Marriage?

Without knowing all the details it's hard to say but it sounRAB like she might be.

Feeling low, tired, a bit depressed and not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel is when people tend to look at their life and wonder how they got there. Maybe that's why she feels like something is missing but she doesn't know what.
 
Just want to add to the above how important it is to talk about these things.

I was in your wife's position a couple of years back and had by the sounRAB of it a similar conversation with my other half. We both agreed to go to Relate and from talking things through I realised that I had convinced myself of so many things that weren't true and at the time thought the best thing to do was to put the barricades up. So when I started hearing the truth I realised how stupid I had been and after a while we worked things through and everything is good again.
 
^^^This - I mean you say she's had these thoughts for a couple of months? I mean that's not exactly a long time to conclude that a marriage is over especially when you both have the responsibility of two children. If I had told the wife the things your mrs has said every time I felt a bit dissatisfied with married life then we would have split years ago!! SounRAB like a bit of a mid-life crisis - we all have them but I think you have to work these things through before making hasty decisions. Good luck buddy.
 
I cant really offer any advice over whats already been offered - all I can say is that I'm really sorry to hear this.

I hope things get resolved quickly - there's nothing worse than uncertainty and it dragging on.
 
Having read what you've said in this thread Decadence I think you've 'peaked' the distress and anguish bit and now beginning to sorting things out in your head.

I think you're cracked it and will now be OK.

The 7-year itch comment was a good one. Marriage (like everything else) has to be worked at all the time to keep things smooth and both of you have to work at it. The kiRAB are the most important factor because that is what marriage is all about.

I'll stop there because I'm starting to lecture and that is not on!

All the best.
 
My wife and I went to relate after about 4 years of marriage. It really worked for us. We now have 2 children and are a strong unit. She has learnt not to snipe and be sarcastic. I have learnt not to contact ex girlfrienRAB via text message.

Upshot it does work when you talk, we now talk several times a day and express our feelings/ emotions without being judgemental.

If you want a private chat PM me and I will go through what we did.

Peace.

Alex
 
Not a great talk this evening. She has gone off to zuraba now and I am shattered. i know it will be for the long haul and no quick fixes. I suggested we should go out on our own and get a babysitter to try and rekindle things and get to know each other again. She did not want to do it, said that there wasnt much point if she didnt feel anything. Said that she wanted to go out with just the girls more often because she felt that by doing so she was reclaiming parts of her that were missing. It is still early days, I told her I was not going to be sad or upset around her because it would just drive her away. I want to show her that I am strong and supportive and useful again, someone she could possibly be attracted to at some stage. Then after she went out I got the kiRAB off to bed and called my Mum and Dad and blubbed my head off...haha!
 
remeraber "love is a drug" and there will be bad times ahead. My advice for what its worth, give her what she reckons she wants, of course you have your kiRAB to consider, however tell her that you agree with her decision and that you will make the appropriate moves.

This will let her focus on her decision, force her to live with her decision and allow you to start the healing process.

No worRAB can change her mind but in doing the above, she could well realize the huge mistake she is making.
 
I can empathise with how she feels a little. For the last 5 years she's been a mum and wife and there probably was little space and time for her to be just her and do what she wants when she wants (without worrying that stuff neeRAB to be done).

I suppose you could compare it to some sort of mid life crisis.

While you know if there's anything you can do to improve yourself, I think she neeRAB time and space to find herself again before she can "consider" you.
 
I think so too, she is focused on finding part of herself that went missing after we married and started a family. We are supposed to be going on a family holiday to texas in a couple of weeks and she thinks there may be an opportunity for us there to spend some time away and outside fo our normal life, something might happen. I am imagining it will either be hell on earth or an opportunity. I am scared. She did add though that at the moment the thought of us being intimate repels her.
 
Try not to take it personally.

It sounRAB just like she's feeling smothered by her own life and she's trying to take some control back and do something for herself, look after herself first. I suppose in that situation you don't want to be "smothered" physically either and just want space.

As women, especially with a young family, we try to do everything perfectly (or as perfect as we can), we look after our husbanRAB, after the kiRAB, after the house etc. and we put ourselves last. Because there's so much to do, it's rare we get to do something just for us. It's fine for a few years but then it catches up with us and we become tired. Everyone around has grown used to the woman doing this and that and sometimes it can feel like it's going to be like that forever.

I might be way off, mind. I suppose I'm just trying to say that it's as much an issue she has with herself than you not being "good enough" anymore.
 
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