Alright, this question is not being asked in terms of "me", or in terms of my non-existent significant other. I'm asking this question to find out the opinions of others on this girl that I'm friends with.
And no, I don't like her. I used to, but not any more.
Anyway, it's important to note (I don't want to go into detail, it's her life, and she never told me I could talk freely about her on the Internet, so I won't) that she's been through several physically and sexually abusive relationships. According to her, she's gotten over the trauma of being in them, but I think that there's a lot more "mental residue" left over than she's willing to admit. In fact, I believe that those past relationships are having quite a large impact on her life today.
Here's the situation - I've known this girl since last January. Almost a year now. We talk a lot, and I believe that she's told me (on several occasions) that she tells me a lot more things than she tells a lot of her other friends.
I've heard enough about her life, and about the guys she likes to detect somewhat of a pattern. Ever since I met her last January, she's been going through about one guy per month, either dating or "liking". In March-April, she has a pseudo-relationship with this world-class douchebag. She dumps him after he starts to become controlling, creepy, and acting in an overtly-sexual manner. At the end of April, she and an old friend attempt to start a relationship, but she dumps him and he moves after he refuses to tone down contact with his ex-girlfriend.
Come May, she dates a guy, for real this time. The relationship lasts for the better part of the month of May, yet ends abruptly before Memorial Day weekend. She's "discovered" that he's not really the wonderful guy that she once thought he was - in fact, he's not all too bright, a bit immature, and yet again, sexually abusive. So she dumps him, and from the things I've heard, she was well within her rights to do so.
In June, she falls for some guy she met at one of her "extracurricular" university programs. She doesn't end up dating him, but I do get to hear about how wonderful and awesome this guy is almost every night for an entire month. Being very intelligent, she does express doubts, and she does point out several major character flaws that may prevent anything from developing between the two of them. Doesn't stop her infatuation from drawing out - she doesn't get over him until she goes to hang out with a number of his friends, most of whom *are* immature and judgmental. They pass on a bunch of BS about her to the guy (sounds like the girls were jealous. I'm not saying this in defense of my friend. She's honest, and nobody has ever accused me of being a flatterer), and he believes them. That ends her interest pretty fast.
Couple of weeks go by, and she's not showing any signs of being "in" to any guys.
That comes to an end some time in mid-July, when some guy at one of her volunteer locations writes her a little note, asking how to get in touch with her. After talking with him a few more times, guess what? New male obsession. I talk to her almost every night in July until early August, giving her my opinion on things. At times she's enthusiastic, at times she has doubts. Pretty normal.
Then, some time last week, she starts talking to me about a *major* doubt that she has - she met up with one of her guy friends she hadn't seen for a while, and God of Gods, she felt like she might have been a little interested in him instead. She goes on a bit of a tirade about the guy she had liked before, pointing out why it would and wouldn't work. Then she says that she's not "giving up" on him, she's just considering her other friend as a "back up" plan.
At this point, I tell her that she may as well forget about Guy A. If she's gotten to the point where's she already has a "back up" plan, she's clearly begun the unconscious process of getting over him to be with Guy B.
I'm temporarily proven wrong, when, a bit later in the week, she tells me how wonderful Guy A is and how likely things would be to work out between them. She gives me a bunch of reasons as to why Guy A is committed, mature, and not a jerk. I point out to her her pattern of "likes guy, finds flaws, doesn't like guy, finds different guy". I don't think she disagreed with me on that, but she was very naive in making a statement along the lines of, "Well, once I go to Harvard for medical school, I'll be able to find an amazing guy really fast".
Then she messages me on Skype this morning (waking me up in the process). Guess what? She's stopped pursuing Guy A! Now she's *really* in to Guy B! OMFG.
I'm so sick of this!!! I like her a lot, but I don't even know what to say. She consistently does exactly what I say she's going to do, but never acknowledges it. Who knows, maybe things will work out with her and THIS guy. Still, in the case that it doesn't, I don't want to be the guy she whines to about everything for the next month, only to totally drop the subject not long after. I've heard WAY too much about the last couple of guys to want to deal with this again.
My theory is that her past abuse has developed within her a defense mechanism of dropping guys who exhibit any flaws which may, at some point in time, develop into abusive mannerisms or behavior. Logical thing to do, but this is a bit much.
Do you think I'm right on this? For somebody as seemingly unscarred as her, is this behavior a bit extreme and childish? Aside from this aspect of her personality, she's very mature, very intelligent, very attractive, and very popular with guys. She's not a slut (from everything I
I've been able to piece together, every sexual encounter she's ever had has been forced or tantamount to rape - and I don't mean that in the sense of, "Oh, I got drunk and then he took advantage of me"), but she has a ton of guys who like her. So it's not like her pool of possible pickings is particularly small.
I don't know. I still like her a bit (in that way), but it's quickly wearing away, as is my patience.
Lolit, I hope that's a joke, because if you're being serious, you should have somebody peel off your "Top Contributor" label and strangle you with it.
Inability to commit to somebody =/= any type of disassociative personality disorder.
And no, I don't like her. I used to, but not any more.
Anyway, it's important to note (I don't want to go into detail, it's her life, and she never told me I could talk freely about her on the Internet, so I won't) that she's been through several physically and sexually abusive relationships. According to her, she's gotten over the trauma of being in them, but I think that there's a lot more "mental residue" left over than she's willing to admit. In fact, I believe that those past relationships are having quite a large impact on her life today.
Here's the situation - I've known this girl since last January. Almost a year now. We talk a lot, and I believe that she's told me (on several occasions) that she tells me a lot more things than she tells a lot of her other friends.
I've heard enough about her life, and about the guys she likes to detect somewhat of a pattern. Ever since I met her last January, she's been going through about one guy per month, either dating or "liking". In March-April, she has a pseudo-relationship with this world-class douchebag. She dumps him after he starts to become controlling, creepy, and acting in an overtly-sexual manner. At the end of April, she and an old friend attempt to start a relationship, but she dumps him and he moves after he refuses to tone down contact with his ex-girlfriend.
Come May, she dates a guy, for real this time. The relationship lasts for the better part of the month of May, yet ends abruptly before Memorial Day weekend. She's "discovered" that he's not really the wonderful guy that she once thought he was - in fact, he's not all too bright, a bit immature, and yet again, sexually abusive. So she dumps him, and from the things I've heard, she was well within her rights to do so.
In June, she falls for some guy she met at one of her "extracurricular" university programs. She doesn't end up dating him, but I do get to hear about how wonderful and awesome this guy is almost every night for an entire month. Being very intelligent, she does express doubts, and she does point out several major character flaws that may prevent anything from developing between the two of them. Doesn't stop her infatuation from drawing out - she doesn't get over him until she goes to hang out with a number of his friends, most of whom *are* immature and judgmental. They pass on a bunch of BS about her to the guy (sounds like the girls were jealous. I'm not saying this in defense of my friend. She's honest, and nobody has ever accused me of being a flatterer), and he believes them. That ends her interest pretty fast.
Couple of weeks go by, and she's not showing any signs of being "in" to any guys.
That comes to an end some time in mid-July, when some guy at one of her volunteer locations writes her a little note, asking how to get in touch with her. After talking with him a few more times, guess what? New male obsession. I talk to her almost every night in July until early August, giving her my opinion on things. At times she's enthusiastic, at times she has doubts. Pretty normal.
Then, some time last week, she starts talking to me about a *major* doubt that she has - she met up with one of her guy friends she hadn't seen for a while, and God of Gods, she felt like she might have been a little interested in him instead. She goes on a bit of a tirade about the guy she had liked before, pointing out why it would and wouldn't work. Then she says that she's not "giving up" on him, she's just considering her other friend as a "back up" plan.
At this point, I tell her that she may as well forget about Guy A. If she's gotten to the point where's she already has a "back up" plan, she's clearly begun the unconscious process of getting over him to be with Guy B.
I'm temporarily proven wrong, when, a bit later in the week, she tells me how wonderful Guy A is and how likely things would be to work out between them. She gives me a bunch of reasons as to why Guy A is committed, mature, and not a jerk. I point out to her her pattern of "likes guy, finds flaws, doesn't like guy, finds different guy". I don't think she disagreed with me on that, but she was very naive in making a statement along the lines of, "Well, once I go to Harvard for medical school, I'll be able to find an amazing guy really fast".
Then she messages me on Skype this morning (waking me up in the process). Guess what? She's stopped pursuing Guy A! Now she's *really* in to Guy B! OMFG.
I'm so sick of this!!! I like her a lot, but I don't even know what to say. She consistently does exactly what I say she's going to do, but never acknowledges it. Who knows, maybe things will work out with her and THIS guy. Still, in the case that it doesn't, I don't want to be the guy she whines to about everything for the next month, only to totally drop the subject not long after. I've heard WAY too much about the last couple of guys to want to deal with this again.
My theory is that her past abuse has developed within her a defense mechanism of dropping guys who exhibit any flaws which may, at some point in time, develop into abusive mannerisms or behavior. Logical thing to do, but this is a bit much.
Do you think I'm right on this? For somebody as seemingly unscarred as her, is this behavior a bit extreme and childish? Aside from this aspect of her personality, she's very mature, very intelligent, very attractive, and very popular with guys. She's not a slut (from everything I
I've been able to piece together, every sexual encounter she's ever had has been forced or tantamount to rape - and I don't mean that in the sense of, "Oh, I got drunk and then he took advantage of me"), but she has a ton of guys who like her. So it's not like her pool of possible pickings is particularly small.
I don't know. I still like her a bit (in that way), but it's quickly wearing away, as is my patience.
Lolit, I hope that's a joke, because if you're being serious, you should have somebody peel off your "Top Contributor" label and strangle you with it.
Inability to commit to somebody =/= any type of disassociative personality disorder.