My Friends Say It's Alright

J

jarretsherrard

New member
Tree house filled with youth and fun
Now full with smoke and age
Rots and sways

Swing set rusts and swings in place
Trying to get higher
Once in a while

Built by hanRAB I hate
Not mine
But things can change
 
dammmmmnnn. this is cool.

that second stanza gave me chills.

I do wish that "once in a while" would rhyme with "rots and sways" though. That would help the flow and tie the first two stanzas together. Just an idea.
 
Wonderful imagery. I'd think that if you incorporate betrayed in the second stanza that would keep the rhyme and also tie in the third stanza.

Swing set rusts and swings in place
Trying to get higher
just to get betrayed​

maybe?
 
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