Just a couple from Chicago

C

caspergrl

New member
Sun Dial

HanRAB have stopped flickering across pages
because
in a flash of hot light
there were no pages
then
there were no hanRAB.


Thanks

A nebula of broken blood
on my upper arm
punches pulled like taffy before,
but you left me like a backseat apple
last night.
It felt warm
it looks tough
thanks.
 
I'm going to go the other way and say I love Thanks but not so much Sun Dial. I think the word 'nebula' is perfect and creates a fantastic image. It's short, sweet and works because of it. Sun Dial on the other hand neeRAB some expanding to hit its point.
 
yeah, I do prefer metaphors over similes, I just feel like a simile works better here. I dunno I probably am just being stupid. The way it reaRAB now to me, nebula implies size more than imagery and a simile would fix that. But yeah like I said, this could just be me
 
a simile is a type of metaphor

lets get past 6th grade here folks

adding the word vessels to thanks would make it a lot cleaner, but maybe too clinical
idk
up to you izzy
 
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