lifelong major depressive disorder

[Never Lose Hope]

lifelong major depression, PTSD, self-injurer (not now) suicidel up until 3 years ago, brain fog forever, thought I was stupid, stress causing anxiety, many hospitalizations. wrong thinking, anger (not now) comfort eating at night, weight loss and weight gain. More confusion, more memory problems.

I'm 67 now. I was hoping I would be well by now. But due to several stressful situations over the past two years, I am worse than before. My brain said I've had enough! So it went on vacation and left me home. Not fair!
I sensed about 6 months ago that I was changing. I knew it was psychological but doctors tested me with one cat scan, two MRI's, carotid artery check, bloodwork and more bloodwork. My psychiatrist thought maybe I had a small stoke. One MRI showed a small lesion but about 5 yrs ago.

I'm experiencing gradual down slide of mental fatigue, brain fog, depression, of course. Some days I don't get too far from my couch. I feel very heavy. I tire easily.

I thought I was giving up, and I knew I was changing, mentally I purposed to stay away from stressful people. I don't drive any more, I stay home and work in my garden. Which is a life saver. So is my dog.

My psych has changed my meds recently. It felt like mental burnout. Just plain tired of everything. I am not suicidal.

I am wondering if I'm going to get better this time. Due to gradually getting worse, I'm inclined to think not.
I think it's interesting that I have no memory problem with scriptures I've memorized over the years. I can still memorize and remember. That's the one thing that keeps me grounded. I know all is not lost.

 

[Yates]

I had persistent severe depression for years, and am just recently within months starting to recover from it.

I can tell you that it's well-established that severe depression makes countless persons feel physically ill even if testing doesn't reveal anything. And the perceptions of pain and vague malaise and fatigue are real, not imagined. But treating the depression in many cases helps to reverse this if there is not underlying pathology.

I understand now that a major reason why I didn't get better sooner is because I was holding on to popular misconceptions about how to recover from depression. Whether it's their intention or not, mental health professionals often leave patients with the belief that depression is simply a chemical disorder that can be treated with drugs and with help from supportive therapy.

The problem is, the pharmaceutical companies manufacturing these SSRI's were only publishing the results of trials that received positive results. Some of these companies were recently pressured into releasing the results from the negative trials. After these results were released for drugs like Paxil and Lexapro, multiple review teams from research institutions concluded that there are as many negative trials for SSRI's as positive ones, and in many cases the negative trials were even better designed. Their conclusions were that these popular antidepressant drugs are not superior to placebo. There may be a marginal benefit for the most severely depressed, but even that is not certain. I am not exaggerating their findings. What I'm saying is the truth. Not only that, even when these drugs do not work, symptoms of withdrawal can include depression, leading the patient and doctor into a false conclusion that the drug must have been helping.

Within the last three years, three studies were published on electroconvulsive therapy establishing that it leads to permanent, global cognitive dysfunction, i.e. brain damage. So, I don't consider that an option for myself if I happen to relapse in the future, either.

Changing the topic, what I understand now for myself, despite all my past bad experiences in life, is that making sure you are living a healthy lifestyle each day is a prerequisite to getting better. Even if you don't feel like going out and doing things and having a daily routine, I now understand that I have to do this anyway or I'll just sabotage any chance I have of getting better. I mean, a person can either feel like poop lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, or he can feel like poo going out and doing things and not really enjoying himself.

The best advice I can give you is to figure out what a healthy daily routine is for you, and be sure to do it every day, because if you don't, it may just very well thwart whatever other measures you are taking to combat your depression. There's the obvious things that apply to everyone: like going to bed early and getting up at the same time every day, eating healthy, getting some exercise and sunlight every day, socializing, and just generally trying to interact and experience the world around you. You have to do it even if you don't feel like doing it. You need to plan things, go out with people, make friends, and find lots of stimulating things for your mind, along with variety and new experiences. Waiting for yourself to feel better before you go out into the world doesn't work. Because, making the mistake of giving up or pulling away from your "life" just feeds your depression and keeps millions of people from getting better. So, part of it is self discipline, even in the face of trauma or whatever else is plaguing you on a daily basis. The world has to be used as part of your therapy.

 

[Daniel]

Thank you for replying. Most everything I've read on this site is interesting and helpful. Esp. concerning diet and food alergies. I will be doing more research on this and consulting my psychiatrist and doctor.
I was in therapy 25 years. And for the last 5 years I've been in a monitored program. Due to the child abuse I was subject to my mind was very damaged. I had a lot of sludge to work out, with reams of wrong, bad and twisted thinking. In other words I was not socially acceptable nor did I feel accepted by others.

I remember and use many coping skills. There are some I haven't added to my helpers list yet. I've tried numerous and different types of anti-depressants. Some worked well for months or years. Some of these worked well untill I was subjected to stressful situations. I cannot handle any kind of stress. I've not been able to work due to the stress factor.

As in this last episode I may become very ill.
Plus, this time around, other than depression, there are some new factors involved. I felt myself "break" from my normal routine. I knew I was "changing" but I didn't know the course I was taking. I gradually became more and more depressed until I just shut down. I never experienced mental fatigue. Lots of things can come from this. I'm still finding new symptoms.

I see from this site I have so much to learn about getting better. Diet, vitamins and minerals and things I should not be ingesting.

 

[screwdup]

Hi

I am probably telling you somthing you already know, but sometimes depression needs a combination of antidepressants that influnce multiple neurotransmitters

Common examples are Wellbutrin plus an SSRI, Effexor plus Remeron, Nortriptyline plus an SSRI. Also, adding drugs that arnt actualy antidepressants can also help - common examples are Valporate, carbamazepine (both anti epileptic drugs) thyroid hormone, Xanax, a tranquiliser, and some of the "atypical antipsychotics"

I know it sounds awful, but electroplexy (shock treatment/ECT) can sometimes work miracles, bringing patients out of the deepest depressions that have resisted every other treatment.

Best wishes

 

[wilsonsdad2003]

LicentiousOne:
I want to add that I do have a wonderful daily routine that gets me outside. I have a small patio here and I have it full of plants and flowers. People keep telling me I don't have any more room. But, I can always find a place for a new plant.

I call my patio my saving grace. When I'm feeling the worst, I just go into my garden and it makes me feel better.