is this poem good?
i think it needs a little work. but i want to put it in a competition when im finished, so tell me what you think okay?
btw im 13.
The wind slithers through the trees like forgotten souls trespassing through the broken hearted land
finally reaching the stone wall that lonely strolls through the fields, unwanted, but for the rabbits for shade
who stands alone with broken hearts around it tragically
the wind, who is now filled with darkened laughter, lashes out with uncontrollable rage at the saddened stone, waiting for his own pain to be released, he gets stronger and stronger, collecting more silent whispers urging to be heard
soon all that is left are broken hearts floating like black balloons around crumpled rock
lost without knowing, the wind carries on
hoping and wishing, that someday, he gets the relief from the pain, grief and sadness that he begs for.
thanks, and give me your opinion. =]
i think it needs a little work. but i want to put it in a competition when im finished, so tell me what you think okay?
btw im 13.
The wind slithers through the trees like forgotten souls trespassing through the broken hearted land
finally reaching the stone wall that lonely strolls through the fields, unwanted, but for the rabbits for shade
who stands alone with broken hearts around it tragically
the wind, who is now filled with darkened laughter, lashes out with uncontrollable rage at the saddened stone, waiting for his own pain to be released, he gets stronger and stronger, collecting more silent whispers urging to be heard
soon all that is left are broken hearts floating like black balloons around crumpled rock
lost without knowing, the wind carries on
hoping and wishing, that someday, he gets the relief from the pain, grief and sadness that he begs for.
thanks, and give me your opinion. =]