My Fiance wants to know intimate details about sex with another guy while we were

[Daisy Shaw]

broken up, do I tell him? I've been in a relationship for 6 years with my daughters father, we've lived together for about 5 years... we've had our rough patches, I love him very much but I have been through a lot and put up with what most women wouldn't... about 2 1/2 years ago I caught him cheating... I mean it was bad!! and horrible the way he was doing it, it took me about 5 months to decide whether or not I would take him back, in those 5 months I met some one else, we hooked up and I never really got over my ex, we began to talk again (me and my ex) and we decided to get back together... well he wanted to know if I hooked up with the other guy.. I told him no, I didn’t feel that it was any of his business, and I kept it to myself. Well a few months past and everything was going well, he asked me to marry him!! (a shocker, right?) Well it was to me. So I said yes and I was super duper happy about it, he kept telling me that he was sorry for the past, for lying to me, and said he didn’t want any lies between us anymore, well during the next few days I started to feel overwhelmingly guilty that I never told him me and the other guy hooked up... so I thought well okay I'm going to be marrying this guy, he's the love of my life, father of my child, what if her were to ever find out... maybe it's best I tell him right? Well I sat him down and told him look there’s something I lied to you about in the past and I need to tell you now before we get married, I don’t want to go into our marriage with any lies, its better you know now. I told him that I had sex when we were broken up with someone else, well let me tell you he was livid, and took back the engagement, of course I was kicking myself in the *** because I opened my big mouth, but I thought I was doing the right thing by it. So anyway, another part of me was angry that he took back the engagement because wasn’t he the one that cheated on me in the first place!!! And didn’t I take HIM back after all his mistakes!!! But more importantly we WEREN'T together!! He says he was more upset with the fact I lied more than anything and hurt that I moved on to someone else so quickly… well update, we are back together and we're engaged again, he forgave me, but now he's been asking lots of questions as far as he would like to know what sexual acts were performed and all that, how many times, where? Did I like it? Was it better? Is HE better??? Things like that! I'm so totally uncomfortable with these questions... I made it sound like it was the lamest sex I've ever had, but the truth is it wasn't, he's threatening if I told tell him exactly what happened detail for detail, he can't be with me!! Do you think I owe him an explanation of all the details?? I don't and I feel uncomfortable telling someone I love about this intimate experience, I also brought up the fact that I never asked him detail for detail about the girl he cheated with so y is he!! He says he’ll tell me anything I want to know, but the thing is I don’t want to know!! It's hurtful. I don't want to tell him, because I know he'll be angry and hurt, how can I continue with my relationship... is better to tell him the truth? The truth is my Fiancé was a much better lover but I don't think he'll be happy with some of the things that took place... what do I do?? I feel horrible lying.

 

[Zach]

dont go into too much detail, like ya sure id ask id wanna know but if i actually got the in depth detail i would be pissed and think that you were thinking about him doing that to you the whole time... make sense? i would say a few things and be like ya thats all...things that wouldnt make him too upset

 

[actor22]

This is just one of the many ways that men and women are wired differently. It will hurt, and make him angry, but if you don't tell him now, it will come out later, when you least expect it. If it's out there now, it can't come back and bite you in the @$$ later.
He need the hurt before he can begin to heal.

 

[Manny]

well first of all I think your fiance is extremely immature and childish to want to dwell on what clearly is the past. Personally I dont think I would WANT to be with someone like that. It's obvious that he hasn't learned anything about trust from his experience But I guess that's not the question right? This is how I see lying. -sometimes we lie to protect ourselves and sometimes we lie to protect others. You're not lying about something you are doing right at this moment you're lying about something that happened a long time ago when your fiance had absolutely no claim to you. You did not do anything anyhting wrong. But I gur=ess he's convinced that he's right and youre wrong so I would first tell him that I don not expect or want him to tell me about his shannanigans and then I would lie to him about the details. You are lying to protect him and it's highly unlikely that he will ever find out. Don't feel guilty. Ps. I would seriously reconsider marrying someone who held our relationship to ransom on such a petty thing. You're creating a precedent for future conflicts. Just a thought. good luck to you and you daughter and I hope you do the right thing.