lady victoria, how old is this friend?
there are lots of different reasons why people begin doing this, and while none are healthy, some have potentially worse ends than others.
sometimes people cut themselves as 'copycats,' as in they are already carrying grief with them and after they hear about it, it subconsciously becomes something to try out as an expression of that grief.
other times they have something that they want to 'tease' people with, which is probably a bad word to use, but it's like they WANT to tell people, or want the care and concern of others but don't just want to let it out for consolation. instead, they want to maximize the emotional support they get by cutting.
yet others will do it as a way to test their own pain threshhold; often this helps people decide by what method to kill themselves (as in, "can i handle stabbing myself to death or do i really have to look for a gun or pills"). this kind of self-violence is usually the worst.
surprisingly, even upon talking about the 'secret' with others, it may not help the grief. i would also point out that people who cut because their grief has led to low self-esteem or self-value often have a period of worsening when they start seeing a therapist because they feel inadequate at solving their own problems. there's a real feeling of the release of pressure when a person can solve their own grief issues without outside help. being a good friend, listening, and then doing your best to describe how you perceive the person to feel often shows that they're not "alone" in the world and can stop everything / help / etc.
what can i say, though... telling the secret isn't always the key to alleviating the grief. that's the most important thing. try making her comfortable telling you about how she feels and as much of why she feels that way as possible, by reminding her that she doesn't need to tell you about it unless she's ready or has a disaster, but that you can still understand how she's feeling and try to help her feel better without knowing the mechanics of what sent her into a downward spiral to begin with.
usually when someone's cutting and tells someone else, it's safer than if they don't, but you still need to keep an eye out for suspicious behavior. one of the most obvious is that people will suddenly get very cheery and try to 'make amends' with everyone. this indicates the absolute resolve to kill one's self. not the passionate "omg life sucks i'm gonna kill myself right now" but "i'm ready to go and i'm comfortable with the idea already." that's when you gotta call a service immediately. it's unmistakeable and dire.
~ dan ~
there are lots of different reasons why people begin doing this, and while none are healthy, some have potentially worse ends than others.
sometimes people cut themselves as 'copycats,' as in they are already carrying grief with them and after they hear about it, it subconsciously becomes something to try out as an expression of that grief.
other times they have something that they want to 'tease' people with, which is probably a bad word to use, but it's like they WANT to tell people, or want the care and concern of others but don't just want to let it out for consolation. instead, they want to maximize the emotional support they get by cutting.
yet others will do it as a way to test their own pain threshhold; often this helps people decide by what method to kill themselves (as in, "can i handle stabbing myself to death or do i really have to look for a gun or pills"). this kind of self-violence is usually the worst.
surprisingly, even upon talking about the 'secret' with others, it may not help the grief. i would also point out that people who cut because their grief has led to low self-esteem or self-value often have a period of worsening when they start seeing a therapist because they feel inadequate at solving their own problems. there's a real feeling of the release of pressure when a person can solve their own grief issues without outside help. being a good friend, listening, and then doing your best to describe how you perceive the person to feel often shows that they're not "alone" in the world and can stop everything / help / etc.
what can i say, though... telling the secret isn't always the key to alleviating the grief. that's the most important thing. try making her comfortable telling you about how she feels and as much of why she feels that way as possible, by reminding her that she doesn't need to tell you about it unless she's ready or has a disaster, but that you can still understand how she's feeling and try to help her feel better without knowing the mechanics of what sent her into a downward spiral to begin with.
usually when someone's cutting and tells someone else, it's safer than if they don't, but you still need to keep an eye out for suspicious behavior. one of the most obvious is that people will suddenly get very cheery and try to 'make amends' with everyone. this indicates the absolute resolve to kill one's self. not the passionate "omg life sucks i'm gonna kill myself right now" but "i'm ready to go and i'm comfortable with the idea already." that's when you gotta call a service immediately. it's unmistakeable and dire.
~ dan ~