I don't want to self diagnose, but I think I have OCD and I want to make sure I'm not just being paranoid. I apologise in advance for how long this is.
I wash my hands more times than I can count every day (even long after it's become painful.) For example one trip to the bathroom easily becomes 3 hand washings (once after I've closed and locked the door, once after using the bathroom and once after I've opened the door), if I brush my teeth while I'm in there that's 2 extra hand washings. I don't like to touch doorknobs, faucet handles, cabinet handles, the fridge door etc. etc. and wear long sleeves frequently to help with some of this (to cut down on hand washing which is often painful, and use of hand sanitizer which also hurts) I've had the hand washing issue interfere with jobs before (needing to wear gloves to cut down on washing my hands was the specific issue.)
Every time I write something I feel the need to check it at least three times before I feel satisfied and if there are any numbers involved I sometimes feel the need to keep going back and checking until it feels right.
When I say goodnight or goodbye to my gf I feel like the last words that we say to each other have to be "I love you." and anything said afterward negates it and it needs to be said again (when she gets annoyed by this and says it in a way that doesn't sound right I feel like it has to be repeated until it is right, and if that doesn't happen I feel completely anxious about it and that anxiety can last for hours)
I force myself to stay awake if it's too close to or not after a very specific time (5 hours before seems to be okay, but anything less than that and I can't go to sleep)
I sometimes feel the need to count things (how many letters in a word, or napkins on a table.) this one needs to either be provoked in some way or comes about when I'm intoxicated (all of my symptoms seem more intense when I'm not sober)
Certain things being asymmetrical really bother me, so do certain colours, certain lighting, etc. etc.
When I'm nervous or arguing with someone I feel like I have re-arrange or line things up to keep myself calm (this is something else that is worse when I'm intoxicated, the need to re-arrange things I mean.)
I don't seem particularly organized or neat, but I put things that I use regularly in very specific places and it puts me on edge to see anyone near them, and I can't stand to have them moved because I feel like I can't find them if someone else touches them.
I spend a lot of time obsessing over certain thoughts, and in most situations I get caught up thinking about the million different ways things can go wrong. These thoughts often lead to panic attacks.
I get very caught up in the idea that things need to be perfect, and if one thing is out of place or doesn't go right I get really anxious.
Every time I change the volume on the TV I always make sure it's either an odd number or divisible by 5.
I check to see if doors are locked, things are off etc. and when I have I feel like I forgot something and need to keep going back and checking or I can't relax (this is usually worse at night and I've gotten up even when I've been exhausted just to check something that was bothering me.)
I can't make plans or stick to schedules because I get extremely anxious when I'm obligated to do something because I worry about a million different things going wrong that will prevent me from being able to do what I'm supposed to (or if it's something like work I feel as though me being stuck there will prevent me from being where I need to be when/if something goes wrong)
I worry every time my gf is away doing something that she isn't going to come back (for millions of reasons), and it's something I know she mistakes as me being controlling but I feel like I can't explain things to her because I feel like the truth might come off as more crazy (somehow) than her just thinking I'm a control freak.
Whenever I try to play a song on any of the instruments I play if I hit the wrong note, or if the timing sounds even slightly off I have to start over from the beginning and try again. I can't just ignore it and keep going I have to start over and play until it sounds right.
There are a lot of other little things that won't fit here, so I'll cut the list short.
Do I have OCD, or are these just normal “quirks”?
I wash my hands more times than I can count every day (even long after it's become painful.) For example one trip to the bathroom easily becomes 3 hand washings (once after I've closed and locked the door, once after using the bathroom and once after I've opened the door), if I brush my teeth while I'm in there that's 2 extra hand washings. I don't like to touch doorknobs, faucet handles, cabinet handles, the fridge door etc. etc. and wear long sleeves frequently to help with some of this (to cut down on hand washing which is often painful, and use of hand sanitizer which also hurts) I've had the hand washing issue interfere with jobs before (needing to wear gloves to cut down on washing my hands was the specific issue.)
Every time I write something I feel the need to check it at least three times before I feel satisfied and if there are any numbers involved I sometimes feel the need to keep going back and checking until it feels right.
When I say goodnight or goodbye to my gf I feel like the last words that we say to each other have to be "I love you." and anything said afterward negates it and it needs to be said again (when she gets annoyed by this and says it in a way that doesn't sound right I feel like it has to be repeated until it is right, and if that doesn't happen I feel completely anxious about it and that anxiety can last for hours)
I force myself to stay awake if it's too close to or not after a very specific time (5 hours before seems to be okay, but anything less than that and I can't go to sleep)
I sometimes feel the need to count things (how many letters in a word, or napkins on a table.) this one needs to either be provoked in some way or comes about when I'm intoxicated (all of my symptoms seem more intense when I'm not sober)
Certain things being asymmetrical really bother me, so do certain colours, certain lighting, etc. etc.
When I'm nervous or arguing with someone I feel like I have re-arrange or line things up to keep myself calm (this is something else that is worse when I'm intoxicated, the need to re-arrange things I mean.)
I don't seem particularly organized or neat, but I put things that I use regularly in very specific places and it puts me on edge to see anyone near them, and I can't stand to have them moved because I feel like I can't find them if someone else touches them.
I spend a lot of time obsessing over certain thoughts, and in most situations I get caught up thinking about the million different ways things can go wrong. These thoughts often lead to panic attacks.
I get very caught up in the idea that things need to be perfect, and if one thing is out of place or doesn't go right I get really anxious.
Every time I change the volume on the TV I always make sure it's either an odd number or divisible by 5.
I check to see if doors are locked, things are off etc. and when I have I feel like I forgot something and need to keep going back and checking or I can't relax (this is usually worse at night and I've gotten up even when I've been exhausted just to check something that was bothering me.)
I can't make plans or stick to schedules because I get extremely anxious when I'm obligated to do something because I worry about a million different things going wrong that will prevent me from being able to do what I'm supposed to (or if it's something like work I feel as though me being stuck there will prevent me from being where I need to be when/if something goes wrong)
I worry every time my gf is away doing something that she isn't going to come back (for millions of reasons), and it's something I know she mistakes as me being controlling but I feel like I can't explain things to her because I feel like the truth might come off as more crazy (somehow) than her just thinking I'm a control freak.
Whenever I try to play a song on any of the instruments I play if I hit the wrong note, or if the timing sounds even slightly off I have to start over from the beginning and try again. I can't just ignore it and keep going I have to start over and play until it sounds right.
There are a lot of other little things that won't fit here, so I'll cut the list short.
Do I have OCD, or are these just normal “quirks”?