My life = shithole + completely out of my control

E

ErikaG

New member
Just the past few weeks alone have been hell.

First of all, I got expelled from my high school. That, despite how it sounds, wasn't my fault, since I got expelled for leaving campus and I hadn't left campus at all. That was complete bullshit. All my friends go there, my best friend goes there, and going to school there, seeing them every day, was pretty much the only thing keeping me sane. Now I only see my best friend every other day, instead of 3 hours every day, guaranteed. It's pretty fucking crippling to my emotional health since he keeps my spirits up and lately they've been slipping.

My mom is going completely insane... well, "going" probably isn't the right word. She went completely insane years ago, and now she's just sucking the life out of her family daily. It's so bad at home, I don't even want to type about it, because I've bitched about it so much in blogs and rants to my friends... she is just completely insane, she's always trying to get help in all the wrong places, even when she knows they're wrong. She tried to kill herself last week, by OD'ing on her meds. She tried to take 15 pills and then drive me to school. She and I are both probably only alive right now because I stopped her and made her go back and get in the ambulance which was outside our house (she called them).

Also I'm totally getting all stupid about my best friend, the one who keeps me sane and makes me happy when I'm down... I used to have a huge crush on him, but it went away when we became close friends because he was kind of like a brother to me, like a twin or something who shares all my thoughts. But night before last we slept on his trampoline together and got all cuddly and shit, and it came back for one night. But I still got all jealous when this guy was flirting with him and he was flirting back. It might just have been because I really hate that guy though. I think that's what it was. I didn't mind when he flirted with this guy we both have a crush on who came over to his house yesterday. He's not gay btw, just bi.

Anyways I think the stupid best friend thing is over, as in I totally don't have a crush on him, but like, the other stuff is all shitty, and coming home every day is just torture. To make things worse, every time I go out with my friends, my dad freaks out and calls me like 20 times because he's "such a good parent"

Shit... I just need to get a job and move out, and then things will be better, because I'll live with my bestie and we'll see each other daily, and I won't live with my mom and dad. And after this summer, I'll go back to my old school. It will be good, I hope.
 
You sound waaaaay too dependent on your BFF, hon. You're too young to get this upset because you don't see someone for atleast 3 hours every single day.

What would you have done if you two went to seperate colleges? What would happen when you two are adults and your friend starts seriously dating, than gets married, and perhaps moves out of town?

You sound really depressed and clinginess is a usual suspect for depression. I suggest going to see a psychiatrist and therapist. You need to learn some coping skills and how to re-organize your life now that it appears to be on a different path for now.

Good luck.
 
I agree with Yuck, leaving your home will do no good whatsoever.

About you getting expelled, you can do a couple of things. You can go into school and talk with the principal personally, and try to let him talk to someone that you talked to that day when you supposedly "left campus." If for some reason that doesn't work, you can always take your problem to the Student Council. It sounds stupid, but it really isn't. When they hear about a problem they can actually help you because it is a part of the student body that the school administration is not allowed to ignore and is forced to consider. Win their support, and have them set up a meeting between you, the administrators, and the Student Council, and the problem could be solved.

About your mom ODing, I don't exactly know the whole situation, but if your mom was trying to kill herself by taking too many pills, and yet she called the ambulence, she wasn't really trying to kill herself. Perhaps she was trying to get attention from all the right people, you mostly. Perhaps you could talk to her, and see what is wrong, there must have been something that happened recently, or something that happened long ago that she is starting to think about again for her to start acting mentally ill out of nowhere again. Just a possibility.

Good luck. :thumbsup:
 
That's rough.
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but it may work out if your mom went to your school and made an agreement.
It sounds almost too ridiculous that they would get you expelled without having some solid proof, but it'll happen.
Overall, I think going back to school will help the most and get your life back on a half-decent track. Good luck.
 
the way i see it
getting out of your house is the best idea
but instead of living on your own, see if there's a friend you can live with
thats how i got my foster brother

your mom sounds like she needs help, and is really confused
talking usually makes things worse

your dad seems to be trying to make up for your mom's lack of motherlyness, so give him a break
talk to him about your mom and school
have him talk to the principal and get you back in
and see if he can get some phycological help for your mom, or maybe have her put in rehab for a few months, i know thats harsh, but it usually helps

your friend seems to be your life line
everyone has one of those
someone who you can share all your secrets with, and you know will always be there for you
who will help keep you sane even when the world seems to be just one big pile of shit that just keeps getting bigger
i had a crush on my friend like that, but she has a boyfriend (who just happens to be my brother)
never break contact with that friend
if you two do move to different collages, then continue to talk on-line or one the phone
and if you your feelings for him are coming back
tell him
he may have the same feelings for you

your life (suprisingly enough) sounds like alot of my friends lives
teachers seem to have a troubled teen radar, and they think troubled teens are trouble,
they try to find anyway to get them out of the school to make it a 'better place', when infact they're just ignoring the real problem
trust me, i see it every day
like i said
have your dad talk to the administration, and get you back in school


kk
i think i'm done talking now
 
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