My blk daughter in law hates me and wont let me see my grandkids!?

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Tired of these moos

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Ok, so when she 1st started dating my son i hated her and the whole blk and white stuff. I'm old school. i was somewhat of a jerk and my mother was even worse... when my mother 1st met her she wouldnt even acknowledge her or say hello back. 3 days before she gave birth i called my son and told him that i wanted to be in the kid's life.Well now my Daughter in law is sick of the whole family and wont bring the kids around. I get to see the kids once a year, if i come ALONE!!! The rest of the family has been totally kicked to the curb. They wont come for X-MAS , thanksgiving or ANY OTHER holiday. What should i do?
 
I don't blame her. I would not let you around my kids either. She is in the right. Her life is probably much more peaceful without you and your family in it.
 
This will be hard for you, but this is what you should do . . . apologize, and then let it go.

Go see the kids when you are allowed, do it on their terms. While there, be helpful, cheerful, and positive. Above all, be a WONDERFUL grandma! Towards the end of your visit sit both son and daughter down and say, "I wanted to talk to both of you because I have had such a wonderful time here. I don't want you to answer me right now because I feel like I would be putting you ont he spot, but I just want to ask you to think about it - I would like to come back soon. Like in two or three months. Can you talk about it and let me know if that would be okay?"

I don't blame her (and it sounds like you have realized this as well) for being angry with you. If you are the things I mentioned above, eventually she will turn things around. She should. I am sure it will be hard for her, but she does need to forgive you some time. That being said, YOU aren't the one who should tell her that. :)

Best of luck to all of you.
 
humble yourself and SAY YOU'RE SORRY FOR BEING A JERK! and tell her how much you love your grand kids and how you want them and her to be apart of your family.

this healing will take some time but you did this to yourself!
 
Well, first of all...you can stop being a racist. I wouldnt want you around either, with all your hate. You may be old school, but its not the old days anymore. Grown up before you miss out on something so beautiful.....(Family)
 
well it's your fault for letting it be known that you're racist. if you had a problem with her you should have just kept that inside until you got over it and forced yourself to get along with her. you can't tell your kids who they're going to settle down with. i'm sorry, but i don't know if this is something that can be easily gotten over. you're lucky that she is at least talking to you, let alone the rest of your family. i think you should give her time, maybe she'll come around. maybe it's something you can talk to your son about.
 
Clearly, your daughter in law has been really hurt by your family. It's good that you have made a step to be a part of their life.
Honestly, I don't blame her at all. If I was in her position I would be very angry and hurt. Basically, the message she has been getting is "We don't want you, you're not good enough, but we want your kids."

An apology is definitely in order (I assume you have already apologized?), and is the only way that she is going to consider reuniting with the rest of your family. Anyone who wants to be part of their life should sincerely make a formal apology from, possibly in a letter, and from the heart, tell her that they want to be part of her life.
 
this kinda hits home with me because i am white and i am in a relationship with a black man, my family and his family HATE it...but we have to overlook that, not because we are selfish, but because we are genuinely happy and it is US in the relationship, NOT THEM...

that being said im sure you love your son just the same no matter who hes married...most parents have unconditional love for their children...if he CHOSE a black woman, and thats what makes him happy, then you should respect that...and the rest of your family should as well...you have to trust his judgement...if thats what he knows is best for HIM, then accept it or there will ALWAYS be tension...

i understand that you want to be in your grandkids lives...if you and your family have been rude to her bc of her race then i understand her reasoning for keeping her children at a distance...you may not like HER or the color of HER skin but you and your family being rude to her has caused her to not feel comfortable with you around her children who are also half black....

the only thing you can do is talk to your family, if they still want to make the skin color thing a wall between them that is their choice...you however have to be the bigger person and see the bigger picture....

you need to call her and set up a time for you guys to have lunch or something and talk...if shes a mature adult then she will want to hear what you have to say...i wouldnt recommend doing that though until you fully accept it and are ok with it...and sometimes that takes time...your grandkids need you and im sure she is aware of that...theres nothing like a grandma....ive lost both of mine and i cant imagine not having them in my life when they were living....lifes too short to be upset about petty things like that

i understand certain people have problems with interracial relationships because they were TAUGHT to believe its wrong but point blank theres nothing wrong with it....alot of times its not socially accepted by people who are ignorant, but you are family...you should accept it and be happy for him if they are a happy family....if your son is happy then why does her skin color matter...if shes blue with green polkadots but does right by your son, then be thankful shes not white cheating and taking his money and doing drugs or something

sorry if i sound so harsh but this is a very touchy subject to me...make ammends with your daughter in law...if she doesnt want to hear you out and accept your apology at least you can say you tried

remember...we are ALL the same color when you turn out the lights....good luck and i hope everything works out for you...if you need any more advice from someone dealing with the same thing but from the other end of it feel free to email me... :)
 
well you should have never judged her by the color of her skin!as long as she was good to your son !all i can say is tell her how sorry you are if you really are?but i think you really messed up and i really dont blame her for not wanting you around her kids because your RACEST
 
You and your family did the woman wrong and now you all are paying for it. I also do not approve of blacks and whites dating. You need to write the woman a letter and tell her how sorry you are for what happened. It may not work but it's worth a try. She may not want anything to do with any of the other family and I can understand the reason behind that.
 
wow the story of my life.
i too am black and married to a white man. My inlaws (who are very country) NEVER gave me a chance from day one. They were very very very mean malicous and cruel to me. My husband and i have been married for 4yrs now and have 2 children. For the first 2 years i did EVERYTHING i could to stay away from them
When i was pregnant, they would write letters and mail them to my house with things in it like: Zebras arent allowed in our family... leave our boy alone coco puff... your a nasty n.i.g.g.e.r.. so many hurtful things.
Things have become civil between us now since theyve realized that were married and i'm not going anywhere.
If you REALLY wanted to make things right you could start by aknowledging YOUR wrong doing and ugliness. This is a very hard situation and is something that wont blossom overnight. Still to this day myhusband visits them alone, and myself and the kids show our face every 4-6 months and i sit awkwardly bobbing my head in converstations dying to get out... sometimes when i visit i endure silent treatments and whispering under the breath, and other times they pretend to be nice.
This really is up to you. you could make a start by calling her your daughter in law not your black daughter in law
I for 4 years have taken the blame of "taking their son away from them" when THEY did this, not me!
 
It's your fault..You should've stuck with the old rule "treat people the way you want to be treated" You treated her like crap, well guess what payback truly is a b*#@%! In this case sucks for you, you wont be a part of your grandkids life..

Thats what happens when you are racist and ignorant.!
If you truly wanna fix this problem, apologize for everything you've done!
 
my family are old school to its not aloud u have to be with ur own Colour i would say to u don't bother seeing them if she cant put the past behind ger then she is wrong at least ur making an effort if none off ur family are worried then don't try she will soon need u one day.
 
You made your bed hon.Your either going to have to separate from the rest of your family, or live with the consequences.
 
Well, if you keep referring to her as your blk daughter-in-law you are going to continue to put a wedge between the two of you. I know you want to see your grandchildren but she might be so hurt and guarded by how she has been received and doesn't know what to expect. As a mother I am sure you can understand her wanting to protect her kids.

What have you done to rectify this? Have you apologized to her? Let her know you would like to have a fresh start and work on getting to know her.

It still seems like you have reservations about welcoming her to your family. You pointed out how much worse your mom was. To me this indicates you are trying to down play your own actions.
 
You should apologize, sincerely... I'm a black woman, and yes we can be stiffnecks at times, but the situation you guys put her in made her uncomfortable about you coming around... put yourself in her shoes, what would you wanna hear after being mistreated because of your race? You need to work on your relationship with her, cause whether you like it or not, she's in your life, and you should make the best of it, you never know, she could be the best thing that happened to you, if you open up....My mom's bi-racial and was raised in the south so we understand the whole segregated thing... We live in a society that we aren't bound by our race, sex, or preference... Open up to her, however many years this has been going on, it's going to take half of it just to make up.... Hope this helps...
 
You should apologize, sincerely... I'm a black woman, and yes we can be stiffnecks at times, but the situation you guys put her in made her uncomfortable about you coming around... put yourself in her shoes, what would you wanna hear after being mistreated because of your race? You need to work on your relationship with her, cause whether you like it or not, she's in your life, and you should make the best of it, you never know, she could be the best thing that happened to you, if you open up....My mom's bi-racial and was raised in the south so we understand the whole segregated thing... We live in a society that we aren't bound by our race, sex, or preference... Open up to her, however many years this has been going on, it's going to take half of it just to make up.... Hope this helps...
 
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