I am debating on whether or not I should end things with my boyfriend. He and I have been dating for a year, and honestly, I really do love him. But from the very beginning, things have started off on the wrong foot for us and they have only gotten worse as time has gone on.
I suffer from Major Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Bi-Polar Disorder. I am a "cutter" and I have had a few suicide attempts in the past. This is a day to day struggle of mine. I have had a very rough childhood, and now as a 22 year old adult, things seem to just be getting even harder.
From day one, my boyfriend knew about all of my "mental health" issues. He claimed that he could deal with them and that he wanted to "be there" for me and help me "get better." But over the course of the past year, he has honestly only made things worse.
He is an alcoholic. He comes from a very different "family-type" then I do. His family grew up doing drugs and dropping out of high school. While, even though my mom died when I was 14....I still tried to progress positively and maintain the proper course that she would have wanted for my life.
But he flat out told me when I met him that he, along with all 6 of his brothers have never finished high school. And they all have done drugs at some point in their lives. And of course I thought to myself...Is this really the kind of person I want to be dating? But I tried not to judge him and accepted him past for what it was and hoped that he would be willing to make a new life with me.
Well, now...a year later. He and I really are in love. I swear it. But the problem is that I am still so depressed. And I'm sitting back thinking...ok...now what? Neither of us have jobs. (He worked at a fast food restaurant for 9 months...just recently quit) And I cannot find a job to save my life.
So our life together is very boring. And it takes a toll on me a lot quicker then it does him. My mind doesn't work the same way his does...so when I have to sit at home and cry about the fact that I am a loser and I have a loser boyfriend and all we do is sit around and waste our lives...it doesn't take me very long to come to the conclusion that I am a piece of sh!t and I should just kill myself.
But I never do it. I usually just force myself to go to sleep for a day or two. And then wake up and repeat the process all over again.
So I guess my question is...
What should I do?
I don't want to get rid of the boyfriend...I really do love him.
But I feel like he's taking me no where in life.
Then again...I'm taking myself no where.
HELP.
I suffer from Major Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Bi-Polar Disorder. I am a "cutter" and I have had a few suicide attempts in the past. This is a day to day struggle of mine. I have had a very rough childhood, and now as a 22 year old adult, things seem to just be getting even harder.
From day one, my boyfriend knew about all of my "mental health" issues. He claimed that he could deal with them and that he wanted to "be there" for me and help me "get better." But over the course of the past year, he has honestly only made things worse.
He is an alcoholic. He comes from a very different "family-type" then I do. His family grew up doing drugs and dropping out of high school. While, even though my mom died when I was 14....I still tried to progress positively and maintain the proper course that she would have wanted for my life.
But he flat out told me when I met him that he, along with all 6 of his brothers have never finished high school. And they all have done drugs at some point in their lives. And of course I thought to myself...Is this really the kind of person I want to be dating? But I tried not to judge him and accepted him past for what it was and hoped that he would be willing to make a new life with me.
Well, now...a year later. He and I really are in love. I swear it. But the problem is that I am still so depressed. And I'm sitting back thinking...ok...now what? Neither of us have jobs. (He worked at a fast food restaurant for 9 months...just recently quit) And I cannot find a job to save my life.
So our life together is very boring. And it takes a toll on me a lot quicker then it does him. My mind doesn't work the same way his does...so when I have to sit at home and cry about the fact that I am a loser and I have a loser boyfriend and all we do is sit around and waste our lives...it doesn't take me very long to come to the conclusion that I am a piece of sh!t and I should just kill myself.
But I never do it. I usually just force myself to go to sleep for a day or two. And then wake up and repeat the process all over again.
So I guess my question is...
What should I do?
I don't want to get rid of the boyfriend...I really do love him.
But I feel like he's taking me no where in life.
Then again...I'm taking myself no where.
HELP.