ready4love
New member
I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and we have a very strong relationship. The only area that worries me is our sex life...
The truth is that the sex has never been mind-blowing. Sometimes it has been pretty good, but he needs to thrust really hard and fast in order to orgasm and I need more of an emotional connection. (Occasionally, I love his kinky side, but after a while a girl starts to crave romance.) I have talked with my boyfriend about my desire to have slower more intimate sex, but with no luck. That is to say, we have "made love" until he starts to get flaccid, at which point I will either a) give up and encourage him -- moan, talk dirty etc.-- in order to get him hard again or b) continue to try fruitlessly for a while until he, embarrassed and humiliated, retreats to his side of the bed.
At first, I thought the problem was his size -- he is a little smaller than most men, and I assumed that this was the reason he needed more stimulation. However, I found out recently that that's not the case. Apparently, small men don't need any extra friction.
After thinking about it for a while, I've realized that since we started dating he has gotten out of shape AND started smoking. I know that both are bad for his circulation and sex drive so I'm thinking that this might be the cause of the unsatisfying sex.
I would never tell my boyfriend anything to hurt his feelings or ego, but on the other hand I don't want to be stuck reciting porn stories to him for the rest of our sexual relationship. Should I tell him that his bad habits are hurting our sex life? Or should I let it be? If I do talk to him about it, how do I bring it up in a kind way?
Also, I should mention, he has been talking about getting back in shape and quitting smoking for ages. I wonder if this conversation is the motivation he needs, or if I should just give up?
The truth is that the sex has never been mind-blowing. Sometimes it has been pretty good, but he needs to thrust really hard and fast in order to orgasm and I need more of an emotional connection. (Occasionally, I love his kinky side, but after a while a girl starts to crave romance.) I have talked with my boyfriend about my desire to have slower more intimate sex, but with no luck. That is to say, we have "made love" until he starts to get flaccid, at which point I will either a) give up and encourage him -- moan, talk dirty etc.-- in order to get him hard again or b) continue to try fruitlessly for a while until he, embarrassed and humiliated, retreats to his side of the bed.
At first, I thought the problem was his size -- he is a little smaller than most men, and I assumed that this was the reason he needed more stimulation. However, I found out recently that that's not the case. Apparently, small men don't need any extra friction.
After thinking about it for a while, I've realized that since we started dating he has gotten out of shape AND started smoking. I know that both are bad for his circulation and sex drive so I'm thinking that this might be the cause of the unsatisfying sex.
I would never tell my boyfriend anything to hurt his feelings or ego, but on the other hand I don't want to be stuck reciting porn stories to him for the rest of our sexual relationship. Should I tell him that his bad habits are hurting our sex life? Or should I let it be? If I do talk to him about it, how do I bring it up in a kind way?
Also, I should mention, he has been talking about getting back in shape and quitting smoking for ages. I wonder if this conversation is the motivation he needs, or if I should just give up?