Charles Newyork
New member
“Devil’s Trill
The brown-rusted spring coils contract sending shrieking sounds of fingernails sliding down on a chalkboard. My ears have not adjusted to the reality yet. The blue mattress with brown urine stains sends strong fumes putting me in a daze. My nose has not adjusted to the reality yet. My legs dangling at a perfect 90 degree angle at the edge of the bed. My body has not adjusted to the reality yet. The smooth shiny cement floor marred with stains resembling a creation of Jackson Pollock. My eyes have not adjusted to the reality yet. The blanket’s fibers inject into my skin. A dose of reality rushes in, I feel like a heroin addict relieved after a quick fix. A simple cell turns into a maze in an instant as I’m now held captive in the Minotaur’s labyrinth. The dribs and scribbles on the walls and floors blur statements of broken dreams and lost hope. Have I arrived in Hell? The flickering light and the electric hum alternate on every off-beat. Am I in a noir? The remains of a soul below me grumble and shake like a body in a crematorium. Tears drip out from her ghastly sunken eyes. A she-demon sitting on a cement bench scrapes her fingernail against the table, and whistles loudly to the tune of the Devil’s trill as she keeps time to the clunking and clicking of the officer’s keys. Tartini’s nightmare is my own too. I wrapped myself with the blanket; a prickled comfort that kept me shield from the impurities around me. “I told you so!” my old man’s remark vibrating inside my head. Sometimes I get the feeling he saw sitting here among the beaten and damned, and defeated by the demons and non-believers. My bed bunk croaked, the jail cell grew darker, and I closed my eyes. Father! Why have you forsaken me?
I wrote this piece titled "Devil's Trill". However I was wondering if it was prose poetry? what is prose poetry exactly and where is this piece lacking? I had a friend that's a creative writing major tell me that it's too cliche and not original. Is this true? How can I improve my prose poetry? Anymore critiques?
The brown-rusted spring coils contract sending shrieking sounds of fingernails sliding down on a chalkboard. My ears have not adjusted to the reality yet. The blue mattress with brown urine stains sends strong fumes putting me in a daze. My nose has not adjusted to the reality yet. My legs dangling at a perfect 90 degree angle at the edge of the bed. My body has not adjusted to the reality yet. The smooth shiny cement floor marred with stains resembling a creation of Jackson Pollock. My eyes have not adjusted to the reality yet. The blanket’s fibers inject into my skin. A dose of reality rushes in, I feel like a heroin addict relieved after a quick fix. A simple cell turns into a maze in an instant as I’m now held captive in the Minotaur’s labyrinth. The dribs and scribbles on the walls and floors blur statements of broken dreams and lost hope. Have I arrived in Hell? The flickering light and the electric hum alternate on every off-beat. Am I in a noir? The remains of a soul below me grumble and shake like a body in a crematorium. Tears drip out from her ghastly sunken eyes. A she-demon sitting on a cement bench scrapes her fingernail against the table, and whistles loudly to the tune of the Devil’s trill as she keeps time to the clunking and clicking of the officer’s keys. Tartini’s nightmare is my own too. I wrapped myself with the blanket; a prickled comfort that kept me shield from the impurities around me. “I told you so!” my old man’s remark vibrating inside my head. Sometimes I get the feeling he saw sitting here among the beaten and damned, and defeated by the demons and non-believers. My bed bunk croaked, the jail cell grew darker, and I closed my eyes. Father! Why have you forsaken me?
I wrote this piece titled "Devil's Trill". However I was wondering if it was prose poetry? what is prose poetry exactly and where is this piece lacking? I had a friend that's a creative writing major tell me that it's too cliche and not original. Is this true? How can I improve my prose poetry? Anymore critiques?