Misgivings... any advice?

[SilverRain]

My psychiatrist has prescribed me Ecitalopram (Lexapro?) for my Social Anxiety, but I'm really divided on whether or not I should go through with it, or just stick solely with therapy.

Main issues:

1. Control.
One of the biggest reasons I don't take drugs in general or even drink alcohol (asides from the obvious dangers) is because I have this insane need for my thoughts and actions to be completely under my own control. I'm worried that meRAB, even prescribed ones, will take this out of my hanRAB and leave me feeling powerless as a result. I guess what I'm saying is, how much of your mental processes are affected by the meRAB and will it end up feeling like some form of outside mind-control?

2. Identity.
My SA has been with me for so long that it feels like just a normal part of being me and my entire identity (if you can call it that) has developed around it, so it doesn't actually feel like any kind of disorder. With this in mind, how can it be possible to change something so deeply ingrained without damaging my self-image? I'm already struggling with identity issues at the moment and I'm afraid that losing anything familiar (even something I've grown to hate) so abruptly, will leave me feeling as though I barely exist. Has anyone else felt like this, and was it an issue with the meRAB afterall, or am I worrying for no reason? I guess this sort of ties in to point 1 about how much of an effect it has on the "inner you".

3. Side effects.
I've done a little web searching and it seems there are an awful lot of potential side effects attached, some of them which seem a little counterproductive (increased depression and anxiety? I thought that was what it was supposed to cure...). While most of them I think I could deal with, there are several involving things like appetite changes and weight gain that really worry me, and won't make things any easier with my Eating Disorder. I'm more self-aware than most with this, but I'm still worried about what I'll feel forced to do if the side-effects push me too far. Has anyone else had weight or eating related side effects when taking this, and how extreme was it/easy to undo?


Overall, do you think it'd be wiser for me to go without taking anything? What about feelings - I don't have actual depression currently (this was prescribed primarily for anxiety) but I do have several emotional issues so, would going without run the risk of allowing something like depression to develop later? Should I "nip it in the bud" while I can, or is it not worth the risk? I'm a little stuck and unsure of the right move to make. Knowing me I'll do something with intention on improvement and end up making things worse...
Any advice?

 

[Misssty]

Put it this way...I see that you have only posted one post...but you searched out somewhere to talk about your issue..went thru the process of registering to enter this room...then...listed out some very indepth feelings/concerns.
I took Lexapro for anxiety/impulsivity/social anxiety/thinking obsessiveness.
The LEXEPRO helped me with all of those things...I could not believe the CONFIDENCE and well being feelings I had when I was taking Lexepro. So, why did I stop...?
The side effects for me....I can not TOLERATE the smallest side effect....so, I told my prescribing Dr. about this annoying "little" headache I would get about an hour after taking the Lexapro..and she told me it would stop in approx 2 weeks...so I LOVED the effects so much from the pill (it was helping me to be more confident in work at staff meetings)...it really was amazing. I was even telling certain people about this drug...and I was very happy to have found "the solution". The only problem for me was that the headaches and the dry mouth were TOO annoying to me....and they lasted more than 2 weeks...so I stopped taking it....I was thinking...OK, now I know I CAN be confident..I will just keep being CONFIDENT WITHOUT taking Lexapro...it DIDNT work. So, I started them a 2nd time...the 2nd time into taking them...within a few weeks my slight headache I was getting from them...would go away after a while...but I became easily agitated...i didn't realize it was the Lexapro for a while....I suddenly started becoming "rageful"...crawling out of my skin, miserable....I was trying to figure out why I felt that way...and I looked up Lexapro and I think it said it was a side effect....So, I immediately STOPPED taking the pill. But, I thought it was weird...that it happened the 2nd time...I talked to my Dr. and she said at different times...the pills (any pill) can affect a person differently. I still have them...and because I liked them so much the first tiime..I have been thinking of trying them again. But, like you....I don't want to make things worse. And I hate starting things and not finishing...My emotional state has been very unstable...and it is either...do nothing, take the Lexapro or go back to the Dr. and try something else. I would try them if I were you...you may have no symptoms and you may like them...and you can always stop taking them...i thought I would share my experience. I was told by my Dr...that all pills have side effects and we have to decide what is worse...the problem we have without taking the pills or the side effects.