DcLonelyBoy
New member
So, I'm 28, almost 29, never had a serious relationship. There are a number of reasons for this, not least of which that I have Asperger's Syndrome. Despite this, I wouldn't call myself shy or timid. For one thing, I'm not afraid of public speaking or performances, which most people are. I've done plays. I sing karaoke regularly. I've gone skydiving. I have gone on a lot of dates, mostly through online services. The one girl I dated most seriously (a few months) once started a make-out session with me in the middle of a subway station. (True, it was night, but...) And, though I did enjoy it, I got tense and nervous, and inadvertantly came off as cold and disinterested. It ended shortly afterward. Once at karaoke night, I sang "Baby Got Back" and this girl who was at the bar with her friends, celebrating her birthday, got up and started grinding her rear end against me. When I did another song, she and two of her friends got up and leaned on me as I sang. Before I left,I stopped and wished her happy birthday. She said "Thanks for letting me dance with you. You made my party!" And hugged me. Do I ask her out, or even for her phone number? No! I start thinking "Well, she's drunk, not really interested, plus she's a smoker, so I wouldn't want to..."
I've always thought that my problem was fear of rejection. No doubt, that's potent, but I've built up some resistance, at least to the point where I can go on a date and not be too bummed out when it doesn't work out. I still get jitters whenever I try to ask a friend out, but I'm beginning to wonder if, at a more fundamental level, I may actually have some fear of intimacy. Could I actually be afraid of that which I most desire? Could the experiences of my life, of being alone so long, have made me unable, unwilling to open up to someone, to trust someone? Is there precedent for this, a name for it, treatment? I'd appreciate any insight.
I've always thought that my problem was fear of rejection. No doubt, that's potent, but I've built up some resistance, at least to the point where I can go on a date and not be too bummed out when it doesn't work out. I still get jitters whenever I try to ask a friend out, but I'm beginning to wonder if, at a more fundamental level, I may actually have some fear of intimacy. Could I actually be afraid of that which I most desire? Could the experiences of my life, of being alone so long, have made me unable, unwilling to open up to someone, to trust someone? Is there precedent for this, a name for it, treatment? I'd appreciate any insight.