Background info:
- I was obese at the ages of 11 and 12. I was 5'4" and 185 pounds at my heaviest.
- I've been an emotional eater and dieter since I was 9 years old.
For the past two months, i've been on a strict diet and exercise plan:
My diet consists of two and a half grapefruits per day, and three cups of coffee. Sometimes, I'll have a few shrimp or one/two teaspoons of low-fat peanut butter.
I turn everything in my day into a workout, plus I have two hours set aside daily to exercise.
I obsess over every calorie, every fat gram, everything that could make my stomach expand the least little bit. I cry if I cheat on my diet, and my wrists sometimes are forced to cry as well. Of course, the color of the beady tears that my wrist cries are red, and they come from little lines that I draw. Yes, I cut over food. Yes, i'm pathetic.
When I wake up each morning, if my stomach doesn't appear a bit flatter than the previous day, i'll be in breakdown mode for the next two days. After cheating on my diet, I usually stay up all night to exercise it off, so that when I wake up the next morning my stomach looks flatter. My main obsession is my stomach. I hate it; it's where I lose and gain weight most noticeably.
I'm 16 years old, 5'6", exactly 120 pounds when I last weighed myself five days ago. Everyone comments that i've lost weight, my brother tells me to stop trying so hard and to start eating more. My grandma and dad keep warning me to stop obsessing and be healthier. But I know they're lying. When I look in the mirror, I pinch the fat that layers my bones like a disgusting lump of lard. I know that i'm getting slimmer, but everytime I lose a pound that just means that I have more to lose. I know that i'll never like my appearance, no matter how thin I get. I know that i'm not overweight, but I can't help but see a disgusting fat cow standing in front of the mirror. Why can't I be happy over my accomplishments? Why do I have to stand in front of the mirror several times a day and break down over the weight I still have to lose? Why can't I see my accomplishments like everyone else? Why do I have to freak out each time I screw up on my so-called "diet"? Why am I so obsessed over something so shallow?
Anyways, I think you get the picture.
My family insists that I have some type of eating disorder. My brother said he thinks i'm borderline anorexia. Because i'm not underweight, I don't agree with him.
What's your opinion?
(I apologize for making this so long; it's like a bad habit for me to over-explain my questions. You're a saint if you took the time to read it all. If you didn't, I don't blame you.)
What do you mean by "phodos"?
And by "rists" crying, it's just a way of saying I cut myself.
- I was obese at the ages of 11 and 12. I was 5'4" and 185 pounds at my heaviest.
- I've been an emotional eater and dieter since I was 9 years old.
For the past two months, i've been on a strict diet and exercise plan:
My diet consists of two and a half grapefruits per day, and three cups of coffee. Sometimes, I'll have a few shrimp or one/two teaspoons of low-fat peanut butter.
I turn everything in my day into a workout, plus I have two hours set aside daily to exercise.
I obsess over every calorie, every fat gram, everything that could make my stomach expand the least little bit. I cry if I cheat on my diet, and my wrists sometimes are forced to cry as well. Of course, the color of the beady tears that my wrist cries are red, and they come from little lines that I draw. Yes, I cut over food. Yes, i'm pathetic.
When I wake up each morning, if my stomach doesn't appear a bit flatter than the previous day, i'll be in breakdown mode for the next two days. After cheating on my diet, I usually stay up all night to exercise it off, so that when I wake up the next morning my stomach looks flatter. My main obsession is my stomach. I hate it; it's where I lose and gain weight most noticeably.
I'm 16 years old, 5'6", exactly 120 pounds when I last weighed myself five days ago. Everyone comments that i've lost weight, my brother tells me to stop trying so hard and to start eating more. My grandma and dad keep warning me to stop obsessing and be healthier. But I know they're lying. When I look in the mirror, I pinch the fat that layers my bones like a disgusting lump of lard. I know that i'm getting slimmer, but everytime I lose a pound that just means that I have more to lose. I know that i'll never like my appearance, no matter how thin I get. I know that i'm not overweight, but I can't help but see a disgusting fat cow standing in front of the mirror. Why can't I be happy over my accomplishments? Why do I have to stand in front of the mirror several times a day and break down over the weight I still have to lose? Why can't I see my accomplishments like everyone else? Why do I have to freak out each time I screw up on my so-called "diet"? Why am I so obsessed over something so shallow?
Anyways, I think you get the picture.
My family insists that I have some type of eating disorder. My brother said he thinks i'm borderline anorexia. Because i'm not underweight, I don't agree with him.
What's your opinion?
(I apologize for making this so long; it's like a bad habit for me to over-explain my questions. You're a saint if you took the time to read it all. If you didn't, I don't blame you.)
What do you mean by "phodos"?
And by "rists" crying, it's just a way of saying I cut myself.