First, I know it's a bad idea to ask about your partner's sexual past. And I know people that have slept with lots of partners and I don't think they are bad people. But I have not had that much experience. So if i'm with someone, it would make me more secure to deal with someone on my own level. (Around ten to 15). And normally I would put histories out of my mind but this guy I'm seeing said some things that got me worried.
He says when he was in his early twenties, he was really wild and partied alot. And in terms of women, he didn't date anyone seriously and couldn't see why anyone would want a relationship at such a young age. He said he dated "lots" of different kinds of women.
What went into my mind was that he might have been getting around alot. So I asked if that's what he did. He said no. He said he was just open to meeting new girls but that doesn't mean he was a manwhore. He asked what number would scare me and I said, 40 and up. He seemed shocked and said "I'm nowhere near that. You have nothing to worry about." He said he thought that was a lot and it would bother him too if his partner had that number. So I'm feeling at ease and we talk some more and he asks "But what if that was true? What if I had?" And I thought, "Great, why do you have to put doubt in my head." I told him it wasn't necessarily a dealbreaker, but it takes a lot of confidence to date someone with a bigger past than your own.
But before this conversation, we were talking about what kind of things from our past would frighten the other if we found out. He said if I had to start counting on my toes to get to the number I had been with, he'd be freaked out, because I was in a long relationship starting at age 19. So if I had ten partners in high school and 1st year of college, he considers that to be lots of sex.
So I'm not sure what to think. He says he's not that way, but then has to put doubt in my head by saying "what if i was?" what does it sound like to you? I would ask him again, but if i keep persisting, it'll push him away.
***For those of you that say "leave the past in the past" I don't agree with that. While you don't have to give exact numbers, I would want to know if the person I was with has an absurdly long list. It could be the sign of something else, like sex addiction, major insecurity. I think it's unrealistic not to wonder or talk about it
He says when he was in his early twenties, he was really wild and partied alot. And in terms of women, he didn't date anyone seriously and couldn't see why anyone would want a relationship at such a young age. He said he dated "lots" of different kinds of women.
What went into my mind was that he might have been getting around alot. So I asked if that's what he did. He said no. He said he was just open to meeting new girls but that doesn't mean he was a manwhore. He asked what number would scare me and I said, 40 and up. He seemed shocked and said "I'm nowhere near that. You have nothing to worry about." He said he thought that was a lot and it would bother him too if his partner had that number. So I'm feeling at ease and we talk some more and he asks "But what if that was true? What if I had?" And I thought, "Great, why do you have to put doubt in my head." I told him it wasn't necessarily a dealbreaker, but it takes a lot of confidence to date someone with a bigger past than your own.
But before this conversation, we were talking about what kind of things from our past would frighten the other if we found out. He said if I had to start counting on my toes to get to the number I had been with, he'd be freaked out, because I was in a long relationship starting at age 19. So if I had ten partners in high school and 1st year of college, he considers that to be lots of sex.
So I'm not sure what to think. He says he's not that way, but then has to put doubt in my head by saying "what if i was?" what does it sound like to you? I would ask him again, but if i keep persisting, it'll push him away.
***For those of you that say "leave the past in the past" I don't agree with that. While you don't have to give exact numbers, I would want to know if the person I was with has an absurdly long list. It could be the sign of something else, like sex addiction, major insecurity. I think it's unrealistic not to wonder or talk about it