Its getting REALLY tough -HELP!!!

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Lugar22

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Hiya guys........just looking for some support. Im really struggling bigtime this morning and the urge to use is eating me up. Its consuming my every thought and I cant bear it. I hate myself for feeling this way and I know that using will make me feel worse emotionally but I feel like Im being sucked in. Im finding it hard to control at the moment.
If anyone has some time to talk to me i would sure appreciate it.
Thanks..........CC
 
CC....I am so sorry your morning was rough for you! Please don't beat yourself up......we all have been there. I am so proud of you for being raw and honest! You could have not said a word about this morning......that is huge in my book! Put this morning behind you....start fresh. CC you really inspire me...I am not alone anymore....owning it counts the most. Please let me know how your day is going? I can't wait to hear from you!
Crocheting
 
CC :)..... I haven't gone to sleep yet, I had a feeling you would be posting. I am so sorry your cravings are strong! I haven't been doing as good with my weening norco to six per day where I am suppose to be. It makes me feel like a butt, look at what you have accomplished. I am so proud of you CC, you have been a inspiration in my life since I found these boarRAB. CC.....I am sorry your cravings are strong this morning. Earlier this evening I posted "CC how are you doing"? Don't forget to open the post. And you get away this morning? Maybe go get a coffee or go shopping a bit? CC you just have to stay strong, or I won't be able to go to asleep! It is 1:30 am. Where I live in CA. What do you usually do to get your mind off the Cravings? U will have to be going to sleep soon, I just have to know you will stay strong! Need to sleep and when I get up in few water I will get back to you.
Crocheting
 
Hey honey sorry I was off line for a bit I took your worRAB of wisdom and am trying to stay strong! God I know it's hard. I hope your day is going as well as can be expected,everyone says get up n get motivated or go shopping keep ur mind busy but...it is sometimes hard to get ur body to follow! It will get better~I had quite a few relapses but in the end no more pills and as u know I have replaced with alcohol. We all have our demons we deal with or we wouldn't be here. PLEASE stay strong I am here if u need to talk Let me know how ur day is going as I will be online for a bit.
As always,
!RODFAN
 
Hello Luger

Buddy, I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

I need to telll you gently that sitting around thinking about the urges is not productive.... you need to force yourself to get active with another activity and distract the mind and body from cravings.

Even in withdrawal at its worst, we must begin to retrain the thinking so that other activities come to mind instead of cravings. Get up and take a walk... practice looking at small things on your walk... concentrate bon what you see even if it does not bring pleasure at this point. Sweep the floor and npay attention to all the nooks and crannies that need to be swept. Concentrate on a game of solitaire. Keep posting or write in long hand to yourself about past memories or present concerns.

Unless we begin to learn as we go along about things that we can do in place of using, the thoughts will just always go back to what they know. Gotta replace using thoughts with other thoughts. We must implant the new ones so they will eventaully override the old ones. The new ones will become habit. In time, restlessnes will turn to thoughts of other activities and thoughts of using dissapate.

Get up, get moving. Renew hope, Buddy... you can do this.

Always with hope
reach
 
Hi CC, Sorry it's been so long since I've written. I've had a really rough weekend w/ depression. I admire your courage w/ this battle. I know how tough this is. We have to quit beating ourselves up so bad. We're not bad people. Try to be your own best friend. Just imagine,we would never inflict the pain we suffer from our addictions on someone else. Pick yourself up & get started again. You're worth it ! We're always going to be here for you.
All my best to you. Love, Mike
 
Crocheting,Reach...really good to hear from you guys. The news I have is not good cause I did go out and use. Now I feel like a real boob. Its so stupid cause with the meth Im on I dont get any WRAB , its just the mental side of things. Im such a weak baby. What is good bout today is after all that,I went to church. Didnt feel much like it but the boys love Sunday school so they dragged me in. Guess what the sermon was on? Changing your life to repent for your sin and move on in the knowledge that He loves us. I nearly fell off me chair! It seemed as thou the worRAB were speaking straight into my heart , and offering me comfort that if I keep beating myself up with guilt I will never get out of this cycle. Cor blimey,did I sob! I even did something for me which was brave......I put my cash card in the safe hanRAB of a friend who cant get it back to me till Thursday. I have enough food,petrol,fags etc to last till then so the only reason I would want any serious cash would be for drugs. That makes it alot easier for me to know that theres bugger all I can do about my cravings now. I realise that I cant live my life like this for ever......that I will have to learn how to deal with having access to
 
Good to hear from you ,Mike. Thanks for the support , though I admit you've caught me at a bad moment. Im so fed up......this is like an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I feel like I can do this...the next Im not so sure...the next Im a mess. Whats up with that? I feel ashamed Ive let it get this bad...feel guilty for me kiRAB (they're great kiRAB). What a to-do,eh?
Anyways , it getting late here so Im gonna try to get some sleep soon. I feel really tired....kinda drained I guess. But , back on top tomorrow. I will do this.
Sorry that your weekenRAB been rough. Got any heat yet? You've done so bloody well that I admire the strength you've shown. I know that bulimia really drains the body , so thats probably adding to your depression. I am sending you a big cuddle to let you know Im with you.
Keep striving forward,
love CC XOXOX
 
cc --I am an OLDIE but Newie! I will be right where you are right now in a few days and I am DEAD scared of it. I was looking back at my old posts and dreading those 3-4:00am posts that I wil soon write bitching about how stupid I was AGAIN to do this to myself. When will I learn. I do this to myself EACH year at the SAME time with the SAME weather. maybe I should move. I have not ONCE abused a pill during the summer time. Something to be said there.
Keep your head up. Get out and exercise it will help.

Tell me that in a few days! please

D
 
Hey There Lugar

Today seems to be one of revelation for you! Good deal! Smiles.

You know, Lugar, I often wondered why I never felt 'cravings' for my drugs. I think at this point I understand why. I was able early on to believe that the symptoms of withdrawal were actually symptoms of healing and restoration. Every time my body and brain went bonkers because of lowering my dose of the drugs, I believed it was a time of healing for my brain and body and that gave me strength to endure the edginess, the anxiety, the restlessness. It wasan't that I enjoyed the symptoms, but I came to understand that each one was really an act needed for repair to my brain and body and that gave me strength. I woulkd often repeat a mantra my doctor gave me early on... " I am getting stronger and better every day." Each symptom I endured was a baby step in my restoration, an inch closer to having peace in my life and happiness. Oh, Man, I never though sometimes that I would ever feel joy again. I plodded toward it with the promise of it that those before me gave me. And they had spoken true worRAB, Luger! Today I have much joy... I laugh loud and hard again and life feels good. Claim it, Lugar, for yourself. And when it is yours again, share it with those you love.

Peace out
reach
 
Darn! I'm late to the party again. Sorry Lugar, I wasn't here to help out earlier.

I'm Day 18 clean and not a minute of the day goes by when my mind is idle that I don't think about my drug and then the cravings start. Some days they aren't that bad, other days I would do almost anything to get my hanRAB on some. I found that I have to move away from the situation that is making me crave and get busy doing something else. Read the post I did on "Craving Research" - it really hit home for me and made sense.

Just to let you and the others know, when I am writing on this board my craving level goes through the roof, because it brings back the memories of my bottle of Oxy sitting here in front of me, my tapering, my failures, my successes, and yes, the nasty *^%@$ withdrawals that I went through. It triggers the part of my brain that causes the cravings to begin. But, I stay and I write and I hope that I can help other people say that they made it to day 18 some day as well.

I'm waiting for you to say that Lugar! We all just have to work together. We're here for you.
 
I have to agree with pretty much everyone else here...get moving. If you get your mind focused on doing something else (other than pills or whatever your DOC is) it will help with the cravings. Also, if you do so much physical activity, you'll be so pooped out by the end of the day that you just may get an awesome nights sleep.

I've been doing a lot of stuff with the kiRAB, housework, schoolwork, etc.... and have been sleeping real well. It also helps if you write out a schedule. I don't know if you have free time during the day, but if you use a calendar and schedule your day, your less apt to have any lag time.

For example, schedule your meals, cleanup, showers, tv time, erranRAB, household chores, etc..... and don't leave yourself much wiggle room in the beginning. It worked for me and it may for you.

Good luck and, as always, we are always a post away!!
 
Lugar you are going to have to do something aerobic to get rid of that craving. I would sugest getting a jump roap and start doing that. I can guarentee you that your cravings will go away. Don't just go jogging unless you really enjoy that activity. Either do, turbo jam, jump roap, do Karate, or punch a speed bag, or even get a ball and throw some hoop. Just get your heart rate up, but the key is to do something that you enjoy, if you don't it won't work. Heck even put in some music and dance, as silly as that sounRAB, I promise the cravings will go away. You have to do it for at least a half an hour and it has to be something that you get some fun out of, even if it is miserable to start.
 
GOSH guys...thanks to you all for replying......it really means so much to me. Im not sure how worthy I feel of any response but it sure feels good to know that Ive got help out there. I feel exhausted.....all the emotion today has left me drained. Do you ever get that?(when you spend time howling and then feel like you could sleep for a week?).Prob the gear I used doesnt help either. Today has been very strange...so up and down,but definately got better as times gone on. Things must be on the up for me though cause a few weeks ago when I used,i would be craving again for more pretty much straight away. Not today though...i did it then didnt want anymore. Strange...i feel like there's been a definate shift in how i deal with my addictions. I REALLY want to change now....not just lip service anymore. I think its a good idea to limit my access to
 
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