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wowowubbzy1o1
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I need a good one for my myspace profile
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Funny quotes
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
I plan on living forever...so far so good. Unknown
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Mark Twain
It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best. W. Edwards Deming
Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours. T. Boone Pickens
"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Albert Einstein
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." - Buddy Hackett
"I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there." - Joel Hodgson
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." Douglas Adams.
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw
If you want loyalty - get a dog. If you want loyalty and attention - get a smart dog.” Grant Fairley
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." J.P. Getty.
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. Steve Wozniak
I am kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. J. D. Salinger
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do? Ronnie Shakes
If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer. Jim Carrey, Pet Detective
“I am a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see.” Dr. Seuss
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans…Ronald Reagan
I feel my best when I'm happy. Winona Ryder
Procrastinate Now
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carson
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle
Without geography, you're nowhere. ~Author Unknown
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. East
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. ~Sir Winston Churchill
Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. ~Author Unknown
Churchill undoubtedly came out with some of the best quotes of all time:
'Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.'
'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.'
'I am fond pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.'
'I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.'
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bi
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
I plan on living forever...so far so good. Unknown
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Mark Twain
It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best. W. Edwards Deming
Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours. T. Boone Pickens
"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Albert Einstein
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." - Buddy Hackett
"I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there." - Joel Hodgson
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." Douglas Adams.
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw
If you want loyalty - get a dog. If you want loyalty and attention - get a smart dog.” Grant Fairley
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." J.P. Getty.
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. Steve Wozniak
I am kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. J. D. Salinger
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do? Ronnie Shakes
If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer. Jim Carrey, Pet Detective
“I am a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see.” Dr. Seuss
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans…Ronald Reagan
I feel my best when I'm happy. Winona Ryder
Procrastinate Now
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carson
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle
Without geography, you're nowhere. ~Author Unknown
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. East
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. ~Sir Winston Churchill
Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. ~Author Unknown
Churchill undoubtedly came out with some of the best quotes of all time:
'Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.'
'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.'
'I am fond pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.'
'I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.'
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bi