i'm a 17 year old teenage girl going through high school. in january i went to seek for help for adhd from our town local doctor, after realizing that if you try so hard not to be lazy with schoolwork (and numerous other stuff) and think about it all the time - there is deffinently something wrong? all my life i have been trying to make my parents proud by getting good grades but it never worked out. i've always felt like I was different from other girls and i wished i was a sweet, innocent, good grade getting girl, but all i did in class was stare at the board or look at other children while they studied. and also, ever since i was a child i've had so much difficulty keeping my mouth shut. i say the most random, funniest, sometimes meanest things ever accidentally. i'm over excitable, overhyper and overall pretty crazy and get embarressed sometimes. may i add i took 33 courses last year and passed 14.. okay i'm not going to list all the symptoms cause trust me i have them all, point is:
i received a letter from a neuropsychiatry two months after trying to get help. i went to the appointment, the doctor asked me questions and then later on sent me another appointment, two months later. well i'm very overemotional generally, as people with ADHD usually are, and i ended up crying at the appointment as i told my symptoms cause they're obviously a rough thing for me. ofcourse she started telling me that im depressed, and depression has the same kindoff symptoms as ADHD so in order to be able to send me to the psychological tests, i had to not be depressed - which may i say is fairly impossible to not be depressed at times since ADHD makes lives so much more difficult. she described me antidepressants and told me to wait another month. well i waited a month, in which i had abused the antidepressants with alcohol and taken valium. the doctor put me through drugtests (normal procedure) and i got caught for benzos. she promised not to tell my parents, because i told her they would literally kill me, but that meant i had to go to drugtests every week. i found "new" friends in the summer, drug abusers but they accepted me so, what the he**. i traveled to my homecountry for a month during the summer, and i wanted to get help for ADHD from there, since i knew that now that i had gotten caught for benzos, its gonna take a while. so i made up an excuse to get my parents to take me to a psychiatry in my homecountry. there i was told that i might have borderline personality disorder and that they dont think i have ADHD at all. during the summer i got caught for hash, pills and cigarrettes by my parents, and also dexomethorphan because my cousin told on me. i was "traumatized" by the way my parents had reacted.. (i know, its no good to do drugs etc.) i called my doctor and told her how shitty i was doing and that i couldn't move from the shock i was in (my parents were being very abusive at that time), and she arranged me to go to a psychiatric hospital.. so i was hospitalized for substance abuse and depression for about a week. before i got out of there, they held a huge meeting about my well-being which i had to attend with some teachers, doctors, family, nurses from the hospitals, socialworkers, my guidance councelor etc. well there they decided to put me into an open rehab, meaning i had to go to therapy every week and give a urine sample, they crossed out the whole ADHD thing and my first doctor said: "I think you have mood instability and depression. I don't think you have ADHD, we have to work on your substance abuse and depression first to diagnose you if you even have it." well, i sucked it up and did as i was told, i took my medication (anxiety meds and antidepressants) and went to therapy. I started feeling alot better about a month ago and felt extremely motivated, yet i still couldnt concentrate more than an hour a day, and even in that hour i was distracted by numerous things. we had another meeting, a smaller one, with my mother and my therapist and doctors, and i mentioned the ADHD thing and they said that they don't believe i had any symptoms during my childhood and that they had to cure my depression first blabla (so no depression for 3months?) the next day i had a meeting with my vice principal and guidance councelor and they basically said that unless i gather it up and work hard for school i'm going to have to change schools.
I decided to take matters into my own hand and FIND OUT whether i have ADHD or not, since even my mother has it and its genetic. me and 4 of my friends snorted 3 lines of pure amphetamine. I felt content, calm and mature. I was able to listen to what my friends were talking about, i no longer had anything random to say or interrupt, i felt "normal" like i always wanted to, i felt so chilled out and quiet. ofcourse my friends became the opposite, super hyper, talkative and they kept moving all the
time. now I finally know I have ADHD. i cried from happiness, knowing this is all not my fault. but umm question is, what do i do now?!
ps. i know substance abuse is more than dangerous so please don't lecture me on that.
pps. incase you didn't know, amphetamines are used to treat ADHD, so thats why i felt so calm.
i know it's long but for some reason i thought if you knew the details you'd understand my situation better.
i received a letter from a neuropsychiatry two months after trying to get help. i went to the appointment, the doctor asked me questions and then later on sent me another appointment, two months later. well i'm very overemotional generally, as people with ADHD usually are, and i ended up crying at the appointment as i told my symptoms cause they're obviously a rough thing for me. ofcourse she started telling me that im depressed, and depression has the same kindoff symptoms as ADHD so in order to be able to send me to the psychological tests, i had to not be depressed - which may i say is fairly impossible to not be depressed at times since ADHD makes lives so much more difficult. she described me antidepressants and told me to wait another month. well i waited a month, in which i had abused the antidepressants with alcohol and taken valium. the doctor put me through drugtests (normal procedure) and i got caught for benzos. she promised not to tell my parents, because i told her they would literally kill me, but that meant i had to go to drugtests every week. i found "new" friends in the summer, drug abusers but they accepted me so, what the he**. i traveled to my homecountry for a month during the summer, and i wanted to get help for ADHD from there, since i knew that now that i had gotten caught for benzos, its gonna take a while. so i made up an excuse to get my parents to take me to a psychiatry in my homecountry. there i was told that i might have borderline personality disorder and that they dont think i have ADHD at all. during the summer i got caught for hash, pills and cigarrettes by my parents, and also dexomethorphan because my cousin told on me. i was "traumatized" by the way my parents had reacted.. (i know, its no good to do drugs etc.) i called my doctor and told her how shitty i was doing and that i couldn't move from the shock i was in (my parents were being very abusive at that time), and she arranged me to go to a psychiatric hospital.. so i was hospitalized for substance abuse and depression for about a week. before i got out of there, they held a huge meeting about my well-being which i had to attend with some teachers, doctors, family, nurses from the hospitals, socialworkers, my guidance councelor etc. well there they decided to put me into an open rehab, meaning i had to go to therapy every week and give a urine sample, they crossed out the whole ADHD thing and my first doctor said: "I think you have mood instability and depression. I don't think you have ADHD, we have to work on your substance abuse and depression first to diagnose you if you even have it." well, i sucked it up and did as i was told, i took my medication (anxiety meds and antidepressants) and went to therapy. I started feeling alot better about a month ago and felt extremely motivated, yet i still couldnt concentrate more than an hour a day, and even in that hour i was distracted by numerous things. we had another meeting, a smaller one, with my mother and my therapist and doctors, and i mentioned the ADHD thing and they said that they don't believe i had any symptoms during my childhood and that they had to cure my depression first blabla (so no depression for 3months?) the next day i had a meeting with my vice principal and guidance councelor and they basically said that unless i gather it up and work hard for school i'm going to have to change schools.
I decided to take matters into my own hand and FIND OUT whether i have ADHD or not, since even my mother has it and its genetic. me and 4 of my friends snorted 3 lines of pure amphetamine. I felt content, calm and mature. I was able to listen to what my friends were talking about, i no longer had anything random to say or interrupt, i felt "normal" like i always wanted to, i felt so chilled out and quiet. ofcourse my friends became the opposite, super hyper, talkative and they kept moving all the
time. now I finally know I have ADHD. i cried from happiness, knowing this is all not my fault. but umm question is, what do i do now?!
ps. i know substance abuse is more than dangerous so please don't lecture me on that.
pps. incase you didn't know, amphetamines are used to treat ADHD, so thats why i felt so calm.
i know it's long but for some reason i thought if you knew the details you'd understand my situation better.