I really like it and it sounds like it would make a really awesome story. I think if you wanted to improve it you could be a bit more descriptive in your word choice like instead of things like look could be glance. Descriptive words bring the story together and allow the reader to feel as if they are in the room with the characters. Otherwise it was fantastic!
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Is my flash fiction story good? How can I make it better?
- Thread starter yeayea
- Start date
N
Nia Cullen
Guest
Can you guys read my flash fiction story for class and tell me how it is, and what I can do to make it better? Answer that gives me the best feedback will be chosen as best answer = 10 easy points! thanks!
ps: it's for a grade 10 academic class.
It started with a “How are you?” and my life changed completely. We went together like the summer in June – I remember your eyes staring into mine; there was something between us, I know there was. But, who would’ve known it was going to rain so soon?
I used to love everything you did, and laugh at the stupid things too. I replay all the memories over and over again – you were my everything, and now we’re not even friends.
I just woke up and now there’s emptiness in me, a pain in my chest – I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I can’t walk, and I can’t see. I feel like screaming but nothing comes out. I try to get a grip of my hair, and then my arms, but the pain’s so strong that I can’t.
I see the sun’s light and the reflection off the white, bright snow, shining through the flowers through the red curtains in my bedroom. The clock says 8:01 am; I know it’s time to get up.
I go to school and put on a smile, try to act like nothing’s wrong and try not to fall apart. Then I see him, acting like nothing’s wrong. I feel like talking to him, and letting him know that everything is wrong. I see him in class, he doesn’t even look. I sit down in my seat – the seat behind him. He then turns around and says to me, “How are you?”
ps: it's for a grade 10 academic class.
It started with a “How are you?” and my life changed completely. We went together like the summer in June – I remember your eyes staring into mine; there was something between us, I know there was. But, who would’ve known it was going to rain so soon?
I used to love everything you did, and laugh at the stupid things too. I replay all the memories over and over again – you were my everything, and now we’re not even friends.
I just woke up and now there’s emptiness in me, a pain in my chest – I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I can’t walk, and I can’t see. I feel like screaming but nothing comes out. I try to get a grip of my hair, and then my arms, but the pain’s so strong that I can’t.
I see the sun’s light and the reflection off the white, bright snow, shining through the flowers through the red curtains in my bedroom. The clock says 8:01 am; I know it’s time to get up.
I go to school and put on a smile, try to act like nothing’s wrong and try not to fall apart. Then I see him, acting like nothing’s wrong. I feel like talking to him, and letting him know that everything is wrong. I see him in class, he doesn’t even look. I sit down in my seat – the seat behind him. He then turns around and says to me, “How are you?”
I really like it and it sounds like it would make a really awesome story. I think if you wanted to improve it you could be a bit more descriptive in your word choice like instead of things like look could be glance. Descriptive words bring the story together and allow the reader to feel as if they are in the room with the characters. Otherwise it was fantastic!
I really like it and it sounds like it would make a really awesome story. I think if you wanted to improve it you could be a bit more descriptive in your word choice like instead of things like look could be glance. Descriptive words bring the story together and allow the reader to feel as if they are in the room with the characters. Otherwise it was fantastic!