eat so much. One night recently I had two cakes, and a loaf of bread, not to mention dinner and supper et cetera. My mother - who I loathe - has also recognised this as an issue.
I loathe my parents because they put so much emotional pressure on me. They're divorced and bitch about eachother so much and expect me to believe it. My mother thinks she can now count on me to lie about school fees (I go to private school because of scholarship) to my own father so he'll pay up quicker! Jesus! She doesn't have shame!
Please don't refer a counsellor ... I've tried and when I do it I just feel really uncomfortable ... their 'calm' and 'soothing' voice just irritates the shit out of me.