...read it!!? this is the same thing i just posted but in paragraphs so its a tiny bit better written!!..
I am 20 years old and I've been realizing so much about life and I just don't want to live life. First of all, I have a mild form of dyslexia which means my reading skills suck, like I can read, and my spelling skills are some what legit since I've been working with a speech pathologist for the past 10 months but nonetheless when I read, it does not get retained. I've been told ever since 2nd grade that I have a learning disability and I have all the classic symptoms of one. I suck at rhythm, im tone death n i even suck at listening to much since my brain is to slow to memorize the lyrics. I come from well to do parents (I was adopted.. so my adopted rents are the ones with the good genes) n all my cousins are all over achievers(like omfg my dad is jewish so u can only imagine). So it sucks to have a LD.
I've been on adhd medication since 5th grade, I haven't took it every day but I have always needed it for school. Also, I'm a very good looking guy (witha very good jaw line i must say) but im extremely slow at learning. Im in good shape too, cuz growing up my parents forced me to play every sport and for the past 10 months I've been forcing my self to go on the elliptical 40-45 min a day. Anyways, I need adderal to function. When i don't take it, im even more loopy and out of it. Im back in school now after working with my reading specialist n doing kumon math for the past 9monts but the thing is, is that i hate needing adderal to function. I went to my friends apartment (friends who r away at college) n ive realized how ive always came across as the silly slow one that's funny... but i think thats why they liked me. the other thing i realized is that non of them need to wake up in the morning and take adderal everyday, n they're just fine n operate normally. Im always socially awkward n i don't feel like i have the essential personal and leadership skills that it takes to do well in college and get a good paying job like what is VERY expected of me to do.
I feel like I'm never going to be able to have the reading n abstract thinking skills that i want and that my older brothers have n im always going to be looked at as slow. i have some good friends but i think people think i am weird n kind-of dumb. i really don't want to live my life being the slow person that can't even sit down n read a book cuz i don't retain it in my head the right way. i feel like since I'm a guy n I'm tall and exceptionally handsome and in good shape i am expected to succeed and do something good with my life. Im seeing a therapist 4my "issues" but all he says is to take my meds n now they want me to take this antidepressant to relief constant thoughts that im going to fail at life. i think all the pills do are numb the realties of life. I've been working at this restaurant as a busser for the past 9 months n they like me n i get along with them but they think im slow
Im in the perfect retard situation cuz my parents will do anything to keep me on tract and happy. ANYWAYS I DONT WANT TO GO THROUGH LIFE BEING THE SLOW RETARD. Im looking for advise on what i should do with my life. every psychologist just stares at me n is useless... like what would make me happy is to be a good learner and succeed at a job that makes me happy. ALL my classmates from h.s went on to good colleges n i was kindof the slow one in h.s., that was in the sped room, but since i had money and a nice car i was some what respected, I was just at the blunt end of jokes on stupid people. my 2 older brothers are all smart n shit like one just graduated from UofM and im just the retard that has bad genes :'( .... like I CAN'T GO ON WITH LIFE TAKING ADDERAL EVERYDAY, THAT'S NOT NOTMAL. but taking them does steady my mood n makes me feel more confident... but not really though cuz im still lonely cuz i feel like im not normal n im always trying to become "smarrter" n think that one day things will change, im starting to realize that they'll never change.basiclly the only thing i want are perfect reading n spelling skills so i can do good n school and then i could concentrate on bettering my self on other areas in life. SO when i think of suicide i think: what is the quality of life im going to have?-do I want to live the rest of my life taking adderal n struggling and always trying to succeed in a world thats not meant for me? do i want to have a restless personality that is alway wishing he was different?? Do i want to life live without normal reading skills n be looked at as "lazy" or "slow"???CUZ I DONT N THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO LIVE LIFE . what do you think?
I am 20 years old and I've been realizing so much about life and I just don't want to live life. First of all, I have a mild form of dyslexia which means my reading skills suck, like I can read, and my spelling skills are some what legit since I've been working with a speech pathologist for the past 10 months but nonetheless when I read, it does not get retained. I've been told ever since 2nd grade that I have a learning disability and I have all the classic symptoms of one. I suck at rhythm, im tone death n i even suck at listening to much since my brain is to slow to memorize the lyrics. I come from well to do parents (I was adopted.. so my adopted rents are the ones with the good genes) n all my cousins are all over achievers(like omfg my dad is jewish so u can only imagine). So it sucks to have a LD.
I've been on adhd medication since 5th grade, I haven't took it every day but I have always needed it for school. Also, I'm a very good looking guy (witha very good jaw line i must say) but im extremely slow at learning. Im in good shape too, cuz growing up my parents forced me to play every sport and for the past 10 months I've been forcing my self to go on the elliptical 40-45 min a day. Anyways, I need adderal to function. When i don't take it, im even more loopy and out of it. Im back in school now after working with my reading specialist n doing kumon math for the past 9monts but the thing is, is that i hate needing adderal to function. I went to my friends apartment (friends who r away at college) n ive realized how ive always came across as the silly slow one that's funny... but i think thats why they liked me. the other thing i realized is that non of them need to wake up in the morning and take adderal everyday, n they're just fine n operate normally. Im always socially awkward n i don't feel like i have the essential personal and leadership skills that it takes to do well in college and get a good paying job like what is VERY expected of me to do.
I feel like I'm never going to be able to have the reading n abstract thinking skills that i want and that my older brothers have n im always going to be looked at as slow. i have some good friends but i think people think i am weird n kind-of dumb. i really don't want to live my life being the slow person that can't even sit down n read a book cuz i don't retain it in my head the right way. i feel like since I'm a guy n I'm tall and exceptionally handsome and in good shape i am expected to succeed and do something good with my life. Im seeing a therapist 4my "issues" but all he says is to take my meds n now they want me to take this antidepressant to relief constant thoughts that im going to fail at life. i think all the pills do are numb the realties of life. I've been working at this restaurant as a busser for the past 9 months n they like me n i get along with them but they think im slow
Im in the perfect retard situation cuz my parents will do anything to keep me on tract and happy. ANYWAYS I DONT WANT TO GO THROUGH LIFE BEING THE SLOW RETARD. Im looking for advise on what i should do with my life. every psychologist just stares at me n is useless... like what would make me happy is to be a good learner and succeed at a job that makes me happy. ALL my classmates from h.s went on to good colleges n i was kindof the slow one in h.s., that was in the sped room, but since i had money and a nice car i was some what respected, I was just at the blunt end of jokes on stupid people. my 2 older brothers are all smart n shit like one just graduated from UofM and im just the retard that has bad genes :'( .... like I CAN'T GO ON WITH LIFE TAKING ADDERAL EVERYDAY, THAT'S NOT NOTMAL. but taking them does steady my mood n makes me feel more confident... but not really though cuz im still lonely cuz i feel like im not normal n im always trying to become "smarrter" n think that one day things will change, im starting to realize that they'll never change.basiclly the only thing i want are perfect reading n spelling skills so i can do good n school and then i could concentrate on bettering my self on other areas in life. SO when i think of suicide i think: what is the quality of life im going to have?-do I want to live the rest of my life taking adderal n struggling and always trying to succeed in a world thats not meant for me? do i want to have a restless personality that is alway wishing he was different?? Do i want to life live without normal reading skills n be looked at as "lazy" or "slow"???CUZ I DONT N THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO LIVE LIFE . what do you think?