together)? It's been happening for awhile now. He always seems too lazy to go get condoms or something and says he's tired or later. He likes to play video games on the computer, and i do too, but i like to stop and lay with him and build a mood, getting all intimate. I'll take off my shirt and get next to him and lay my head on his shoulder and move my body on him, and like again today he'll just push me away. He says I always do this at the wrong time, but i don't see when is the "right" time. He is always either sleeping, playing games, or watching something.
So my feelings (like always) were hurt again. He was my first and only boyfriend, and we have been together for 2 years already. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I really want to make love with him again but even though he claims it was amazing when we did he seems to be uninterested at all. I just love feeling him around me and (well its hard for me to explain this i'm kind of shy) and i have yet to actually get any enjoyment from it. I don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to go see a movie today and he didn't even wanna do that. He will randomly touch me like playfully i guess, like squeeze my boob or touch my butt or kiss me quickly, but won't let me take it any farther and it's really hurting me. I have this really bad self esteem issue because when i was younger i used to be chubby from the food i ate, and even though i lost the weight, and people tell me i'm pretty or something i still have that bad feeling about myself.
So everytime he denies me it just gets worse and worse. Today i couldn't take it anymore. He saw me get upset and said he'll go get the condoms and we'll go to the movies, and it felt he just said that so i wouldn't be upset and that just made things worse. I'm really tired of feeling bad about myself, he knows i'm shy and about how i feel about myself and for me to open to him like that and be rejected constantly makes me feel like some ugly slut or something. [He was also my first.] I always play with him as (touch him there and make him finish) but it'll willl literally take forever to do anything to me, i have to constantly ask and for once i would just love it if he had offered or did it out of surprise. I love him a lot but it seems like i hurt more than i'm happy, and now he's got a new job so i'll see him less and i'm scared of whats going to happen. We already decided that we would get married and move and have a family and everything, but i feel like i lower myself for his approval and everytime he lets me down it hurts worse. I guess i'm not worth it anymore, eventhough i treat him like a husband by cooking for him and everything. I sometimes wonder if my body was more like the girls that model or in those porn videos then maybe he'd want me more? But he claims that i'm sexy and stuff so i don't really understand. I'm stuck wondering why he doesn't want to be intimate with me? I don't know what changed, he just seems interested in so many things besides me. I'm a really sensitive person and he knows that, so it is hurting me a lot. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated =[ I can't talk to any family or friends because my boyfriend is the only person i trust.
So my feelings (like always) were hurt again. He was my first and only boyfriend, and we have been together for 2 years already. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I really want to make love with him again but even though he claims it was amazing when we did he seems to be uninterested at all. I just love feeling him around me and (well its hard for me to explain this i'm kind of shy) and i have yet to actually get any enjoyment from it. I don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to go see a movie today and he didn't even wanna do that. He will randomly touch me like playfully i guess, like squeeze my boob or touch my butt or kiss me quickly, but won't let me take it any farther and it's really hurting me. I have this really bad self esteem issue because when i was younger i used to be chubby from the food i ate, and even though i lost the weight, and people tell me i'm pretty or something i still have that bad feeling about myself.
So everytime he denies me it just gets worse and worse. Today i couldn't take it anymore. He saw me get upset and said he'll go get the condoms and we'll go to the movies, and it felt he just said that so i wouldn't be upset and that just made things worse. I'm really tired of feeling bad about myself, he knows i'm shy and about how i feel about myself and for me to open to him like that and be rejected constantly makes me feel like some ugly slut or something. [He was also my first.] I always play with him as (touch him there and make him finish) but it'll willl literally take forever to do anything to me, i have to constantly ask and for once i would just love it if he had offered or did it out of surprise. I love him a lot but it seems like i hurt more than i'm happy, and now he's got a new job so i'll see him less and i'm scared of whats going to happen. We already decided that we would get married and move and have a family and everything, but i feel like i lower myself for his approval and everytime he lets me down it hurts worse. I guess i'm not worth it anymore, eventhough i treat him like a husband by cooking for him and everything. I sometimes wonder if my body was more like the girls that model or in those porn videos then maybe he'd want me more? But he claims that i'm sexy and stuff so i don't really understand. I'm stuck wondering why he doesn't want to be intimate with me? I don't know what changed, he just seems interested in so many things besides me. I'm a really sensitive person and he knows that, so it is hurting me a lot. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated =[ I can't talk to any family or friends because my boyfriend is the only person i trust.
