my b/f and i have been twice to a swingers club for me it was a curiousity thing and i wanted to experience a woman . my 1st time i was upset and was a mixed emotion thing we have since been again and my partner wanted to another woman to join i felt uncomfortable with it and didnt agree he just touched and kissed her us I dont think i can detach my emotions and feel alittle uneasy with it. he said that he was only doing the same things as i was doing to the woman. and when we talked on the way back he said that it was fantasy and not real .. im i being selfish as i did do things with the girl and i didnt want him to just sit there.
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is this normal reaction regarding swinging couples?
- Thread starter petal
- Start date
midnightmoon
New member
Swinging is something that can be great for some couples, but disaster for other couples.
Yes, it is selfish of you to expect him to be ok with you having sex with other people, but you not allow him to have sex with other people. You have desires, you are curious, and so is he. There is no difference between you having sex with these girls and him having sex with these girls. NONE. Yet for some reason you seem to think there is a difference.
I disagree that its not real... If you are there you are really having sex with other people. But he right to a point that its just fantasy. I wouldnt use that word though. What he means by that is that he doesnt have feelings for these people, that its just the sexual factor of having sex.
And this is what most people who go into swinging miss.. In order to remain succesful as a couple while swinging, you truelly have to view sex as a fun activity that is in no way connected to love and emotions. Clearly, that is not how you view sex. If it was, you wouldnt have gotten jealous when he wanted to do the same things you were doing. Clearly, on some level, you still view sex and love as synonymous. They arent.
If you want to continue swinging, that is fully ya'lls own choice. But I think now you have a more realistic view of what emotions are going to crop up with it. If you guys cant keep your jealousy in check, it will destroy your relationship.
If you do continue, the two of you need to sit down and TALK and talk and talk and talk some more about it. You both need to be on the same page about doing it, WHY you are doing it, and what you expect to get out of it. You should also discuss some ground rules (like how to handle the situation you are asking about, as well as other ground rules).
Yes, it is selfish of you to expect him to be ok with you having sex with other people, but you not allow him to have sex with other people. You have desires, you are curious, and so is he. There is no difference between you having sex with these girls and him having sex with these girls. NONE. Yet for some reason you seem to think there is a difference.
I disagree that its not real... If you are there you are really having sex with other people. But he right to a point that its just fantasy. I wouldnt use that word though. What he means by that is that he doesnt have feelings for these people, that its just the sexual factor of having sex.
And this is what most people who go into swinging miss.. In order to remain succesful as a couple while swinging, you truelly have to view sex as a fun activity that is in no way connected to love and emotions. Clearly, that is not how you view sex. If it was, you wouldnt have gotten jealous when he wanted to do the same things you were doing. Clearly, on some level, you still view sex and love as synonymous. They arent.
If you want to continue swinging, that is fully ya'lls own choice. But I think now you have a more realistic view of what emotions are going to crop up with it. If you guys cant keep your jealousy in check, it will destroy your relationship.
If you do continue, the two of you need to sit down and TALK and talk and talk and talk some more about it. You both need to be on the same page about doing it, WHY you are doing it, and what you expect to get out of it. You should also discuss some ground rules (like how to handle the situation you are asking about, as well as other ground rules).
if you keep doing this you might as well start enjoying the pain you feel . Only hurt will come from this. And its not fantasy its real you cant put your hands on a fantasy.
Sounds like your forcing your self into something to please someone else.
You said you were Curious about being with a woman not Curious about a 3 some
Sounds like your forcing your self into something to please someone else.
You said you were Curious about being with a woman not Curious about a 3 some
S
scott gregory
Guest
You have opened a door. Closing it will be tough, fantasy??
You did it, it really happened and will again, whats going on when your not around, trust has been destroyed. Lust is in control, oh yay ,FANTASY. Wake up Dorothy, OZ was nice but troublesome and not reality living.
You did it, it really happened and will again, whats going on when your not around, trust has been destroyed. Lust is in control, oh yay ,FANTASY. Wake up Dorothy, OZ was nice but troublesome and not reality living.
if you keep doing this you might as well start enjoying the pain you feel . Only hurt will come from this. And its not fantasy its real you cant put your hands on a fantasy.
Sounds like your forcing your self into something to please someone else.
You said you were Curious about being with a woman not Curious about a 3 some
Sounds like your forcing your self into something to please someone else.
You said you were Curious about being with a woman not Curious about a 3 some