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Jokes... Star if you like them?
- Thread starter AKKU
- Start date
LizzWeasley
New member
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He starts to take off his pants and throws them at her. He says: "Put those on" The bride replies "I can't wear your pants" He says "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family" The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him and says "Try those on" The groom replies "I can't get into your panties" She then says "And you never will if you don't change that attitude!"
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Little Johny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johny, if there were five birds on a fence and you shot one, how many would be left?" "None" replied Johny "Because the rest would fly away" "Well, the answer is four" said the teacher "But I like the way you're thinking" Little Johny said "i have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one is licking her cone, the second biting her cone and the third sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well" said the teacher nervously "I guess the one sucking her cone" "No" said little Johny "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking"
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A wife is dreaming, wakes up and shouts "Quick! My husband is home!" He husband wakes up and jumps out the window"
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Fact of life:
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "W T F"
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A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce: A man went to Hawaii and sent his wife a message: "Having the most amazing time here... wish you were her"
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How do you know when you've had too much to drink? When you're driving and you swerve to miss a tree and you realize it's your air freshener.
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I just realized that the word bed actually looks like a bed
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One day a soldier received a letter from his girlfriend saying she was breaking up with him after two years of her cheating on him. At first he was hurt but soon he thought of a plot. He collected all that he could of his fellow comrades' pictures of wives, girlfriends and ex's and a picture of his ex who just broke up with him. He sent 57 pictures of women back to his ex girlfriend with a letter saying "I'm so sorry, but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture out of the pile and send the rest back to me"
**********
Little Johny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johny, if there were five birds on a fence and you shot one, how many would be left?" "None" replied Johny "Because the rest would fly away" "Well, the answer is four" said the teacher "But I like the way you're thinking" Little Johny said "i have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one is licking her cone, the second biting her cone and the third sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well" said the teacher nervously "I guess the one sucking her cone" "No" said little Johny "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking"
**********
A wife is dreaming, wakes up and shouts "Quick! My husband is home!" He husband wakes up and jumps out the window"
**********
Fact of life:
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "W T F"
**********
A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce: A man went to Hawaii and sent his wife a message: "Having the most amazing time here... wish you were her"
**********
How do you know when you've had too much to drink? When you're driving and you swerve to miss a tree and you realize it's your air freshener.
**********
I just realized that the word bed actually looks like a bed
**********
One day a soldier received a letter from his girlfriend saying she was breaking up with him after two years of her cheating on him. At first he was hurt but soon he thought of a plot. He collected all that he could of his fellow comrades' pictures of wives, girlfriends and ex's and a picture of his ex who just broke up with him. He sent 57 pictures of women back to his ex girlfriend with a letter saying "I'm so sorry, but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture out of the pile and send the rest back to me"