Just got off the phone with mah hubby, maybe just a rant...?

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Jaiden Eats At Mommy's

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I love my husband dearly, and he is a fabulous father. I have always been a little selfish in that I get upset when he stays up all night long playing video games. Even before our daughter he did this. I enjoy going to bed with him.

I think a lot of this stems from before we got married and I woke up several times over a period of a week or two and he was nowhere to be found. One night I freaked out so bad I drove up and down the streets, called all his friends (this was like 3am), his mom, sister... All the way until about 12 the next day I never heard from him. Ultimately I found out he was seeing someone else. Granted, this was a terrible time in our relationship and we have worked out our differences and are very much in love and happy.

I guess I just have this fear of going to bed alone and waking up alone int he middle of the night. Now moreso than ever with our beautiful daughter. Plus, he'll wanna sleep in all damn day since he won't go to bed until 8am. Then nothing gets done. But God forbid I work my ass off on my days off. Argh. I'm being a wife, I guess.

I asked what we were going to do tonight when I got home and he was like "What do you want to do? I kind of planned on playing games when you got home." so I told him I just thought we'd spend a little time together until Jaiden went to sleep. "Well, either way you'll be pissed off at me if I play as soon as you get home, or wait until you go to bed then stay up late.." bleh bleh blah.

He rarely gets to have his time and I totally understand his need to escape and do something different. But when do I get to do this? I can't leave my child for an extended period and I don't play games... I cook, clean, do laundry, or be his wife. That's my fun time.

Well, don't dog my husband. I do love him and I knwo he loves me. He's just a guy, and I'm just a hormonal mommy.

Any support, encouragement, stories are appreciated.


Yes, my husband works full time 45hrs per week. And our marriage is fine. I'm just having a mommy rant. I guess it was too late to call my mom lol
 
Last time I heard having a child in a marriage meant that two people made a choice to live together and took vows and then sealed it with the birth of a child. It was necessary to do all those things together and to agree to it all right? So if he gets to pick out time to play his videos or "whatever" then you should get to pick out time to take a long bath without having to listen for Jaiden...right? If being married to a man is the kind of work that is like having a teenager in the house then I'm all for not being married. If you don't have any expectations of him he will do whatever he wants when he wants. If he isn't committed to the marriage at the level you are it is time for you to think about how many years you are going to put up with his choices; your husband is who he is and won't change unless it is important to him to do so. Both of you are equally not making the most of your marriage and having babies won't improve it, no matter how much you tell yourself you love one another and that he is just a guy and you just a hormonal mommy.....Please, get real. For the sake of your daughter and your sanity take a dispassionate look at your marriage and then ask yourself what you want to make it better. Let him know what it is you want and if you are as important to him as he is to you...well, at the very least there should be a conversation about it.
 
Hah...sounds like my hubby lol. Just last weekend he went out Friday night, then asked if he could go out saturday, and got a bit upset when I said "if that's what you really want to do" then asked to go out Sunday arvo and when I said I thought it would be nice to spend some time together...what does he say?...... wait for it...... here it comes.....
I still need to be able to do some of my own stuff!!!!
WTF???, I'm like, when did I EVER stop you from doing something you really wanted to do, you were out last night and the night before and it's not just the fact that I am left home alone but it also means he is useless the next day to help out.

GRRRRRR... now I am cranky lol

Boys just don't get it sometimes, the trouble I am having is that he is not getting it even though I try to explain it. I tell him I struggle with the fact that I can't just say "I'm going out"...or ... "I'm buying this" (SAHM so no income for me directly) but I have to ask for his permission and organise it ahead of time. Even last week I went to do the groceries and asked if I could leave Lucy with him for a few hours and he says "I don't think that is a good idea...what if she screams??" and anytime I do manage to get him to look after her, he heads straight over to his mums and if we are both there and I hand Lucy to him so I can just get a bit of time to myself, within five minutes (at the most) he's handed her to someone else.

Oh, he is clueless.... I need to do something about it NOW or I am going to bite his head off....I just can't explain it to him so anyone who has suggestions how...I would love to hear it.

I am like you though...I love him and I know how terrible this sounds when I write it like this but he IS a good husband and I love him and I know he loves me and Lucy, I just don't think he understands how mentally draining it is to be a full time mum and see someone else hardly sacrifice anything.

Ok...so now this has turned into a rant form me lol.... I know you prob weren't looking for my life story but I guess it shows that your definitely not alone :)
Hang in there
 
I know exactly what you mean. I am in a similar situation as you are. My husband and I were engaged for 2 months, he went to the grocery store and said he will only be half an hour. One and a half hours later, he still wasn't home. So I called his phone, and some other guy answered. So I asked to speak to my then fiance, he told me that he can't speak right now, he has got orange blocks on his head. My husband was in a bad car accident (another driver jumped a red light). It has been over two years since this happened, and every time he isn't home when he says he will be at home, I think the worst. We will go to bed together, and I will wake up and he is not there, I worry myself sick thinking he went out and is lying dead somewhere. Meantime he is in the lounge playing video games. So I asked him to play his video games in our bedroom rather. He gets to play games and he is with me.
 
I think he needs to compromise with you here. It's not fair or kind to stay up ALL night every night playing video games, then sleep in ALL day!!! NO!!
I say tell him you understand that he needs to have the games as his stress-relief outlet/fun time, but that you are his wife and he needs to spend quality time with you! Keep it calm, but be firm, since marriage is about caring for each other, and finding compromises.
Good luck!!!
 
It took my hubby some time to adjust too, and he is a great father. On occasion though, when I couldn't hack any more, I'd say so, then barricade myself in the bedroom with food and a book. Daddies are quite capable of looking after babies when they have to. Something to the effect of "I need time out. I need help from you. I am going to sit in the bath and read for the next hour and a half. If you are able to look after Jaiden and play computer games, good luck, but he's the priority not the games."
It sounds like your hubby is getting plenty of alone time, if he's able to play computer games for that many hours.
 
I understand. My knucklehead husband is obsessed with his truck. He so conveniently has to take the dog out when I need help. And when I look out the window because its been about 20 minutes he's there dusting, polishing, cleaning his truck. I wake up in the morning he's cleaning his truck, goes out during day, at night. If i didn't have to get up at 4 in the morning to take him to work. That truck would have an unfortunate accident =) Well sorry for my rant but it was nice thanks
 
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