i can take crit advice..? Hey im 12 and ive been writing a story all by myself, i know i have alot of editing to do but plz read it and tell me if its good.Right now in the woods behind my house something was there. I was just sitting there on my bed when I realized that someone creepy was watching me. You have probably have experienced something like this before. I felt a cold chill, and I knew that soon I would have to make a decision, would i got out or stay home. My friend Darlate had called me the prev`ious day to ask if she could sleep over so she was here at my house with me.
Then, all of a sudden, I saw off in the distance what I realized was the creepy person again running behind trees even closer to my house now, and right then I choked back a scream! I remembered what Emily had told me about mysterious people. It was very important that I not must not panic. Very calmly, I walked away and knew I would do the right thing. Before I knew it, two people were watching me, and I told Darlate what I had decided, I was going out to talk to them and i would be back soon.
I set off with my black velvet hooded cloak and black woolen fingerless golves. I repeated what i said to Darlate in my head just before i left, ''I am going out to talk to them Darlate i will be back soon''. I realized that Darlate would be worried sick if i didnt come back soon, so this had to be quick. When i got to the woods i searched around, There was no one around. I heard a snap and suddenly i turned around with a strange look on my face.
''Come out please'' I yelled. No answer. Then i heard someone say ''Go back home kid''. I looked around but still there was no one to be seen. ''Im not going anywhere until you show yourself'' I demanded loudly. I stood there waiting for 5 minutes, when i heard Darlate scream. I bolted back home to see no one standing there but Darlate grining wickedly. ''Finally'' she boasted. ''Darlate that wasnt funny'' I said. ''Sor..'' she didnt finish what she was going to say. ''What?'' i puzzled. Then at that moment a little shadowy figure appeared in the doorway behind me.
I turned around once more to see nothing, Maybe i needed some sleep. ''Darlate im going to have a quick nap ok?'' I asked, but as usual no one answered me back. I went upstairs and got ready for bed, it was still 1 o'clock in the afternoon but i needed some rest. When i was in bed i thought about what had happened or... what i imagined had happened. But Darlate saw it too, Maybe we both needed sleep. I went down-stairs again but Darlate was gone.
I yelled out her name. Then i screamed ''Darlate this time it really isnt funny im not playing around come out''. I ran down to the woods and saw Darlate's white scarf. I knew the mysterious people were still here so i yelled out ''Can you please help me, my friend Darlate is missing''.''I already know, i saw her get taken'' the mysterious voice said.
It was a kids voice, a girl. ''Why are you here, your only a child?'' I asked. ''Only a child!'' she laughed. ''I am jesse the hunter'' she said. ''oh really, and like im Zarley the Milex'' I said sarcasticly. A milex was a vampire-like white skinned creature that couldnt go in the sun with bare skin. Then in a instant jesse jumped out of the tree and pointed a huge red sword at me. ''Woah, im joking!'' I said in horror. ''Didnt take me seriously did you?'' jesse asked as she took off the plain clothes over her black hunter like clothes and revealed her face.
She was beautiful. She had jet black hair with a line of pink that swayed in the wind. Long pointy ears and green eyes. Her clothes were black and protective. She had white skin and lots of weapons like huge swords and nets under black cloak that hid her from everything. ''Your friend was taken by a Milex'' jesse said. ''What!, we have to go and get her!'' I yelled.
''Its too dangerous'' she said. ''Now go back home kid''. ''How am i sure your not a Milex, you have white skin and black garments to protect you from the sun, and you hide in trees until night-time'' I asked, proud of myself for thinking that up so quickly. ''Well i guess you cant be'' she said. ''Well are you?'' Demanded before walking away. ''No, I hunt them, The team hunts there own danger to the forest'' jesse said. ''The team?'' I asked, but jesse was gone. I wondered why they were protecting the forest. All i knew was I had to find Darlate. I went back home and ate, I packed water,food and a knife and set foot out the door.
I stopped at the forest entry and thought about what i