my "ex" boyfriend is in jail and begging me for cash. What do I do?

[Kaitlin]

the guy I was dating and living with went to jail a week before i was planning ot move out of his and into my own place closer to home and further from him and the airport and the sortof bad neighborhood we lived in. He went to jail because of an altercation involving an aggressive landscaping man and his truck....its a long story and its all really dumb if you ask me. I was there for the whole event that put him in jail too. My problem is this: I was planning on breaking up with him when I moved to my own new place. Then this jail thing happened and I did not get to make a clean break up with him. So I moved to my place and have been writing back and forth with him in addition to paying a visit too every now and then. My biggest problem with him lately is the constant pressure he is using to put on me to put money on his books. Its so pathetic the way he is begging me and using assumptions to insinuate that I have the money to lend but that I am not doing it for one reason or an other. Ok, the guy did not have a job for the nine/ten months we lived together and I supported the both of us with the money I made at my punk-ass waitressing job that did not pay much at all but helped us get by. It got very old and really annoying he would not go out and find work to chip in. I found it very annoying and disrespectful. Now I just got a letter from him whining and complaining that all i've brought him in 5 weeks is $5. When I read that I crumpled the papers up, refusing to read more. I am so mad I almost don't want to visit him anymore...oh he also wrote for me to be on time for our next visit because I was late at the last one. I also did not have change for the meter for the last visit and he was all honked off about that. how could I not have change he asked. Anyways, I am kind of mad he went to jail because I didn't get to break up with him formally. I am so tired of him using me for money too. I make $3.50 an hour waitressing and depend on my hard-earned tips for me to get by on. It isn't much at all and there isn't much to go around either. I can't keep listening to his sob storys. Anyways, what should I do? Dump him? I want to. I am sick of him. Why can't his family help him?

 

[Mz W]

I don't think you should have even bothered visiting him and writing him. It sends the wrong message especially since you'd been wanting to break it off. People need to understand that life isn't full of good news and unfavorable events sometimes happen simultaneously. If you want to be courteous, you can explain to him that you supported the both of you and that you believe you've done enough for him and cannot afford to spare any more money.
It seems to me that he doesn't even deserve an explanation because he's treating you like some kind of dog. You didn't put him in jail, and you don't owe him a thing... not a visit, not money, and not an explanation. You work hard to earn money that is given to you and is rightfully yours. He's being ungrateful and he's not your problem no matter how long you've dated. You shouldn't let him try to make you think otherwise.

Point, blank, period.