Z
Zorro Henderson, Esquire
Guest
Yesterday I had a hankering for a burrito or two for lunch so I rolled through the Taco Bell drive-through and bought the biggest burritio they sold - I can't remember the name something like "The Neat-O Incognito Mosquito Burrito" - but anyway - since I was in a hurry, I decided to take a few bites on the road back to work, and that was my first mistake. As I took that first bite, at the precise millisecond when the burrito molecules first made contact with the outside of my lips, I violently crapped my pants. I called my boss and told him I was sitting in a bucket seat full of deadly molten hot magma and that I could smell burnt hair. He said I would have to clean up a bit before coming back - apparently Radio Shack has some sort of "Public Health" guidelines and obviously this guy was taking it to the extreme- talk about conceited. Anyway, I finally I got home, and I bear crawled past my wife to the tiolet. As I was just about to sit on my toilet, I bent over to sit down and accidentally sprayed my cat. By now I was convinced I had accidentally swallowed a flame-thrower not only because of the scorching heat, but because of the amazing velocity. I strained with all my might- physically forcing my guts to expel the butt broth in one big heave-ho and the wind blew the water out of the toilet altogether, unless you include the bone marrow, cartilage, and spinal fluid i just shat. I wrote NASA a letter and notified them that they should immediately building a super huge catapult so we can fire Taco Bell burritos at the moon... in the hopes that the bacteria in the taco meat would initiate the growth and life cycle as the needed to jumpstart the cycle of life thus making colonization possible in the future. I don't know what they put in their taco meat, but all of you Taco Bell lovers out there can bet your bright red, swollen, scorched, blistered butts I am not going there any more.