long read.. but please help..?

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i just turned legal age and my (girlfriend) is about two years younger weve known each other for a long long time. weve had a thing a couple times through our younger years but nothing ever happened. i have always felt that i have liked her but my friend liked her so i gave him the go ahead, they were together for a long time. they broke up and she started talking to me more, we started hanging out more and there wasn't any hiding that we liked each other. she pressured me in to jumping into a relationship early into us being together, i wanted to wait mainly for the reason she just got out of a relationship with one of my best friends, and i had just got out of a long term relationship as well. but at the same time i didn't want to wait because i liked her, a lot. an i felt it was a long time coming, so why wait right? Things were perfect for the first bit i wouldn't have changed a thing. we both have come up from improper families and me personally knowing this i want to give my child the best i can possibly give. at this point in my life i dont feel i can be that, i feel far from it, i have severe depression people that have this or even mild depression, its easy to understand how hard it is to live each day..everyday without wondering why.. me and her talked about pregnancy and what we would do if it happened i always told her i would want her to have an abortion and the only time i wouldnt is if we were ready and i was far from it. i have never really thought about having a kid at this point in my life because i just would not be ready no matter what i did i know i wouldn't be so i guess i just avoided the whole topic. we didn't use condoms all the time because she was on bc so we didn't worry about it so much, but another reason we didnt is because she was unsure if she was fertile because she had a hereditary symptom that can cause this but it went away without any treatment. my friend, her ex died not too long after we started dating, and it was rough for both of us because we knew him so well. too soon after she was feeling pregnant and turns out she was about 4 weeks at the time. i didnt know what to do or say i was already so messed up about everything going on, i just gave up on it all i broke up with her and told her i couldn't do it, i just locked myself in my room and did nothing for days. i was completely un-supportive.. we started fighting and fighting alot, they were brutal.. we stopped talking, and i just needed someone to talk to.. my ex contacted me about my friend passing and we started talking again which it had been months since we had talked and its hard not to talk to her about things bothering me because we were together for so long its hard not to you know? she had heard about the pregnancy but i just avoided telling her about it and stuff though, i didnt want anybody to know. we decided to hangout and things were alright we just talked for the most part.. one thing lead to another, and we slept together.. i wasnt thinking straight, obviously i wasnt thinking at all. i told her it didnt feel right and now i dont feel right and i dont know what to do and she told me i only know whats right for me and she will have my back for whatever that choice is. i know what my choice is now i wish it would have been clear to me sooner. i dont know whether i should just forget it happened or tell my (girlfriend) because its the right thing to do? but at the same time i dont because i think it will destroy her.. it wasnt technically cheating but it was still such a dick move..
my (girlfriend) and i started talking again she told me that she is getting an abortion not because she wants to but because its what everyone else wants, even the own father and that she didnt want to, that its her dream, she felt like she needed to do it but she cant do it alone so she was going to go through with the abortion. i didnt say much because as much as it hurts me to know she is hurting i felt it was the right choice, maybe not for her but for me. shes told me deep down she believes i would stay if she went through with the pregnancy. the night before the abortion appointment i told her how i really feel about everything and the reason i was acting the way i was.. i was just stressed and scared. and that its her decision so she can go or not go and basically she said why did i have to wait till then to tell her this..an i didnt have an answer. i want to make things right but i feel like it could be too late now.. all ive done lately is make mistakes, mistakes i cant take back and never will be able to take back and i know i wont ever feel right if i dont make things right or try to.
i just dont know anything right now.. what i can do, what i should do, shouldnt do.. just clueless right now
negative or positive feedback is welcome i realize i have fucked up.. but i guess i just wanna know how bad i have and/or what i can do to help make things better