My boyfriend lives an unhealthy lifestyle and has not seen a doctor in years.

[jeangirl]

He doesn't have any health insurance, so he hasn't gotten around to seeing a doctor for a long time.

His diet consists of fast foods, lot's of dairy/cheese, and other fatty foods. He refuses to eat anything that doesn't taste good to him and happens to be a very picky eater, drizzling ketchup or cheese on anything to make it taste better.
He also gets very minimal exercise. Spends almost all of his day at the computer. He's embarrassed to exercise in public, like a lot of people are. He's gaining weight and at this rate he'll only be getting heavier from here.
He also doesn't have any health insurance. Yet, lately he's been noticing things about his body, such as not having as much feeling on the entire left side of his body. His heart will hurt sometimes. He has to take fiber supplements in order to have a bowel movement (which is painful for him).

I talked to him last night about seeing a doctor and turning his life around. I told him that he should be doing something about it rather than people advising him to. I know he doesn't want to be unhealthy, but he's not the most motivated. He also doesn't see a solution to the way he eats. He wants to look for nutritious food he can eat regularly that he can start buying. His parents only cook Filipino food he can't stand and buy freezer food, like burger patties in bulk, so it's all he really has to eat.

He's going to talk to a doctor soon (I hope) to get a general check up, because he's long overdue for one. Do any of you have some advice about his diet or fitness you'd like to give that might actually work for his situation.
Positive words would help. We're looking for alternatives to his high-fat diet and low-fitness lifestyle. Anything you think might help him. Keep in mind he's stubborn about the food he eats, or rather, doesn't eat. He thinks that if he got liposuction, it'd motivate him to change his life around and STAY thin, GET fit. But I think that he should make a change TODAY, instead of waiting for something to happen.

 

[Retiwer]

Well-

First, I hope you'll consider accepting him as he is, whether he changes or not. Making suggestions is one thing, but you need to be prepared for the fact that he may not change on your schedule or at all. I've seen MANY relationships fail because one partner refused to accept the other partner's body shape, health condition or lifestyle. He also is actually more likely to not dig in his heels if you aren't pushing him. If he is the same guy you started dating, then it would be hard for him to accept your rejection of him now. If his lifestyle has gotten way more unhealthy since you started dating, you might be able to turn it around. Maybe figure out what changed that has caused his lifestyle to get unhealthy?

It can actually be really hard to eat healthfully in the United States, as I've recently learned by my continuing transition to healthier foods. One, pre-packaged healthier foods are expensive and the options are very limited. Two, many healthier foods simply have to be prepared at home. If your BF isn't into cooking, that limits his options drastically. Three- a lot of what Americans think is healthy isn't.

You could, if you are seriously wanting him to change his lifestyle, offer to cook meals for him and freeze them - basically a homemade tv dinner. You could also join a gym together and work out together, or start bike riding, hiking, walking etc together. If you're willing to do this with him, you might have better luck motivating him. If he has a guy friend that is particularly active, you could encourage that friendship, as guys can sometimes neglect their friends when they have a GF. If he doesn't like to exercise in public (as you said) you could consider buying a treadmill or a Bowflex or some other piece of home gym equipment for his home. Maybe go halves on it if you plan on working out also?

 

[dancerchickayana]

Thanks so much for your reply because I wasn't sure if anyone would know of any good advice. It's not his body or appearance that bothers me. It's his health. I'm afraid that he's going to or already has some serious health issues. He actually almost wishes I accepted him a bit less so it would push him more to do something about it, which is why I'm trying a little harder now. While we do plan to start a life together, we're still young. We also live about 40 miles from each other and don't much get time together. All of your suggestions about cooking him meals and exercising together are definitely things we've considered for the future. But right now, I can't be there much to help him. I know that in a year or so when we start living together it'll be a lot easier, but until then, I want him to be doing something independently. I can only do so much. Ultimately it's up to him. He's asking for a push, though.
Thanks again.

 

[♥ Emily ♥]

Oh, well- that's different, if he's asking you to give him a push.

What's his basic personality? Is he goal oriented? Could you set a goal and then plan out steps to reach it? Such as him starting to walk 15 minutes a day, working up to an hour?

Does he have room and would he use a piece of home gym equipment? Resistance training can be just as good for his heart as cardio if he circuit trains to keep his heart rate up. If not, there's a ton of exercises one can do at home with no equipment at all, like push ups, lunges, squats, etc.

One thing I do to motivate me is subscribe to a magazine. Right now I'm considering subscribing to "Runners World" because I'm not a runner now but would like to be. So you could maybe get him a subscription to Muscle and Fitness or to Men's Fitness, as an example. Another thing would be to buy him a cookbook for healthy eating that features simple recipes.

Does he like video games? What about Wii Fit and have him do Wii sports?

When you guys see each other, could you maybe focus on activities that are more active?

I think it's great that he wants to change and that he's enlisted your help. That's a good sign for your future since you two are already a team.

Dee