Iv been selected for a poetry competition but dont know which of my poems to...

[Mischa P]

...submit. Which is better and why? ?
1.
And if it snowed and snow covered the drive
he took a spade and tossed it to one side.
And always tucked his daughter up at night
And slippered her the one time that she lied.
And every week he tipped up half his wage.
And what he didn't spend each week he saved.
And praised his wife for every meal she made.
And once, for laughing, punched her in the face.

And for his mum he hired a private nurse.
And every Sunday taxied her to church.
And he blubbed when she went from bad to worse.
And twice he lifted ten quid from her purse.

Here's how they rated him when they looked back:
sometimes he did this, sometimes he did that.

2.
Do these fields which lie before me,
Tell of ancient lingering minds,
And shall our will succumb to forces,
Of history, and all mankind.

We find ourselves in times obscure,
Like oranges in orchards pure,
Which dripping juice of beauty sweet,
Still find themselves in searing heat.

But I predict a stark implosion,
And I predict that all shall fall,
For he who wastes till e'er after,
Shall live to see tomorrow stall.

 

[J T]

Wow, they're both beautiful. I enjoyed the first poem's 'directness' and thats whats effective about it! The second one is abstract, slightly cryptic and depicts a view of the world which demonstrates an understanding beyond yourself.
The first one gives the idea that an innocent child is writing about her family and is rather indifferent to it all, accepting what is happening and the reader feels sympathetic towards her because of that.
Whereas, the second one has a more mature sense to it wherein you're able to observe the world and make inferences.

Oh! I'm not sure! I know this is supposed to be an answer, but I THINK I like the second... because I write crypticly a lot

 

[Alan J]

Submit this in the poetry section of this website...

2nd poem. The first one uses to many 'ands'