life after back problems-

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mel1977

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So of course, now after my lurabar fusion (L4-S1), having some small herniations in my neck, and chronic pain/fatigue-I question my life further down the road. I am not the woman I was for example, before I met my husband. I am much less active especially since the lurabar fusion. We are having some major discussions now about having a family. I don't want kiRAB now especially since my surgery. Before it was just a matter of mentally not being ready, now I don't think I could be physically ready.
We went to Orlando last year and I pooped out every day by about 6. In bed watching tv by 8. At the parks, I did well for a few hours and then it hit me and I could barely walk back to the car. After a few hours of rest, I am okay-but I couldn't even imagine having a kid along. I can barely keep up with me! Plus, I have plantar faciitis as well, so thinking about carrying a child freaks me out! I can't go a day without my Ultram.
there are other deeper issues as well, but my marriage can be changed based on this. Then I fear being alone again-I feel broken and battered and no one would want me. Of course, I am pretty active-suprisingly enough! I can dance the night away-I can shop for hours, but when I stop moving or things slow down, I drain away.
So anyway-I have not talked to a doc about the baby thing-only bc I wouldn't want them anyway for another four years (gotta get my BSN), and I want to work more. But, I age more and more every day-I feel old and I am 30!
I'd love feedback from folks who have had kiRAB with fusions, pain and current issues (like my neck and possible need for more lurabar surgery down the road)
Thanks!
surgery was in 2004
 
Hi Mel. SounRAB like not only are you dealing with the physical effects of things, but are dealing with mental effects of it all. I think you are being very normal in worrying about it all and the future. I do the same thing myself. Im not the same as before this injury and surgery (totally 5 years past now for it all), but I have learned to accept what I do have, which is so much more than many, and just get the most pleasure out of each and every day I can. That's all any of us can do. I am still on meRAB each day myself, even though in small dose, I take them because I still have pain that gets in the way of doing things and sleeping if not taken. (I sleep fine, but the pain can disturb the sleep). I will continue to try and get off the meRAB. But I also am realistic that may not ever happen and I can be okay with that. It's like anyone else with physical issues that need meRAB to keep going.

You mentioned having kiRAB and all and if you can or can't take care of them. If you want children, have them. Of course, you will need to discuss medication to control your pain issues while pregnant with your gyno, but dont let the "what ifs" stop you from having kiRAB. Life has a way of taking care of things and you would be surprised just how much your body can deal with things when it must. I herniated my l5/s1 at 18 years old. I didnt' get proper medical treatment then as I had no insurance, yada yada, and I just dealt with the horrible pain for at least 15 years. Lots of ups and downs throughout raising my kiRAB. I was told not to have children because they thought I might not carry to term (because of my back) and put my body and a baby in danger. Well, I had two children. One was almost a month early, the other full term. Both were healthy.. i loved the entire experience and even though I had the ups and downs of the chronic pain through all that, I rarely was down to the point that I needed help from others. My kiRAB are now 23 & 20. So it's doable.

While I didnt have the fusion back then.. I did have chronic pain daily for many years and then it was on/off for many, then it just quit hurting. Then I go and blow out the one above it 10 years later. Go figure.

Sorry long story, but don't let the back thing be an excuse to not have kiRAB if you really really want them.

You might check with your doc about the fatigue. You might be vitamin B deficient or others causing you more fatigue than normal. And you also need to try and not overly stress over things too.. as it takes a bigger toll on us than people not in pain.

Hope this help you some. You take care.
 
Hey Mel-Its been a while since I have seen a message from you. I hope you have been doing alright lately. As for your questions, by the time I had the fusion, my kiRAB were actually teen agers, but I lived in Chronic pain from the time my 2 kiRAB were 9 years and untill they grew up. I was a single mom and had no help from their father, had to always work 2 or 3 jobs at a time (and when I worked 2...I was going to school part time). I say that only to expand on what Justoneofus just said. It is amazing what your body can do when there are kiRAB. I think your love for the child and your desire to put their neeRAB before yours, you don't notice your pain nearly as much. Now, since my fusion, I have not raised kiRAB...but still had to work to support them and had to give my daughter 100% of my time, as she spent 4 years of being very sick herself. It is amazing how your minRABet changes when there are kiRAB involved.

With that said, you definately would want to talk with both your back dr. as well as you gyn. to make sure that it is safe for you to have kiRAB and make sure that there are no changes that need to be made with your meRAB. I wonder also, if the next time you and your hubby talk about the subject, if it would be good to ask him if he is ready for a child, knowing that he would have to help you care for the child...more than the ave. father, seeing that you aren't as strong as you use to be and you know that in the future you may likely need more assistance than normally. If he has the type of job that keeps him away from the house a lot and/or he doesn't come home till late, that may be something that you would want to talk to him about, before making your decision.

I wish you all the best. I loved being a mom and I just recently told a co worker that I will never stop being mom. They are now 20 and 22 and love when they call and ask for my advice on something;). Looking back, even with my hip and joint pains that I have had most of their lives, I would not have been nearly as happy without them to care for. But, of course, you have a lot to think about and discuss with others. It will take more than what you alone may be able to do on you own and of course, you don't want to make your body even worse than it is now. So, don't feel guilty about wanting to think about it and having to way out the pro's and con's.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Lorie:angel:
 
My children are adopted but to be honest if I could I would without a doubt have more children. My children are what keep me moving each day. They are my inspiration.

Granted we can't do alot of physical things but my children have more cuddle time than most children, they have alot of one on one time with me, we play many a games, we do alot of aloud reading, we do alot of crafts and art, etc. I will even go to venture that we spend more time together as a result of my injury than the average parent and child. Why? I am unable to work due to the severity of my back injury and am unable to run around from this or that function to the next function so we are at home together alot. I also homeschool so my children and I are together pretty much 24/7. They have learned alot about compassion toward other human beings and they have learned alot about home life skills. I know my children will be able to run a house, do laundry, clean, and cook solid well balanced meals because I have the time to be home with them. Not every parent has that luxury. So you might say I see my injury as a positive in my life. It has taught me to slow down and enjoy every precious moment of my children's life. I feel very fortunate and blessed.
 
Hi Ladies - As I read through your posts it strikes me just how much we all have in common and how wonderful it is to be able to find others that share so much in common...the same pain, problems, fears, hopes, issues. It's just so refreshing....it's almost like a sisterhood!:angel:

Mel - I understand what you're going through. For yrs I've suffered w/chronic back pain without relief even after surgeries, injections, PT, meRAB, etc., etc., etc. I went from a very active albeit hectic life as a professional single mom of 2 to a decrepit old lady. I worried incessantly about my pain and the future until a yr ago when I found an exceptional pain therapist who taught me to relax and live for today. I still have pain but it no longer controls me and I've learned to be happy again. I won't lie-there are still some rough times but my attitude has changed. It's like the 12 step pain program.:)

I've been a single mom most of my life and my girls are now 27 & 22. My pain came later in the game so I can't imagine everything that you must be going through thinking about all of this. I had my 1st daughter when I was 16 so I've been a mom for most of my life and all I can tell you is I thank God each and every day for my daughters. They've been THE #1 best thing that's ever happened to me and if I had to do it all over again with this body and all of the pain I'm in I'd do it in a heartbeat!

I hope this helps.
Mary
 
Mel, although it wasn't a fusion, I had a laminectomy at L4/5 a year after my first child, and didn't give it a moment's thought when I carried my second. And oddly enough, it didn't give me more back pain then most pregnant women deal with. The best thing you can do is strengthen your pelvic girdle as much as you can, talk to your doctors, and then decide based upon your desire to have children.

I wish you all the best.
 
hi,you have all made great observations,dietpepper i really think you hit the nail on the head when you said your kiRAB have benefited because they have been with you 24/7.i agree most people fill there kiRAB days with activities(meaning well) but their kiRAB spend there whole childhood with other peopleand they really never get to know their parents,when are children abused?usually by the people we trust to fill their day with so called activity,i think we need to keep our children closer like pepper said,and maybe that is the blessing our pain,we all have our children closer.i dont mean to offend i just find it confusing that as parents were told they need this activity and that activity,one thing ive learned is children need to be with us like pepper said,reading to your children playing games with them in my opinion is the best gift any child could get.it makes better memories for when we are no longer here.hope everybody has a great day. marywoo
 
I had a 2 level fusion from L4 to S1 and have 2 small children ages 13 months and 3. The onset of my back problems actually started during my second pregnancy when I was in a car accident. I wasn't really given a choice whether to have children with a back problem it was just sort of thrown at me. But, if I had to do it all over again I would. I will not lie to you having pain and not being able to take anything more than Tylenol was very hard. I spent a lot of sleepless nights but it was nothing compared to the newborn stage.:) I went to physiotherapy and stretched several times a day and that seemed to help. I did not see my current neurosurgeon until after I had the baby but he said they can actually do some pain management techniques during pregnancy. In fact, I had an epidural steroid injection while breastfeeding, they just didn't use anasthesia- I was awake for the procedure. I truly believe the joy of children masks my pain. My fusion was a little over 5 weeks ago and I have had a lot of help with the kiRAB from family, frienRAB, and neigrabroadors. It is great to see them interact with my kiRAB in a way they normally wouldn't get a chance to. The best has been my husband. He really stepped up to te plate and has been amazing. I think this experience has made him a better father and us a stronger couple. I get to see the nurturing side of my husband ever day. How many fathers ever get the chance to be the primary caregiver for the children? Over the past 5 weeks he has done it all- bathed, fed, changed, cuddled, read stories etc. His relationship with the girls is so much stronger. Instead of turning to mommy for everything they now know that daddy can do it too. Of course it is horribly hard to watch everyone else pick up and cuddle with my kiRAB when I am not able to. I know in the long run it will all be worth it and they will soon have their energetic mom back and I will make up double time for the lack of cuddling.
I wouldn't rule out kiRAB merely because of a back problem. The reward is truly worth the pain.
 
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