...-x-? My boyfriend and I are almost 6 months into a long distance relationship and are, on the whole, happy. The only thing is that when we see each other, which is one weekend out of three, we rarely do anything together like a normal couple. We live 6 hours apart. This morning, however, we were talking about seeing each other next weekend and he has planned a day trip for us. I mentioned that I have actually visited the place before and he took it really badly, like I was criticising him - which I wasn't! Later in the conversation, I asked about football fixtures that same weekend so that I could organise for us to go out and wine and dine - once again he took this badly as if what he has planed is not good enough. That isn't what I was saying at all!!! This is something that has come up time and time again (particularly as he spends a lot of time with his ex and they do things together, yet we don't - I cannot deny a slight pang of jealousy regarding this situation though I know that she is his ex, and is so for a reason, and I trust that he is as faithful to the relationship as I am) and I want to resolve it once and for all. Unfortunately, it is not going to be possible to speak to him before I see him so is this letter ok? I do not want to attack him, but at the same time want him to realise how important this is to me.
"I had not meant for my suggestion earlier to make you feel like I was undermining your plans for us, it was completely unrelated. All that I had hoped to do was establish when you would be free on that Saturday afternoon/evening so that I could see if there was anything going on around Manchester that might be fun for us to do together. I am thoroughly looking forward to spending time with you, and only stated that I had been to Stratford before as I have – though in retrospect possibly should not have repeated this as I can appreciate how it would sound like a criticism – but it upsets me deeply that you are always looking for me to attack you and immediately become defensive. In all honesty, I have this perfectly content idea of the two of us walking around, hand in hand, appreciating the history of the beautiful place and, if lunch hasn’t already been eaten, then having a picnic in a park or something. And as for accrediting you with something that you have not done, I feel it appropriate to recognise the effort – no matter to what extent – that has and will be put into us going out for a day trip. It means so much to me when you take charge of what we are doing – like that afternoon we spent around Fife – as it feels great to be enjoying something that someone who loves you recognises that you would enjoy. I would hope that you feel the same when I have organised something (even if it does involve sitting in the rain watching rugby). But as I said that other Saturday, and reiterated in one of the uncollected letters, if I don’t make you feel like my world then I don’t know what more I can do. This is an appropriate comment especially when I was only asking about next Saturday in order to continue to make you feel as special as I can.
I adore your company, I long for it when we aren’t together, but sometimes feel a bit insecure and question where I stand with you; what do you want from me? It is so easy to say how you feel, but harder to let someone know how you feel (I still don’t know how to achieve it, but try as often as I can to make sure that you know that you are my world). I want a loving, mutual relationship where we both feel supported and cared for. Also, a relationship where we can ask for what we need and want without it becoming a big issue. A relationship where the line isn’t so easily crossed, and one where we can make plans to spend quality time together without it being taken as a criticism of time that we have already spent, or are due to spend, together.
Additionally, what do you mean by the fact that you are unable to give me “what I deserve”? Statements like “...I just feel like I could never live up to what you deserve” have an ambiguous meaning when written in a text, but when it is viewed in the context that you often feel that I am attacking you or looking to criticise then the statement can become one of defeat. Am I making you feel like that? No one ever wants to feel inadequate and I worry that if you are doing so then you are never going to be wholly comfortable in the relationship. The thing is, as far as I am concerned, you can give me what I want but you don’t always realise it. I’m not expecting you to hand me the world on a silver platter, but if you can give me a chance for us to have a ‘clichéd’ date night without objection (and I don’t ask this to undermine the time that we do spend together at all as I treasure every moment that we have together, but that sometimes it feels that we have just gone into a pretty serious relationship without having a dating period first. You know, the sort of night that offers us the occasion to romance and
"I had not meant for my suggestion earlier to make you feel like I was undermining your plans for us, it was completely unrelated. All that I had hoped to do was establish when you would be free on that Saturday afternoon/evening so that I could see if there was anything going on around Manchester that might be fun for us to do together. I am thoroughly looking forward to spending time with you, and only stated that I had been to Stratford before as I have – though in retrospect possibly should not have repeated this as I can appreciate how it would sound like a criticism – but it upsets me deeply that you are always looking for me to attack you and immediately become defensive. In all honesty, I have this perfectly content idea of the two of us walking around, hand in hand, appreciating the history of the beautiful place and, if lunch hasn’t already been eaten, then having a picnic in a park or something. And as for accrediting you with something that you have not done, I feel it appropriate to recognise the effort – no matter to what extent – that has and will be put into us going out for a day trip. It means so much to me when you take charge of what we are doing – like that afternoon we spent around Fife – as it feels great to be enjoying something that someone who loves you recognises that you would enjoy. I would hope that you feel the same when I have organised something (even if it does involve sitting in the rain watching rugby). But as I said that other Saturday, and reiterated in one of the uncollected letters, if I don’t make you feel like my world then I don’t know what more I can do. This is an appropriate comment especially when I was only asking about next Saturday in order to continue to make you feel as special as I can.
I adore your company, I long for it when we aren’t together, but sometimes feel a bit insecure and question where I stand with you; what do you want from me? It is so easy to say how you feel, but harder to let someone know how you feel (I still don’t know how to achieve it, but try as often as I can to make sure that you know that you are my world). I want a loving, mutual relationship where we both feel supported and cared for. Also, a relationship where we can ask for what we need and want without it becoming a big issue. A relationship where the line isn’t so easily crossed, and one where we can make plans to spend quality time together without it being taken as a criticism of time that we have already spent, or are due to spend, together.
Additionally, what do you mean by the fact that you are unable to give me “what I deserve”? Statements like “...I just feel like I could never live up to what you deserve” have an ambiguous meaning when written in a text, but when it is viewed in the context that you often feel that I am attacking you or looking to criticise then the statement can become one of defeat. Am I making you feel like that? No one ever wants to feel inadequate and I worry that if you are doing so then you are never going to be wholly comfortable in the relationship. The thing is, as far as I am concerned, you can give me what I want but you don’t always realise it. I’m not expecting you to hand me the world on a silver platter, but if you can give me a chance for us to have a ‘clichéd’ date night without objection (and I don’t ask this to undermine the time that we do spend together at all as I treasure every moment that we have together, but that sometimes it feels that we have just gone into a pretty serious relationship without having a dating period first. You know, the sort of night that offers us the occasion to romance and