JustMeBaby
New member
...as described on the net? Have you got BPD but not as severe too? I am just interested if there is anybody else out there that is like me and what your story is and how it developed for you? I was diagnosed at the start of the year but i have never considered myself as severe as i read and see everywhere. I haven't had a traumatic childhood of being raped or abused in any way, and when you read articles it seems like that is a major factor for it to develop. My childhood was like this i was born in scotland, my brother died when i was 5 (he was 7) and he was severely handicapped so my mother did not have much time for me and my dad was an alocoholic, but not an abusive alcoholic, he was rarely there and didnt care for me and when he was drunk he would only just sleep. I never really had many friends at nursery or primary school either (in scotland). At age 8 i moved to germany with my parents, i got picked on ever since my first school day there.. and had very few friends until i was 15 when i decided to swap schools. I wasn't even ever happy with the few friends i had because i couldn't really relate to them.. but they were the only people i had and i would only have one friend at a time till i lost them. When i changed schools i suddenly had all these people interested in me, i didnt really know how to handle it and people would start calling me clingy. Eventually i changed myself to fit in (like many teenagers would do i guess) but then 2 years later everybody went against me and i was all alone and wouldnt even go into class until the teacher walked in and in the lunchbreaks i would hide in the toilette because i hated people seeing me with no friends. The boyfriends i had throughout my teens i met on chat.. every boyfriend i had was from the internet really until i was 21 where i met somebody at a friends place. I would also end up with guys that i wasnt even interested in or attracted to.. most of them were really unappealing to me aswell but i didnt care aslongs they showed interest in me. And if a guy didnt show interest in me i would do anything to try make them to love me. I felt so bad about it afterwards and would cry but i didnt know what else to do i felt so lonely. At age 20 i moved to australia. The first 3 years here was when i got the worst with guys.. like i just described i would get with anyone. I was also always afraid of losing friends or even making friends, eventually i learnt to not let anybody get too close, but i would still tell everybody everything but i wouldnt make any effort to maintain the friendship.. i am still like that. I won't make an effort to catch up with anyone unless they ask me, then i feel i have to go so that i don't lose them. Nowadays i also am mean to guys i just meet, and somehow this makes me feel stronger. I act not easy to get, but in matter of fact i am easy to get, although i am pickier now than i used to be, so i would only be easy to get if i am attracted to that guy, but still i would be mean to a guy i am interested in if that makes sense? Most men i act mean to would also call me snobby and stuck-up but i'm actually none of that.
Overall i still feel very lonely and therapy hasn't really helped me, it has changed me but i don't think to the good. Oh my dad died to a couple years ago from all the alocohol that destroyed his body. I never had any alcohol problems either, i barely even touch alcohol, i have never been drunk before and i hate being around people who are intoxicated. When you read about borderline many people suffering of BPD turn to drugs or alcohol or even both. I don't self harm either, apart from when i am depressed that i barely eat or drink anything, but i don't generally have any eating disorders. Can anybody relate to this??? I would love to hear your stories!!!!
I still also hate being seen alone somewhere, i get very anxious when i think people might think i don't have any friends. Even when i sit at the cinema with a friend and she goes to the toilette i get anxious of just sitting there on my own, thinking that the new people that have come in might think i am lonely and don't have anyone.
Overall i still feel very lonely and therapy hasn't really helped me, it has changed me but i don't think to the good. Oh my dad died to a couple years ago from all the alocohol that destroyed his body. I never had any alcohol problems either, i barely even touch alcohol, i have never been drunk before and i hate being around people who are intoxicated. When you read about borderline many people suffering of BPD turn to drugs or alcohol or even both. I don't self harm either, apart from when i am depressed that i barely eat or drink anything, but i don't generally have any eating disorders. Can anybody relate to this??? I would love to hear your stories!!!!
I still also hate being seen alone somewhere, i get very anxious when i think people might think i don't have any friends. Even when i sit at the cinema with a friend and she goes to the toilette i get anxious of just sitting there on my own, thinking that the new people that have come in might think i am lonely and don't have anyone.