love poem... i hate poetry sometimes... but this is just how i feel...do you understand?

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audreylowell

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I watched a home video today,
the girl in it was five,
she twirled uncontrollably and was sweet to her baby sister,
she wore 90's clothing and answered all of the camera man's questions,
she had short curly hair,
she wasn't happy for lack of sadness,
she was happy for lack of intelect.

I grew up and I don't remember what I thought back then,
that girl in the video was me but not as I am now,
I am depressed,
profoundly,
and lonely within myself,
I am lonely not for lack of love,
but lack of permeation.
i just scribbled out this poem now because i really did watch a home video today of myself and my family and it kind of made me sick

i didn't know that time was such a transformative power... I just know that the video girl and myself are not the same human

also i chose permeation because no matter what love people show me, i cannot accept it into myself... it doesn't warm me, it just kind of rolls off of me

so thats why i used permeation
 
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