lonsomegeorge
New member
I hate December. It seems that every year, something happens that renders me finincally incapable of surviving the end of the year. Being broke a few days after I get paid seems typical in December, and it sucks more because this year I cannot blame myself or my bad habits for it.
A few months ago, I came across some back problems. After many weeks and many different doctors, it was determined by a radiologist and a doctor that when I was growing up I developed something called Scherman's Disease. It isn't really a disease, but a malfunction when the spine develops. CAT scans, X-rays, emergency room visits when it was too painfull to even lay still, ect...
I'm faced now with over $500 in medical debt, which I cannot afford to let slip since I've recently done VERY well establishing good credit. I can forsee that being paid off on the 20th, just before the last weekend to do any Christmas shopping (which is another huge finincial stress for me, as my family is materialistic and rich, but not generous). So my last paycheck of the month, which totalls maybe $1100 will be half spent trying desperately to keep medical bills from going into collections. The rest will go to putting food in my house so me and my kitties can eat...
On top of that I have to pay $675 for rent in January, and my car payment too. So my January paycheck is gone before I even get to buy groceries. At the current time, I've been plagued with massive health issues not relating to my back. I've had so many respitory colds/bugs/infections this year that the company that owns my apartment complex is sending out mold inspectors to see if there's toxic mold in my basement apartment. Recently (and still currently) I've been sick as a dog, and have missed 3 days of work. Those three days will leave a major dent in the $1100 I could normally expect from a two week pay period. Go to a doctor, right?
Wrong! No money for gas in my car, no money for my co-pay, and no money to fill any perscription they'd give me. I cannot borrow money from my parents to do any of this. As I said earlier, they have money, but compassion is a trait that eludes them. Another issue about doctors for me is my meds. I take anti-depressants and without them, it's really hard for me to maintain a normal functioning work day. I've been without them for over a month now, and the strain on my working and personal relationships is devastating. It makes sick feel sicker, and sad feel bitter and angry. My father believes that depression is a made-up illness, and that I'm making it all up to get sympathy.
My husband is a lovely human being, and knows that without meds I require a LOT of encouragement. He's agreed to help pay for my meds, which I was able to just call and ask for a scrip, which will help alleviate some of the unecessary stress I'm dealing with at the moment. The stress of showing up to my family's Christmas empty handed is really scary, though. These people are picky, hard to please, and not very understanding.
I'm a wreck. I've cried every night since last Saturday because I've been sick, tired, depressed, broke, hungry, and angry at myself, even though this year I can't really blame ME. I've written a letter to my family outlining my difficulties this year to help alleviate the embarassment of showing up with nothing for Christmas, and I know a few of them will be very understanding, but I'm scared of even showing up because of the state I'm in, and too scared to give it to my own mother. She's one of those people who is sympathetic after the fact, but critical and demeaning during my lows...
I know some of you are also going through rough times, and I am by no means trying to "steal" sympathy from any of you. I've just got to get this out before I start crying at work, while I'm sitting at my desk hungry during lunch break for the 3rd day this week.
If you read it, thanks. It needs no response.
UPDATE: The doctors office fucked me... never called in my scrip. How on earth can somebody do that to a person who is nearly manic on the phone? How do you go to sleep at night knowing you dangled the hopes of a better day tomorrow in front of somebody, only to yank it away? I couldn't even make it out of the drugstore before I fucking lost it last night. I think I dented my new car too... fucking doctors.
A few months ago, I came across some back problems. After many weeks and many different doctors, it was determined by a radiologist and a doctor that when I was growing up I developed something called Scherman's Disease. It isn't really a disease, but a malfunction when the spine develops. CAT scans, X-rays, emergency room visits when it was too painfull to even lay still, ect...
I'm faced now with over $500 in medical debt, which I cannot afford to let slip since I've recently done VERY well establishing good credit. I can forsee that being paid off on the 20th, just before the last weekend to do any Christmas shopping (which is another huge finincial stress for me, as my family is materialistic and rich, but not generous). So my last paycheck of the month, which totalls maybe $1100 will be half spent trying desperately to keep medical bills from going into collections. The rest will go to putting food in my house so me and my kitties can eat...
On top of that I have to pay $675 for rent in January, and my car payment too. So my January paycheck is gone before I even get to buy groceries. At the current time, I've been plagued with massive health issues not relating to my back. I've had so many respitory colds/bugs/infections this year that the company that owns my apartment complex is sending out mold inspectors to see if there's toxic mold in my basement apartment. Recently (and still currently) I've been sick as a dog, and have missed 3 days of work. Those three days will leave a major dent in the $1100 I could normally expect from a two week pay period. Go to a doctor, right?
Wrong! No money for gas in my car, no money for my co-pay, and no money to fill any perscription they'd give me. I cannot borrow money from my parents to do any of this. As I said earlier, they have money, but compassion is a trait that eludes them. Another issue about doctors for me is my meds. I take anti-depressants and without them, it's really hard for me to maintain a normal functioning work day. I've been without them for over a month now, and the strain on my working and personal relationships is devastating. It makes sick feel sicker, and sad feel bitter and angry. My father believes that depression is a made-up illness, and that I'm making it all up to get sympathy.
My husband is a lovely human being, and knows that without meds I require a LOT of encouragement. He's agreed to help pay for my meds, which I was able to just call and ask for a scrip, which will help alleviate some of the unecessary stress I'm dealing with at the moment. The stress of showing up to my family's Christmas empty handed is really scary, though. These people are picky, hard to please, and not very understanding.
I'm a wreck. I've cried every night since last Saturday because I've been sick, tired, depressed, broke, hungry, and angry at myself, even though this year I can't really blame ME. I've written a letter to my family outlining my difficulties this year to help alleviate the embarassment of showing up with nothing for Christmas, and I know a few of them will be very understanding, but I'm scared of even showing up because of the state I'm in, and too scared to give it to my own mother. She's one of those people who is sympathetic after the fact, but critical and demeaning during my lows...
I know some of you are also going through rough times, and I am by no means trying to "steal" sympathy from any of you. I've just got to get this out before I start crying at work, while I'm sitting at my desk hungry during lunch break for the 3rd day this week.
If you read it, thanks. It needs no response.
UPDATE: The doctors office fucked me... never called in my scrip. How on earth can somebody do that to a person who is nearly manic on the phone? How do you go to sleep at night knowing you dangled the hopes of a better day tomorrow in front of somebody, only to yank it away? I couldn't even make it out of the drugstore before I fucking lost it last night. I think I dented my new car too... fucking doctors.
