Is it unreasonable of me to refuse to start a family if my husband refuses to leave

[betty]

the army? We have been married for 3 years and he wants to start a family but I have told him I won't unless he leaves the army. I feel that effectively I will be a single mum whilst he is away and frankly I don't think it is right of him to ask this of me.

We have had some big rows about it as he really wants to be a dad, but he's not the one who is going to have to do it all on their own.

Plus I have a full time career in marketing and I want to continue working full time after my maternity leave so I need my husband here to help share the work at home.

If he was here then I would probably would start a family. Plus I worry anyways about him being killed when he is away. This would be even worse with a child and I think it would be irresponsible.

What should I do?
The military should come before his family? NOTHING should come before his family and if that is what you have been lead to believe then I feel very sorry for you and your family indeed!
Yeah I don't mind waiting, but he doesn't want to leave for years yet and doesn't want to wait.

He wants to have his cake and eat it.

 

[ladyren]

Having a family and parenting is a big job...a two person job and the hardest job on the planet.

And if I were going to have a family, I'd want my husband/partner to be there.

And in your place, I would have never married an army guy if I wanted a family... they tend to get killed. That's what the army is for.

Personally, being a parent was never on my list. Neither would have been being a widow.

So, had I married a guy in the service, and as well, had a great job, likely I wouldn't want to become a mom, and end up being a single one anyway... whether he lived or died, he would indeed be away most of the time... like I said, that's what the army is for.

 

[Lizzie Rachel]

You have a completely vaild point. Then the answer should be no...you can't have a family under those circumstances. You're not being selfish at all and in the long run you're doing what is best for him. He needs to understand that you can't raise a child on your own whilst worrying about him and stressing about work. Also, if you were to have a child HE would constantly worry about the baby not remembering him when he comes home/not recognizing or accepting him.